The Five People You Meet At New Bill Snyder Family Stadium

Kansas State recently announced its newest project, the West Stadium Center at Bill Snyder Family Stadium. Truth be told, it looks like a pretty sweet venture, and all Big 12/SEC/Poor Kansas City/Leave Michael Dixon's Cell Phone Alone/What About the Big 8 squabbles aside, good for Kansas State for working toward big things in Manhattan.

But even more interesting than the project itself are the people expected to attend games at Kansas State in the future according to the University's digital sketches. See below (and click to embiggen):



This is what happens when you let tenured professors have season tickets. Here, Dr. Westonshire, seen holding his jacket (The upgrades don't include coat racks? Are you purposely catering to the 99 percent? FETCH MY GOLD AUDI AND LET US DEPART THE BILL.), gazes into the sunglassed eyes of the unidentified high jumper in the banner. Here he wonders about the meaning of life, the location of Ron Prince and when the writers of the Big Bang Theory will get their shit together and fix the scientifically incorrect dialogue. Next to him stands a man in a stunningly bright white shirt which somehow hasn't been soiled by flying nacho cheese from the concession stand directly below him. He looks longingly out into the abyss that is central Kansas rather than toward the playing field, which holds one of the approximately seven interesting things located in the Sunflower State.


I'm going to assume this is Jeffrey. He is quite obviously thrilled with the upgrades to Bill Snyder Family Stadium, so much so that he enthusiastically and not at all sarcastically points to the black and white photo ripped out of Kansas State's first yearbook following World War I. More importantly, he's just thrilled that Adult Swim is set to DVR in case his LAN party after the game runs long. Standing next to him is an engineer digger who appears sent over on a dare by the presumably sassy girl in the yellow in the background. She doesn't actually attend Kansas State, as evidenced by the fact that her shirt appears like a bad Photoshop color correction of Jayhawk colors. But at 4-foot-9, no one questions her judgment.


Why, yes, I do wear suits to college football games when I walk around the concourse. [This is the part where you suspend the irony that the author of this post does in fact walk and literally run around football stadiums in suits during the fall]. You never know when you might have to negotiate a merger between two Fortune 500 companies during the third quarter in between Collin Klein two-yard runs. Even Barney Stinson finds this man's commitment to suits questionable.

Oh, and then there's the dude/lady in the full denim jumpsuit in the background. I always thought Manhattan had Canadian sensibilities, so trade 3.2 beer with Molson and add a few thousand more dudes/ladies in this exact getup and we've got central Alberta in a warmer climate pictured here.


Grad school bro in khakis and a collar totally wants KSU to join the SEC...

Also, I'm tremendously confused as to the utility of the backpack. At universities in most states, I'd presume it would be an alochol-smuggling mechanism, but given the Willem Dafoe in Boondock Saints level of obsession held by Kansas law enforcement as it pertains to fermented grains, we must instead assume the backpack holds either agronomy books or is a metaphor for the weight of student loan debt. The two girls next to him? The undergrads he lied to when he said he had booze in his backpack.


These two are every set of Comm School roommates you ever met. On the right? Katie. Incredibly sweet. Meekly refuses that second beer you try to hand her. Gets along well with almost everyone she comes across, and probably has no less than 14 Facebook photos of her beaming while posing with Willie the Wildcat. But, on the left stands her roommate Lexi. The trash can she's posing next to serves one of three purposes: temporary housing, hangover relief or both. That second beer you offered Katie? Lexi took it before taking ALL OF THE SHOTS. She spent her Saturday night with seven dudes following her like it's middle school before passing out while talking about the things she'd do to Jordy Nelson if given the opportunity. She'll eventually leave in the second quarter to go to a photoshoot she saw advertised on CraigsList by a dude whose entire professional inventory is an iPhone 3G and a white sheet duct taped to a wall.

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