FanPost

Portraits of Conference Realignment

[Bumped to Front Page because ... of course.]

Once again, the great wheel of realignment turns, grinding into dust those who can't or won't get out of its way. An intricate network of college presidents, athletic directors, conference commissioners, media barons, mega boosters and dentists plot endlessly to ensure that their interests are served above all others. But who are these titans of college athletics? Below, I attempt to lay out the cabal that is reshaping college athletics

David Boren, President of the University of Oklahoma

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Joe Castiglione, Former Athletic Director of the University of Missouri and Current Athletic Director of the University of Oklahoma

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Bob Stoops, Head Football Coach of the University of Oklahoma Sooners, Convicted Claim Jumper

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The Pride of Oklahoma Marching Band, Professional Trolls

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Bill Powers, President of the University of Texas, Evil Twin Brother of Missouri Offensive Coordinator Dave Yost

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Deloss Dodds, Athletic Director of the University of Texas, demands two spaces in this column

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Mack Brown, Head Football Coach of the University of Texas Longhorns

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Bevo, Mascot of the University of Texas Longhorns

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R. Bowen Loftin, President of Texas A&M University, Doctor Who Cosplayer

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Bill Byrne, Athletic Director of Texas A&M University

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Mike Sherman, Head Football Coach of Texas A&M University

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Harvey Perlman, President of the University of Nebraska, Extra on AMC's The Walking Dead

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Tom Osbourne, former Head Football Coach for the University of Nebraska and current Athletic Director of the University of Nebraska

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Bo Pelini, Head Football Coach of the University of Nebraska Cornhuskers, Motivational Speaker

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Brady Deaton, Chancellor of the University of Missouri

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Mike Alden, Athletic Director of the University of Missouri

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Gary Pinkel, Head Football Coach of the University of Missouri Tigers

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Jamie Pollard, Athletic Director of Iowa State University and frequent phone prank victim

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Paul Rhoads, Head Football Coach of the Iowa State University Cyclones

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Bernadette Gray-Little, Chancellor of the University of Kansas

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Turner Gill, Head Football Coach of the University of Kansas Jayhawks

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Crying Beaker Fan, Athletic Supporter of the University of Kansas

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Jay, Politically Correct Mascot of the University of Kansas

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Kenneth Starr, President of Baylor University

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T. Boone Pickens, Billionaire Booster of Oklahoma State University, Convicted Water Rustler

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Kirk Schulz, President of Kansas State University, Level 50 Paladin in World of Warcraft

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Willie Wildcat, Mascot of the Kansas State University, Noted Philosopher

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EcoKat, Former 80's Pop Star and Fugative Eco-Terrorist

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Bruce Benson, President of the University of Colorado

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Kirby Hocutt, Athletic Director of Texas Tech University

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Guy Baily, President of Texas Tech University

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Chris Del Conte, Athletic Director of Texas Christian University

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Jeff Long, Athletic Director of the University of Arkansas, secretly hates pork

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Mike Anderson, former Head Men's Basketball Coach of the University of Missouri Tigers and current Head Men's Basketball Coach of the Arkansas Razorbacks

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ESPN, the Worldwide Leader of Sports and Sports-Like Substances

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Brown Chip, Blogger for Orangebloods.com and Bevo Enthusiast

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Berry Tramel, Sports Journalist for... haha sorry, I almost made it through that without laughing.  Anyway, he works for the Daily Oklahoman.

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Dan Beebe, Destroyer of Southern Methodist University and current Commissioner of What's Left of the Big XII Conference

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Jim Delany, Commissioner of the Big Ten Conference and Arch Enemy of EcoKat

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John Marinatto, Commissioner of What's Left of the Big East Conference

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Larry Scott, Commissioner of the Pac-12 Conference and iPad enthusiast

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Mike Slive, genteel Commissioner of the Southeastern Conference

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John Swofford, Commissioner of the Atlantic Coast Conference and Scourge of the Big East

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============BREAKING NEWS UPDATE 9/20/11============

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============BREAKING NEWS UPDATE 9/23/11============

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