Threadkiller in Antarctica: The Trilogy (Episode 1: An Unsensical Journey)

Hey RMN,

Here’s a picture of my colleague Claude-Michael and a covey of Adélie Penguins. We just got into McMurdo yesterday. Our journey started with a flight to LAX. Planes are really cool. Next, our party was given special accommodations aboard a Del Monte container ship, and we made the grueling voyage from San Pedro to Santiago, Chile. For the record, I HATE pineapple, so I suffered more than most. The stench of it still fills my nostrils. From there, we rented burrows from the locals and caravanned down to the southern tip of the continent. There’s a nice little ferry that takes you the rest of the way. We waved to the Sea Shepherds out in the harbor, who then boarded us to make sure we weren’t smuggling sea bass (which we weren’t). Nice guys, though—pics on Facebook soon. All in all, I’d say we made pretty good time. So far, it’s not all that different from Southwest Missouri. A little colder, yes, and I do miss Imo’s, but there’s an Applebee’s, a Chili’s and a serviceable strip mall, so I feel right at home. Tomorrow they may let me begin collecting fecal samples, if I play my cards right. That’s all for now. Look for more updates in future FanPosts.

Warmest regards (except for you, Gaknar),

TK

Threadkiller in Antacrtica: The Trilogy (Episode 2: The Desolation of Penguin #693)

So, we’ve settled in here at McMurdo, and now we’re ready to begin our work in earnest. Esteban, our expedition leader, gave me my first assignment today! Many individuals in the colony we intend to study have been tagged previously, but by and large, they are not accustomed to human contact. It is important that we gain their trust. While these "scientists" fiddled with their instruments and whatnot, I was sent outside to make their acquaintance with 50lbs of cigar minnows.

It wasn’t long before I met my new nemesis: Penguin #693.

Okay, I know that some debate whether people have souls, let alone animals, but this little turd is evil to the core. No matter where I threw the fish, 693 would chase the other birds away and eat every single bite. I threw handfuls in both directions; nobody moved but him. These boxes come 5-pounds each, and that fat little bas@$#d consumed all ten boxes by himself! Then, he just sort listed to his starboard side like a boat taking on water. I think he was trying to lie down but had lost the power. Meanwhile, the rest of the entire group (numbering above 200) had become disinterested and wandered off into the white.

Esteban came out to check on my progress, only to find 10 empty boxes, one regurgitating grotesque male, and Penguin #693. I tried to explain what happened, but Esteban seemed to lose interest very quickly (I saw this same look in his eyes during on conversations aboard the container ship). I have since taken to calling 693 "Saximus" because he reminds me of a friend back home that likes getting me into trouble with bosses. Esteban said we needed to observe Saximus for a few days, to make sure everything comes out okay. They’ve made him a temporary habitat in my bunk, and I have taken up residence with our dog team. Malamutes provide more warmth than huskies; lock that one away for hard times. I don’t have any pictures of Saximus, but here’s a quick sketch I made in my field journal. I’ll give him 2 days; then comes the ban hammer..

TK