Better Know An Opponent: Nebraska

This is the fourth in an 11-part series highlighting 5 things you may not know about Mizzou’s opponents in the 2009 football season. Please keep in mind that while everything below is true, it’s meant in jest.

Part One – Illinois

Part Two – Bowling Green

Part Three -- Nevada

Today’s profile: The Nebraska Cornhuskers

(Note: again, abbreviated. Get used to the five fun fact version of Better Know. Just sayin’.)

1) Maybe it’s the searing rivalry between Missouri and Nebraska, but I guess I never realized exactly how good a school Nebraska is. I’m not joking: the University of Nebraska-Lincoln is, believe it or not, a truly outstanding school. A land-grant institution created through the Morrill Act in 1869, Nebraska was the first college west of the Mississippi River to grant a Ph. D, and was also the first Western college with a psychology lab. Heck, they even invented a subject: ecology. That’s quite a resume they’ve got working.

But for every brilliant mind, there’s some dude who goes and ruins it. Consider the newspaper, the Daily Nebraskan. In 2008, the University’s Publications Board recognized another newspaper as an affiliated publication, this one satirical. And of course, this type of incisive, witty banter has to have a killer name, right? After all, funny is their business!

The name of that newspaper? The Dailyer Nebraskan. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is what is killing the print media.

2) The University of Nebraska-Lincoln is also home to the Sheldon Museum of Art, whose Web site proclaims it to be "One of the nation’s premier university art museums." It is home to a variety of beautiful works of art, including George Baxter’s "The Day Before Marriage"…

…Maurice Prendergast’s "Neponset Bay"…

…and its most famous work, Michelangelo’s "The Creation of Bo."

At least that’s what the site says.

3) Hacksaw?

I do what I’m told. Here’s some embarrassing Nebraska alumni!

Chase Daniel’s BFF Warren Buffett.

Former U.S. Solicitor General James Lee Rankin, who also served as general counsel to the Warren Commission. In other words, cover-up artist.

That guy before Leno. His name slips my mind.

Rocky III villain Roscoe Pound. What’s that? He’s not a boxer? Oh. Well, that’s still a badass name.

4) The Nebraska mascot is Herbie the Husker. In 2003, Nebraska changed the mascot from this…

…to this.

No problem, you say. They’re just updating their image. No biggie.

Except that Nebraska, still staking its claim as the craziest athletic department in the world, put out a press release with a backstory about the change.

An excerpt:

Tired of his old clothes and accessories, Herbie Husker went shopping.

‘Herbie has undergone a rigorous exercise routine, resulting in a loss of 70 pounds of fat and had an increase of 50 pounds in muscle mass and his clothes didn’t fit too well any more,’ said Boyd Epley, Nebraska Director of Athletic Performance. ‘He has gotten his hair cut and now wants to put the finishing touches on his new look. So, he went shopping.’

I’d make up a story about the origins of Truman the Tiger, but, well, THAT WOULD BE RIDICULOUS, ESPECIALLY TO PUT IT OUT AS A PRESS RELEASE.

/slits journalistic wrists

5) It’s well-documented that Memorial Stadium in Lincoln turns into the state’s third-largest city on football Saturdays. What you may not know is the terrifying truth as to how they "convince" all those people to come.

Enjoy your nightmares, suckers.

Tune in next week for the fifth installment of Better Know An Opponent!