"I've never been much for the numbers thing..."

So I've found a new obsession: Paper of Record.  The goal of the site is to compile "the world's largest searchable archive of historical newspapers."  There aren't too many papers archived right now, but one of them is The Sporting News.  I randomly decided to start my search for anything Mizzou-related in the year 1985, and I've been entertaining/annoying The Beef all day via e-mail with the blurbs I've found so far, and here are my three current favs...

Second Runner-Up (second paragraph in particular...from the "And How Did That Work Out For You?" dept):

First Runner-Up:

And the winner...holy crap...