Truman Tiger is buying a new house in a new neighborhood, and goes up to one of the new neighbors' houses.
The following is how his conversation goes with one of the 12 neighbors on the street and in the new cul-de-sac.
(Knocks on door)
Hi! I’m Truman Tiger, and I’m in the process of closing on that new house up the street. I thought I would stop by and introduce myself to the neighborhood.
I’m recently divorced and looking to get on with my new life in a much more stable environment. No kids, so that should make it an easier transition. My home life was pretty stable for a long time, but when we adopted 4 orphans from Texas things started to go downhill. One of them turned out to be a real bully, and ran off a couple of my older siblings and even ran off one of the orphans—Reveille Aggie—we adopted: Reveille’s moving into that other new house up the street. He’s OK, just doesn’t like to sit down and is obsessed with the number “12” for some reason.
Oh: our new house. Glad you asked about that. We’re having problems selling our old house. It turns out that the buyers are having some legal problems which is keeping them from buying it, which in turn is keeping us from getting rid of it. I talked to my attorney, and apparently my assets are too great to have a short sale on it and the bank’s representative is insisting that I don’t move until I have a buyer. It’s getting to a point where I should just default on it and move out, but I’m not ready to take that kind of hit to my credit. Crazy, isn’t it?
What’s that: you have a Sugar Bowl? Well, originally my Bowl was healthy: an Orange Bowl. However, when my family adopted the Texans, our health declined as we traded in the Orange Bowl for a bowl of tortilla chips. They tried to jazz up the name a bit with the name “Fiesta”, but it was still a bowl of chips. You do use all natural sugar in your bowl, correct? I’m trying to get the preservatives out of my diet that my family was consuming to try to keep us together when it was clear it was over.
We’ve heard some really strange things from some of the realtors and people down at the grocery store. They said things like “we won’t fit in just right”, or “we’ll try to buy a new house in a different neighborhood that they think we’d like better”, or “we won’t take care of our house the way the rest of the neighbors do”. That’s silly. I understand their skepticism: I’m pretty skeptical myself. I think that’s part of my genetics. That’s OK: I’m from Missouri, so you’ve got to show me; I’ll show you because that’s just the way I am and wouldn’t expect anything less.
You should try some of this barbeque I made. I also make a pretty mean spaghetti sauce. It just depends on which side of the kitchen I’m cooking on. Oh, have a beer, too: I made this myself as well.