Kirby Lee-US PRESSWIRE
Note: This was a joint effort between BillSelfsToupee and tigers & chiefs fan. T&C handed the reins to deal with some family issues. Please keep her in your thoughts. Besides our SEC birthday on July 1, 2012, Mizzou news was quite quiet in the month of July. We were all so excited about football (SEC? pshaw). But our very own Bill C laid out clues that have many to believe he is a witch. Some accolades for the softball team staff but otherwise all eyes are on fall sports.
tigers & chiefs fan:
July 22, 2012: Bill posts an innocuous Sunday Live Thread with the title Sunday Live Thread: Who Are This Year's Least Replaceable Mizzou Players?
1. QB James Franklin (missed several games starting with a shoulder injury in Week 2)
2. DT Sheldon Richardson (misguided, missed Syracuse)
3. CB E.J. Gaines
4. DT Lucas Vincent (did he play? Tigers own outlook in 2012 must have been bleak)
5. G Jack Meiners injured in practice.
Our biggest day of comments is July 23rd with 708 comments. This was the day Gary Pinkel did a "carwash" in Bristol and the NCAA meted out it's punishment to Penn State. Gary Pinkel is revealed to be a handsome man.
On two separate days in July 2012, 430 (not 420) comments were posted in a Links Thread. On July 19th & 20th the comment totals were equal. Has that happened in 2012 ever or in the history of RMN? July 20th was the sad day in Aurora.
July 20th also brought a TIE for the Caption of the Year Contest? Coincidence or witchery?
I just got done talking to T&C and she told me that she had an idea after going back and reading articles and links from July that Bill C. was in fact a witch. (I won't mention officially that she may have been quite drunk while writing the first part of this piece). This spurred my curiosity, is Bill C. a witch? Do we have enough proof?
The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines a "witch" as:
one that is credited with usually malignant supernatural powers
This could quite possibly be true, another definition listed is:
a charming or alluring girl or woman
Hmmm, dont know about Bill C. on this one, Mrs. Bill C. is almost assuredly practicing some sort of dark magic.
Just to make sure that T&C Fan and I covered all of our bases, I made sure to check Urban Dictionary as well:
Witch: Anyone whom we burn that weighs the same as a duck. (Also made of wood)
Bill is a bit of a small fellow, he could be about the same weight as a rather large duck or other bird. I've also seen the size of that head, it would almost assuredly need to be made of wood so as not to fall over constantly under enormous domecidal pressure.
I think we can go ahead and say that this case is closed. Bill C. is in fact a witch.
We also started our yearly wall of excellence voting as well. None of these outcomes were news to Bill C., as he had already seen them before in his kettle full of bubbling broth and newts.
For the most part, July was a month of looking forward. A month of hope and and good thoughts. A month of officially joining the SEC and officially exiting the big turd. Almost 6 months later and having seen how things have turned out so far, I am still very happy with our place in the SEC and am still scared beyond comprehension of Mrs. Bill C.