In the tradition of Stuff White People Like (which was later brilliantly parodied by Every Day Should Be Saturday), I'm going to intermittently kill time this offseason by examining Stuff Mizzou People Like. Today's edition:
The Clinton Club
The renaissance of Mizzou Basketball has meant the return of the love from Mizzou People. But what do Mizzou People love more than winning basketball? Being a member of Clinton Club for Mizzou Basketball games.
You don't just like Mizzou Basketball. You love Mizzou Basketball, especially because of the luxury it can afford you when you sign those sweet, sweet checks to Mike Alden. You're important, and damn it if you don't know it. Whereas all of those plebeians have to find their way to their seats by tipoff and waste their energy yelling, you live the high life.
You've got your cushy gold seat on the south side of Mizzou Arena, and you've managed to keep it comfortable by not compressing the cushion on it for the first seven minutes of the game. Who said Yankee Ingenuity wasn't alive and well with Mizzou People?
Yes, Clinton Clubbin' Mizzou People love their Mizzou Basketball, especially without all the ruckus and noise from that thing going on with that bouncy orange ball in the main part of the building. Clinton Clubbers know that you don't buy the Lexus because it drives nice and you support the company; you drive the Lexus because it's the only way to tell the world how truly awesome you really are.
Seeing the intro video? DeMarre's scream wasn't that cool anyway. Seeing the starting lineups? Randy Wright was too loud, if you really think about it. Making noise during "Enter Sandman" and ogling Golden Girls before tipoff? You damn kids with your devil music and your shamelessly wanton women's outfits.
So here's to you, Clinton Clubbin' Mizzou People. Raise your fine, engraved glasses in honor. Just make sure not to inconvenience yourself in the process.
No. 1 - Comparing everyone to Clarence Gilbert
No. 2 - Bitching at Columbia Tribune beat writers
No. 3 - Fullbacks, fullback jokes, and beating fullback-related dead horses
No. 4 - The Clinton Club