Mike Alden Roast

but my initial question was “Did they invite Kevin Slaten as the Master Roaster?”

(also applies to any future roasting of Dave Duncan and/or Tony LaRussa)

“I was planning on having someone else do this roasting for me, but Gary Link wasn’t available.”

“I didn’t have time to write my own material, so Paige Laurie’s people did it for me.”

“Mike and I had dinner the other night at CC’s. It was great. Mike paid, with Bill and Stan’s approval, of course.”

“At dinner, I was a little unnerved, however, when Mike went to the salad bar and started shaking all the crackers. I guess Amy Stewart was right.”

“I just wanted to let you know that President Forsee is inviting you all to his Annual Celebratory ATV race this summer at the Presidential residence just south of campus. It’s BYOATV.”

“Just wanted to make sure you were all in the correct meeting. This room is reserved for those who want to ROAST Mike. Next door is the Curator meeting to decide whether or not to fire him.”

‘on your way out be sure to pick up your complimentary gift bag with flip-flops and sweatpants autographed by quin snyder’

‘after the roast join us for drinks and dancing at club athena’

’let’s hear it for mike alden, 2008 mvp of the austin toros’

“I DON’T KNOW WHAT’S MORE TAN, MIKE ALDEN OR * * * * **** ********** ********* ******** ******”

Insert whatever your dirty mind comes up with instead of the asterisks.