In the tradition of Stuff White People Like (which was later brilliantly parodied by Every Day Should Be Saturday), I'm going to intermittently kill time this offseason by examining Stuff Mizzou People Like. Today's edition:
Expanding Faurot Field
Don't tell Mizzou People size doesn't matter, damn it. What good is the motion of the sea of gold if attendance figures aren't big enough to whip out and compare favorably with Texas and Oklahoma? For Mizzou People, it's all about the size of Faurot Field, and no matter what, it'll never be big enough. That's why Mizzou People are constantly in favor of expanding Memorial Stadium and creating bigger attendance figures for games at Faurot Field.
Oh, what's that haters say? Mizzou only had one attendance figure in 2009 greater than or equal to the established 71,004-person capacity? Mizzou People would like to remind you that this fact is irrelevant because BIGGER IS BETTER I CAN'T HEAR YOU LALALALA.
It might not be the best economic climate to raise money for stadium renovations. The expansion would probably create seats for more opposing fans than it would Mizzou fans. Lack of seats probably isn't what's keeping casual fans from making the drive from either Kansas City or St. Louis. And then there's that whole "water table" argument. Mizzou People defer to their spokesperson, Gatling Gun Abe Lincoln, to refute these concerns:
Let's raise a glass in honor of Mizzou People for fighting the good fight. Let's take heed in their wisdom and embrace that the only thing better than actually filling the stadium as it currently exists is making an even bigger stadium to leave partially empty. In your honor, after the jump I present to you, the new Faurot Field
No. 1 - Comparing everyone to Clarence Gilbert
No. 2 - Bitching at Columbia Tribune beat writers
No. 3 - Fullbacks, fullback-related jokes, and beating dead horses
No. 4 - The Clinton Club
No. 5 - Expanding Faurot Field
START YOUR PETITIONS NOW.