This week, we're stepping outside the RMN family for an extra special Rock M Roundtable. For today's discussion, we're happy to welcome Bob Swerski, Todd O'Connor, Pat Arnold, and Carl Wollarski, perhaps better collectively known as the "Superfans." Take it away, boys.
Bob: Hello, my friends, and welcome to a special Missouri edition of Bill Swerski's Superfansss. My name is Bob Swerski, sitting in for my brudder Bill, who's still recuperating from his most recent heart attack, induced by overindulgence of bratwurst and the strain on his system caused by last week's Border War.
Pat: Real shame, Bahb.
Bob: With me as always are Da Superfansss. Pat Arnold.
Pat: Hey Bahb.
Bob: Carl Wollarski.
Carl (knawing on leftover turkey): Hey Bahb.
Bob: And Todd O'Connor.
Todd: How are ya, Bahb?
(full roundtable after the jump)
Bob: Real good. We're coming to you from our computers thanks to the Wi-Fi-enabled hot spot at Ditka's Restaurant in Chicago I-L, birthplace of the baby back rib and home to the NFC's best .500 team...
All: DAAAA... Bearsss.
Bob: But, Superfandom aside, we're here to talk about America's college football program. A team that will be collectively hoisting the Big 12 Championship trophy in one week's time. A team that is known as....
All: DAAAA.... Zou.
Bob: I should note that Tahd is kind enough to join us despite a court summons to testify regarding death threats made to a certain Kansas quarterback.
Todd: It's no big deal, Bahb. That makes a baker's dozen in restraining ordersss now that my one from Rex Grossman was finally lifted.
Bob: Good luck with that. Let's now turn our attention to one Kansas City M-O, where Saturday, America's college football team shall take to the gridiron to face Da Oklahoma Soonersss.
All: (general rumbling and groaning)
Bob: Now, dis is for da Big 12 Championship, so let's go around the table for some predictions. Pat?
Pat: Tigers, 55-3.
Bob: Right. Tahd?
Todd: I like Da Zou, 63 to nothing, Bahb.
Bob: Yeah? You say Mizzou shuts out an OU offense that's put up 60 in four-straight, Tahd?
Todd: That's right, Bahb.
Bob: Okay. Carl?
Carl: Tigersss by a field goal.
Others: What? One field goal? Come on!
Carl: The line opened at 14 and a half in favor of the bad guysss!
Others: (angry guttural sounds)
Bob: Okay, okay, let's leave him alone. Clearly Carl has paid more attention to his polish sausage and his Kyle Orton to fully appreciate his college football. In the end, I say Missouri 73, Oklahoma 7. Fiesta Bowl, here comes Da Superfansss.
Todd: Always wanted to go to Arizona, Bahb.
Bob: Besides, who really wants Stoops in ano-dder BCS bowl?
Pat: Not me, Bahb.
Carl: Not me, Bahb.
Todd: (slams chest, having heart attack) Sorry, Bahb. The thought of another Oklahoma BCS bowl puts unneeded strain on my heart.
Bob: Now, I must pose a question I've meant to ask for some time. But, first, we must salute the coach who's brought Da Zou to this point. A certain coach who has taken over the college football world with a head accessory known as...
All: DAAAA... Visor.
Bob: That of course would be one Gary Pinkel. So, I've got to ask, Ditka or Pinkel?
Pat: Ooh, that's a tough one, Bahb. Is this on a neutral field?
Bob: Sure is, Pat.
Pat: That's a pretty fair match, but Ditka's mustache gives him the edge here, Bahb.
Carl: But Pat, the mustache means nothin' in college football or Pitt would have won eight titles already. I got Pinkel.
Todd: I can't argue with any of that, Bahb.
Bob: Ah, but let's finally make this one interesting. Let's say that Stoops is out by Saturday for say, his players getting improper benefits from a certain auto dealership in a certain city that may or may not be Norman, Oklahoma. What if... Saturday's matchup was Ditka and OU vs. Pinkel and Da Zou?
Pat: Is this Ditka '85 or Ditka present day?
Bob: To make it interesting, we'll say Ditka present day, because we all know what happens if Ditka '85 shows up.
Pat: Well, in that case, I like Pinkel and Da Zou in nine overtimes, Bahb.
Carl: I agree, Bahb, but in ten overtimes.
Todd: I think I take Oklahoma, only if Ditka himself is allowed to kick the game winning field goal at the end. If Ditka's on the sidelines, I'm taking Da Zou.
Bob: I think we're all on board that Ditka '85 could win a title with Notre Dame this year if he wanted to, but I'm also taking Da Pink in dis battle. After all, the man's led Da Zou to two straight North titles. It's a dynasty in the making. Which leads me to this question - how many North titles can Da Tigersss win?
Pat: Bahb, I don't think we're looking at a three-peat, a four-peat, or even a five-peat. I think we're looking at a minimum nine-peat.
Carl: At least.
Bob: Hold on! Hold on! What if Pinkel leaves in a few yearsss to take a certain NFL head coaching job in a certain certain city in Da NFC North?
Todd: Well then, Bahb, I think you take his six or seven North titles and add them to his four or five Super Bowls, and you're staring down a combined ten- or twelve-peat across two levels.
Bob: Sounds about right, Tahd. Well, that's it for us at Bill Swerski's Superfansss. As always, Go Bears, Go Bulls, and Go Tigersss.
All: (Raise beer mugs in a toast, and return to their food)