Better Know An Opponent: Florida

Hey hey everybody! Welcome to Florida week. Literally as far to the polar opposite that you could get from last weeks BKAO, Florida is known for warm weather and hot ladies. I like it! They are known for their partying as well, and I can get behind that. Hell I'd love to hang out with this guy:


Right off the bat, one thing I did now know about Americas penis as I affectionately refer to our new conference mate is that they are as insecure as we are. Just look at this:


I'd say these guys needs some therapizing to get that self esteem back up.

The one thing that makes me the most sad though about this BKAO is that Charlie Weiss is no longer a member of their staff. Instead he is coaching a JV team at K-State I think. Lets take a minute and talk about an issue that is important to all of us and that coach Weiss is a perfect example of.


It goes by many names: front butt, humpty dumpty syndrome, dickie-doo and of course the "strangled beach ball".

1. History!

The University of Florida (commonly referred to as Florida, UF or U of F) is an American public land-grant, sea-grant, and space-grant research university located on a 2,000-acre campus in Gainesville, Florida. The university traces its historical origins to 1853, and has operated continuously on its present campus since 1906.

Here is a proper map of where Gainesville is located:


It is the second largest Florida university by student population, and is the seventh largest single-campus university in the United States with 49,589 students enrolled for the fall 2011 semester.

Here is Century Tower, begun in 1953, to commemorate the 100th anniversary of the founding of university and as a tribute to the alumni who perished in both World War I and World War II.


Good Americans those Floridians! They support them some war vets, another point for them in my book.

Beginning in 1946, there was dramatically increased interest among male applicants who wanted to attend the University of Florida, mostly returning World War II veterans who could attend college under the GI Bill of Rights ). Unable to immediately accommodate this increased demand, the Florida Board of Control opened the Tallahassee Branch of the University of Florida on the campus of Florida State College for Women in Tallahassee. By the end of the 1946–1947 school year, 954 men were enrolled at the Tallahassee Branch. The following semester, the Florida Legislature returned the Florida State College for Women to coeducational status and renamed it Florida State University.

Very interesting, so FSU is literally just an overflow site for Florida. We in Missouri understand this, we basically send the trash we don't want over state lines to the west, its quite convenient.

Florida has a historic rival in Georgia. Very similar to the MU vs kU rivalry they disagree on a lot, like when the first game actually took place. It is quite heated and the fans do not get along. Sometimes they'll even follow an opposing coach to his "social appointments" to snap compromising photos.


That is just too bad, I mean the man likes to salsa dance in a dress, who hasn't been there before?

Georgia on the other hand likes to start their youngin's out at an early age. They've been known to teach kids to drop a jayhawk into gator gear:


Isnt that just adorable!

2. Mascots/Nicknames!

The alligator was incidentally chosen as the school mascot in 1911, after a local vendor ordered and sold school pennants with an alligator emblem imprinted on them. Thats kinda cool, they accidentally got a feared creature that can eat your face off below the water.


Albert E. Gator and Alberta Gator are the official mascots of the University of Florida. SERIOUSLY?!? You went and took what should be a feared and menacing predator and turned into a plush stand up humanoid with possibly the nerdiest names ever? You seriously screwed up here Florida. At least Truman is still a tiger and strolls around in the buff!

Albert and Alberta are unique among the SEC's college mascots as the only male and female pairing. Great job UF you also took away any manliness you may have had from "Albert" the IT repair gator and gave him a wife. Dude literally has zero manhood left!

This old bag explains my feelings about these mascots better than I ever could:


3. Sports Teams!

Football - Florida holds an all time record of 669–385–40 in football. They have 3 national titles to their name as well as 8 conference titles.

Florida plays at Ben Hill Griffin Stadium which is named after some dead dudes. The stadium is more commonly known as "The Swamp". Now if you had real gators hanging out then playing in the swamp may be a fearsome thing for opposing teams. I'm not terribly scared of those stuffed nerds they have running around tho, and many others don't seem to be:


Alrighty then.

The gators are led by former Auburn and Texas d-coordinator Will Muschamp. I had no idea, but apparently he was also an Aggie at some point.


There just aren't words for this, none.

Muschamp is only entering his second season at the helm of the gators, but he has already been accused of some "strange" tactics. Apparently he convinced some members of the football team to chocolate up before games.


When asked about this after a game last season, he just started giggling and exclaimed that he was a "chocoholic" and loved the smell.

Basketball - The gators have 2 national championships as well another 2 final fours to their credit. They are coached by Billy Donovan who subscribes to the Eddy Munster school of hair prep.


The basketball team plays at The O'connell center, which just looks like some weird alien space ship landed in the middle of campus.


However, if those aliens look like gator cheerleader, they can "abduct and probe" me anytime they like.

Baseball - The baseball team has made the CWS 8 times overall and the last 3 years straight. Much like the Arky games, their appears to be a solid supporting cast in and around the stands area for visitors to enjoy.


Seriously, I'm just going to have to call up trripleplay and take a road trip SEC baseball tour!


Track & Field - Florida has won the last 3 indoor NCAA championships as well as this years Outdoor title. The women have 1 outdoor title to claim also. Like most of the rest of the SEC they are really freaking good on the track.

While impressive they must not be quite right in the heads. In their national championship picture they are either clapping really weird or high fiving imaginary little people.


Maybe they are all suffering from heat stroke or somethin weird.

Womens Basketball - There does not appear to be any info.....


They have only made the 2nd round of the tourney once, they are not good.

Softball - The lady gators made 4 straight WCWS appearances from 2008-2011. Their recent history is quite impressive but they have yet to get over the title hump.

Swimming and Diving - The men and women combined have 5 national titles about 3474345423423 conference titles. Good lord, they swim like....well not freaking stupid stood up stuffed animals! I mean look at this thing, they put board shorts on it! Its a damn aquatic animal!


I hate it so.

Well, Florida overall your not bad people. You love you some America, have hotties in surplus and love to party. I can hang with you, just so long as you hate Arky as much as we do. On that note, its time for EMBARRASSING ALUMNI!

I can never ever shut my mouth during a football game and I have the skinniest head of any man or woman to ever walk this earth....


Cris Collinsworth!

I was on the bachelor, my hair just loves as much product as you can put in it and I actually talk more during a game than freaking Collinsworth....


Jess "Feaux-Hawk" Palmer!

He won a pulitzer prize and he cant kick a ball if the laces aren't out...


David "Ray" Finkel!

He's not afraid to confront a coach at midfield or to tell his boss to repeatedly eff off...


Todd "Mother Effing" Haley!

He'll leave your team after only 2 years and a horrible record, he'll pay your dad upwards of 250k for one year of your service and he has a notoriously bulbous chin....


Eugene "Never gonna call him Gene again" Chizik!

Dont call him Melton but instead Mr. James, he cant dodge any balls at all and may or may not have been a vampire at one point....


Stephen Root!

I might be the worst "Journalist" of all time, not even ESPN would renew my contract, I'm actually worst to listen to than Joe Buck...


Erin "Movie Star" Andrews!

He's the least masculine mascot in all of sports, he makes me wanna punch coworkers in the mouth, he has a wife!....


I couldnt even bring myself to show his stupid face again!

Thats it for now sports fans. Just remember one thing...


Haha, I did laugh.

P.S. rumor is that tepper got married and thats why he was "too busy" to do the BKAO. So I figured I'd see if I could find any pictures of the blessed affair, and I did!




Simply stunning, you could not have done me more proud!

FanPosts may be posted by any RMN member and may not reflect the views of the management staff of Rock M Nation or SB Nation.

Log In Sign Up

Log In Sign Up

Please choose a new SB Nation username and password

As part of the new SB Nation launch, prior users will need to choose a permanent username, along with a new password.

Your username will be used to login to SB Nation going forward.

I already have a Vox Media account!

Verify Vox Media account

Please login to your Vox Media account. This account will be linked to your previously existing Eater account.

Please choose a new SB Nation username and password

As part of the new SB Nation launch, prior MT authors will need to choose a new username and password.

Your username will be used to login to SB Nation going forward.

Forgot password?

We'll email you a reset link.

If you signed up using a 3rd party account like Facebook or Twitter, please login with it instead.

Forgot password?

Try another email?

Almost done,

By becoming a registered user, you are also agreeing to our Terms and confirming that you have read our Privacy Policy.

Join Rock M Nation

You must be a member of Rock M Nation to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at Rock M Nation. You should read them.

Join Rock M Nation

You must be a member of Rock M Nation to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at Rock M Nation. You should read them.




Choose an available username to complete sign up.

In order to provide our users with a better overall experience, we ask for more information from Facebook when using it to login so that we can learn more about our audience and provide you with the best possible experience. We do not store specific user data and the sharing of it is not required to login with Facebook.