Rivals, Hatred and Stereotypes - It Brings out the Stupid in Most

So a few weeks ago, I received an unsolicited email from a young man claiming to be engaged in some type of research regarding college football and rivalries.  This was not the first time I had received an email like this since attaching my name to this fine SB Nation product, and I had even participated in a survey previously from one of the emails.  However, in the interest of full disclosure, I did so because it was girl with a hot name and she was from Penn State.  I had decided to ignore this current request, that is, until our "friends" over Corn Nation chose to evidently take a break from watching the corn grow to pen this strange little piece.  I guess their crops must have been knee-high by last week, but for whatever reason, they chose to unleash some venom on a number of schools, including our fair Missouri.  Therefore (and with my Monday Musings column already written for the next couple of weeks), let's participate in the research project and see where that gets us.

What Big XII team do you cover for SB Nation?

I appreciated him starting out with an easy one...well...maybe not for any Iowa State fans.  I'd have a tough time admitting that these days if I was one of them.

Who do you consider to be your team's biggest rivalry?

Man...if there is one thing we Mizzou fans never have a shortage of, it is certainly rivals.  kU, kSU, NU, CU, Illinois, SMS, SLU, Stephens College, Rock Bridge High School...the list goes on and on.  But, in the interest of scientific exploration (sorry Tech fans, those words were too big. Instead of "scientific exploration" I should have said "gittin' 'er right"), I will go ahead and narrow down the list.

For me, a rivalry has some back and forth element to it.  Therefore, I can automatically eliminate Illinois from the discussion.  I can do the same with kansas state, as Scary Smart has made them so Scary Bad that not even Methuselah Snyder is going to be able to bring them back, especially considering how he left them the first time (a fact k-Staters seem to like to forget about) The one-sidedness of things certainly eliminates CU and NU from my paying attention to them, as not even the scoreboard provided for all the dead Reveille's at aTm could keep up with the points we have put on these two "programs" the past few years. (206-34 if you are counting at home, and this was provided as a public service to the Okie State fans so they won't have to take their shoes off and fake teeth out to add it all up)

So that leaves us with the obvious answer of kansas (especially since Rock Bridge has been kicking our ass of late).  And all the hakwers need to remember is that we won the one that counted the most.

What teams and specific player do the casual or die-hard fans of your team hate the most?

Like I talked about above, fans of the Tigers always appear to have PLENTY of vitriol to distribute.  And not to put too fine a point on it (since I think you are going to see a recurring theme with these "research" questions), we hate our rivals the most.  The great thing about the kU rivalry is the history and how they either lost the biggest game (2007) or had to actually cheat to try to beat us (1960).  You just cannot help but almost feel bad for a school strapped with such a ridiculous and historically-based and heinous mascot, but you still have to hate them at the same time.  Who you can feel bad for now is Nebraska fans, who after so many years of thinking their sh!t did not stink are being relegated to whippings left and right, and then turning right back around to tell you they right on track to return to dominance.  Sure, if your return includes driving by Tom Osbourne's house and standing outside of it with a boom box over your head blasting Peter Gabriel.

The only thing I can agree on with Corn Blight is liking people from Iowa State.  They are hearty drinkers, and I can appreciate and respect that.

If you wanted to taunt players from the conference, who would be the biggest targets?  The rest of college football?

I think for Mizzou fans, the alpha and omega is Sodd Reesing.  Let's take a look at his greatest hits...shall we?

Nothing says party like a woman with more eye makeup than the Ultimate Warrior

Nothing says....well...I am not even sure what the hell is going on here

And of course, no segment about good ol' Sodd would be complete without the piece de resistance

Personally, I will miss this punching bag probably more than most...

There he is, doing his famous, "I'm a little tea pot stealing all your money and pride" routine...classic

What kind of taunts would sting the casual fan of your team the most - going after the make-up of the fan base, individual players, coach, school, or the state?

Wow, that was a mouthful.

I think the things that hit home the hardest are about the times when we have been amazingly screwed.  I was going to link to them on youtube, but I figured that would be blocked on most Baylor campus websites as not being Christian enough, and I would hate to lose them as readers.  All they need to know is that I personally blame this guy for the outcomes:

As for the rest of that run-on question, people from Missouri have a strange pride about their state, and I say that as someone who was not born or raised here (ironically, neither were our other two owners).  The state is such an amazing mix of so many types of people that no one slur or taunt is going to nail everyone.

In 100 words or less, best describe your team's fan base

(I just want to let it be known I am typing these questions verbatim, and this should not count against my 100 words)

I want to use my 100 words to cover something which CB wrote in his piece yesterday. 

Nebraskans are generally football geeks. We tend to be more knowledgeable about the actual game of football than most other fans, which is why you don't see massive amounts of tailgating at Husker games. We tend to taunt others less than they taunt us, although that tends to even out if we happen to be drinking.

You don't tailgate because you are too smart?  Are you friggin serious?  How dumb is that?  Considering nothing else goes on in your state, what does it say about you to waste the effort of coming to the game without enjoying one of the truly great American customs?

As for the Mizzou fanbase, we enjoy one another, the sites, the sounds, the smells, the tastes and all that is college football.  If we didn't, why would we have kept showing up for all those years when we sucked?

What are the common stereotypes associated with your team's fan base and the school in general?  In what ways are they true/false?

I cannot really speak to common stereotypes with our fan base other than the ones about us having hot girls and knowing how to party before and after a football game.  I believe both of those are true.  Beyond that, we probably value the party a little too much as it pertains to football, but you would have too if you had lived through 1985-1996.

On the other hand, I have had the great fortune of having been able to travel to many of the Big XII cities, and therefore can provide information which will separate stereotype from truth.  For instance, CU fans are not really fans.  They are simply in the wrong place at the wrong time.  Evidence of this would be in the fact we drove out to a CU game without tickets, only to have them handed to us randomly from a passer-by.  I figure he came out of his pot-induced haze to figure out that he was not in fact at the Taco Bueno but at Folsom Field, where they do not serve tacos.  Similarly, OU fans live a tragic existance in Norman.  If anyone even questions the squad being put on the field, they get a knock at the door from this guy....

......

......yeah...not my meme...not my place.  But you do have to feel bad for people who think Miller 64 is "the good stuff" from all those years of drinking 3.2 beer.

To be honest, I have heard nothing but great things about Austin.  But there are just too many signs of some...um...confidence issues down there.  And I think the GodzillaTron is...um...compensating for other issues.  Don't know what they are.  Maybe this guy can help?

God...I can't wait for the day Mizzou moves to the Big 10+1.  It would be so nice to have a conversation with someone with all the right genes for once.