Portraits of Conference Realignment
by Gaknar on Sep 19, 2011 11:24 PM CDT
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Once again, the great wheel of realignment turns, grinding into dust those who can't or won't get out of its way. An intricate network of college presidents, athletic directors, conference commissioners, media barons, mega boosters and dentists plot endlessly to ensure that their interests are served above all others. But who are these titans of college athletics? Below, I attempt to lay out the cabal that is reshaping college athletics
David Boren, President of the University of Oklahoma
Joe Castiglione, Former Athletic Director of the University of Missouri and Current Athletic Director of the University of Oklahoma
Bob Stoops, Head Football Coach of the University of Oklahoma Sooners, Convicted Claim Jumper
The Pride of Oklahoma Marching Band, Professional Trolls
Bill Powers, President of the University of Texas, Evil Twin Brother of Missouri Offensive Coordinator Dave Yost
Deloss Dodds, Athletic Director of the University of Texas, demands two spaces in this column
Mack Brown, Head Football Coach of the University of Texas Longhorns
Bevo, Mascot of the University of Texas Longhorns
R. Bowen Loftin, President of Texas A&M University, Doctor Who Cosplayer
Bill Byrne, Athletic Director of Texas A&M University
Mike Sherman, Head Football Coach of Texas A&M University
Harvey Perlman, President of the University of Nebraska, Extra on AMC's The Walking Dead
Tom Osbourne, former Head Football Coach for the University of Nebraska and current Athletic Director of the University of Nebraska
Bo Pelini, Head Football Coach of the University of Nebraska Cornhuskers, Motivational Speaker
Brady Deaton, Chancellor of the University of Missouri
Mike Alden, Athletic Director of the University of Missouri
Gary Pinkel, Head Football Coach of the University of Missouri Tigers
Jamie Pollard, Athletic Director of Iowa State University and frequent phone prank victim
Paul Rhoads, Head Football Coach of the Iowa State University Cyclones
Bernadette Gray-Little, Chancellor of the University of Kansas
Turner Gill, Head Football Coach of the University of Kansas Jayhawks
Crying Beaker Fan, Athletic Supporter of the University of Kansas
Jay, Politically Correct Mascot of the University of Kansas
Kenneth Starr, President of Baylor University
T. Boone Pickens, Billionaire Booster of Oklahoma State University, Convicted Water Rustler
Kirk Schulz, President of Kansas State University, Level 50 Paladin in World of Warcraft
Willie Wildcat, Mascot of the Kansas State University, Noted Philosopher
EcoKat, Former 80's Pop Star and Fugative Eco-Terrorist
Bruce Benson, President of the University of Colorado
Kirby Hocutt, Athletic Director of Texas Tech University
Guy Baily, President of Texas Tech University
Chris Del Conte, Athletic Director of Texas Christian University
Jeff Long, Athletic Director of the University of Arkansas, secretly hates pork
Mike Anderson, former Head Men's Basketball Coach of the University of Missouri Tigers and current Head Men's Basketball Coach of the Arkansas Razorbacks
ESPN, the Worldwide Leader of Sports and Sports-Like Substances
Brown Chip, Blogger for Orangebloods.com and Bevo Enthusiast
Berry Tramel, Sports Journalist for... haha sorry, I almost made it through that without laughing. Anyway, he works for the Daily Oklahoman.
Dan Beebe, Destroyer of Southern Methodist University and current Commissioner of What's Left of the Big XII Conference
Jim Delany, Commissioner of the Big Ten Conference and Arch Enemy of EcoKat
John Marinatto, Commissioner of What's Left of the Big East Conference
Larry Scott, Commissioner of the Pac-12 Conference and iPad enthusiast
Mike Slive, genteel Commissioner of the Southeastern Conference
John Swofford, Commissioner of the Atlantic Coast Conference and Scourge of the Big East
============BREAKING NEWS UPDATE 9/20/11============
============BREAKING NEWS UPDATE 9/23/11============
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Not something to read at 2 am EDT with a sleeping child next to you...
…because you’ll laugh too hard. :)
Bravo!, Bravo! This post is awesome--I kept scrolling down and the awesomeness would not end ;)
Reporter: What would you say a Greg Studrawa offense is like? Stud:
"Attack and be very physical…fly around…attacking, come after you and come after you and come after you…." Me: I love this answer.
GET TO THE RIM HEAT (and SKY)! ATTACK THE PAINT!
LOL, great use of Bonnie Tyler 80's one hit wonder...
with
EcoKat, Former 80’s Pop Star and Fugative Eco-Terrorist
Reporter: What would you say a Greg Studrawa offense is like? Stud:
"Attack and be very physical…fly around…attacking, come after you and come after you and come after you…." Me: I love this answer.
GET TO THE RIM HEAT (and SKY)! ATTACK THE PAINT!
the first face
As a Tiger fan it hurts to say it, but the biggest fathead award goes to Missouri Governor Jay Nixon. It was his loose-lipped braggadocio that got this whole ball rolling and sent Nebraska and Colorado out of the Big 12.
whatever. Seriously, this whole thing is about a bunch of vain mega-rich dudes figuring out they’re going to split up hundreds of millions of dollars. One random politico saying something a bit a year or so back is not going to be even close to the key deciding point in any of this. Find a better scapegoat please.
by Wan Ihite on Sep 20, 2011 7:28 AM CDT up reply actions 2 recs
Nixon may have embarrassed himself and his university...
…but he didn’t get “this whole ball rolling.” The only reason he talked about it in the first place was because the ball was already very much in motion.
Follow me at @SBN_BillC!
SB Nation
Rock M Nation
Football Outsiders
Football Study Hall
by Bill C. on Sep 20, 2011 7:47 AM CDT up reply actions 5 recs
Brilliant.
Simply brilliant. And, yet, it was EcoKat that got me the most…
RockMNation.com (@rockmnation)
Fighting mob mentality since 2007
you forgot etherice:
Message board nobody who changed his blog name from Mizzou2Big10.com to Mizzou2SEC.com and in the process got free publicity from the all-the-news-that-fits-in-print Trib.
http://www.SimmonsField.com
by trripleplay on Sep 20, 2011 6:12 AM CDT via iPhone app reply actions
Pitbull, Good Time Specialist and Enthusiast of Minimized Urban Strain
RockMNation.com (@rockmnation)
Fighting mob mentality since 2007
by RPT on Sep 20, 2011 6:18 AM CDT reply actions 8 recs
Underrated.
For those unaware: http://www.jonbois.com/2011/09/i-hope-you-guys-will-attend-pitbulls.html
Beerleaguer -- White Sox: Something about a greased tee, a behind, and a pair of pliers
by UribeAuction on Sep 20, 2011 11:06 AM CDT up reply actions
Flawless Victory
"I have never been noticeably reticent about talking on subjects about which I know nothing." Prince Phillip
Brilliant!
Every picture and comment was spot on and hilarious!
by McZou on Sep 20, 2011 7:26 AM CDT via mobile reply actions
Hail Gaknar!
"Every absurdity has a champion to defend it" Olivar Goldsmith
Awesome stuff!
Two things:
1. Very evil screen grab of the VCU game.
2. I can’t believe you didn’t do a Bill Byrne!!!! I mean, have you seen that guy? Or read his weekly Wednesdays?!?! You’re only excuse was that you couldn’t come up with anything funnier than the stuff he actually thinks and says.
See also:
Bill Byrne, Athletic Director of Texas A&M University
RockMNation.com (@rockmnation)
Fighting mob mentality since 2007
Don't you feel the fool
"It's like a debate team, only instead of doing something useless you get to grade the cut and quality of meat! "-Hank Hill
Yep, I'm an idiot...
Only saw the Sherm in that one…didn’t notice the Byrne caption above or him leering from behind.
by hiphopopotamus on Sep 20, 2011 3:02 PM CDT up reply actions
I thought the same thing the first time through.
RockMNation.com (@rockmnation)
Fighting mob mentality since 2007
Jim Delany arch enemy of EcoKat.
IT ALL MAKES SENSE!!!
Bravo Gaknar.
by MarioVanPeebles Republic of China on Sep 20, 2011 9:48 AM CDT reply actions
Even though I'm going to REC this,
I fully expected Ron Prince to show up in this…
Surgeon General's Warning: K-State-Mizzou basketball may increase the risk of high blood pressure. Please consult your doctor prior to watching any of these games.
spontaneous karma admission:
i am insanely jealous of gaknar’s wit and creativity. there, i said it. well done, sir.
"Fleshy-headed mutant, are you friendly?"
"No way,eh."
no choco pockets reference for byrne?
twitter handle: @asstastic_o1
just because im over 300 pounds doesnt meant I dont have a great ass.
by BillSelfsToupee on Sep 20, 2011 11:06 AM CDT reply actions
Amazing.
Would you like some Freys with that?
by ChrisP Wildcat on Sep 20, 2011 11:07 AM CDT reply actions 1 recs
Bill Snyder:
1. Sign JuCos
2. KSU’s going to the Mountain West or Big East?
3. Screw it, MOAR JUCOS
Beerleaguer -- White Sox: Something about a greased tee, a behind, and a pair of pliers
by UribeAuction on Sep 20, 2011 11:07 AM CDT reply actions 2 recs
Gaknar you have outdone yourself again.
The difference between a successful person and others is not a lack of strength, not a lack of knowledge, but rather in a lack of will. - Vince Lombardi
I am so proud to call you all friends.
Bring on the Cats
Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect. -- Mark Twain
by Panjandrum on Sep 20, 2011 3:47 PM CDT reply actions 1 recs
edsbs qualitry
damn Gaknar that was great
"If I ever saw an amputee getting hanged, I'd probably just start calling out letters" - Demetri Martin
"Eggs this guys overdone, then I hit the slope on them call it rise over run"- Chiddy
O I\1 E M I Z Z O U
are reader contributions allowed?
by Erick Rawlings on Sep 21, 2011 12:17 PM CDT reply actions 1 recs
SEC Fan Interested in Missu's Take
As an SEC many of us are interested in Missu’s real conference desire. My understanding of the Tigers is that you guys would prefer to either stay in the Big 12-2 or move to the Big 10 +2 (SEC fans have to describe your respective conferences in this manner because we struggle with numbers already).
Is joining the SEC curtain # 3 for you guys?
sec is #1 for me.
there is a wide variance in opinion on the matter not only on here, but among mizzou fans everywhere.
"Fleshy-headed mutant, are you friendly?"
"No way,eh."
by threadkiller on Sep 22, 2011 1:02 PM CDT up reply actions
This is fantastic.
Swofford made laugh out loud while supposedly working on a project.
Who needs affection when you can have blind hatred?
"If I do it wrong just break another toe. Three's my lucky number anyway." -Evan Lysacek: 2010 Olympic Gold Medalist ♥
ROFL
This might be the best thing ever :-D
I'd tell you to go to h**l but i work there, and i don't want to see you everyday!
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