Longhorn Leader:  THIS IS AN OUTRAGE!

Longhorn Nation:  OUTRAGE!

Leader:  HOW DARE OKLAHOMA AND THE AGGIES DICTATE TO US?  WE'RE THE UNIVERSITY OF TEXAS!

Nation:  TEXAS!  YEAH!

Leader:  WE DO WHAT WE WANT WHEN WE WANT AND NO ONE CAN STOP US!  IF THESE OUTRAGES CONTINUE, WE SHOULD JUST GO INDEPENDENT!

Nation:  INDEPENDENCE!  RAR!

Leader:  AFTER ALL, WHAT HAS THE BIG XII EVER DONE FOR US?

Nation:  NOTHING!  RAR!

Leader:  I SAY- yes, Reg?

Reg:  Actually, they did give us a home after our conference blew up.

Leader:  OK, but aside from giving us a home after the SWC fell apart, WHAT HAS THE BIG XII EVER DONE FOR US?  I- yes, Reg?

Reg:  They also agreed to an unequal distribution of revenue that preferentially favored us.

Leader:  Fine, aside from giving us a home after our conference blew up and agreeing to unequal revenue distribution-

Neil:  Oh, and they banned partial qualifiers which hamstrung Nebraska allowing us to come to dominate the conference.

Leader:  Hold on, let me write all of this down.

Reg:  And they moved the conference headquarters to Dallas!

Neil:  Oh, and they essentially let us hand-pick the conference commissioner.

Leader:  Hand-pick commissioner...

Susan:  And for all intents and purposes, the football championship game was permanently moved to Jerry World.

Reg:  And they let us set up our own network that netted us $300 million.

Leader:  $300 million... ok, anything else?  All right, so aside from giving us a home after our conference imploded, agreeing to unequal revenue distribution that preferentially favored us, banning partial qualifiers that hamstrung Nebraska, moving the conference headquarters to Dallas, allowing us to hand-pick the commissioner, moving the football championship game to Jerry World, and allowing us to set up our own network that netted us $300 million, WHAT HAS THE BIG XII EVER DONE FOR US?

Reg: Oh!  The north schools were willing to give us money to stay in the conference.

Leader:  Shut up Reg!  ANYWAY, WE WILL NOT BE DICTATED TO IN THIS FASHION!  THE DEMANDS OF OKLAHOMA AND TAMU ARE AKIN TO SOCIALISM!

Nation:  RAR SOCIALISM RAR!

Leader:  WE MUST TAKE A- damnit Reg, what now?

Reg:  Actually, I don't think this is socialism.

Leader:  What?

Reg:  Socialism is an economic system in which the means of production are publicly or commonly owned and controlled cooperatively

Leader:  Right!  SOCIALISM!

Nation:  SOCIALISM RAR!

Reg:  No, see, socialism would be if they demanded that we distribute our endowment among the other schools or that we allocated Texas recruits fairly among the member institutions.  I think they're just mad that we wanted to go into their states and broadcast high school games of their local recruits on our network.  They're just telling us to stop being douchebags by trying to block their access to their own in-state recruits.

Leader:  Fine, what word would you use then?

Nation:  COMMUNISM!  RAR!

Reg:  Nope, same problem as with socialism.

Leader:  Atheism?

Reg:  No, I don't think atheism applies here.  Maybe priapism*?

Leader:  What's that?

Reg:  I don't know, but all those drug commercials on tv say it's bad.

Leader:  Fine.  WE'RE THE UNIVERSITY OF TEXAS LONGHORNS AND WE WON'T TOLERATE PRIAPISM BEING FORCED ON US BY OKLAHOMA!

Nation:  PRIAPISM RAR!

Leader:  RAR!

Reg:  RAR!

Mike Slive:

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*do not Google "priapism" at work