Standing Up To Fourth Quarter Fools

We’ve all been there. It’s the end of the third quarter and your team is locked into a tight battle with the visiting so-and-so’s. The beer vendor has already made his last call, and your tailgate is just sitting out there in the parking lot begging you to come finish off those last two Buds you have in the cooler. You’re facing quite the dilemma. Do you stay and watch the rest of this game, or do you head back to the parking lot to compete in yet another rousing game of "cornhole"? Here are three good reasons to take a stand against those "loyalist" fans and get back to the sunshine of the parking lot.

1. Football Games Are Really Loud

Yeah, it is really annoying to sit in front of some mouth-breathing redneck screaming about the penalty the refs just refused to call while you’re trying to text your mom about seeing you on TV. It’s just really rude of these fans to be so critical of these people they don’t even know, where are their manners? A loud stadium can be really inconvenient to your hearing too. If your ears are ringing when you’re leaving the stadium, you know you’ve stayed way too long. Just ask Chiefs fans, that stadium gets loud no matter how bad the Chiefs are, and that kind of loyalty is just totally irrational.

2. The Outcome

These guys have been going at it for three whole quarters now, who really has the attention span to see them play for another whole quarter? As esteemed readers of Rock M Nation, you can just get online and check the scores when you get home anyway. Just leave those other 70,000 fans behind to their drunken stupor and get back to the comfort of your own recliner. There will be another game to leave early next week anyway, no need to get all worked up over the one this week. It’s not like joining the SEC is a big deal for Mizzou anyway, the team will do just fine at the end of the game without you.

3. Twenty Minutes

Think of all the things you can do in twenty minutes. Preheat the oven. Walk the dog. Read a short story. None of these things would be possible if YOU, the most reasonable sports fan of all, stayed for that pesky fourth quarter. It’s not like big things happen in football games in the fourth quarter anyway, right? Save yourself the pain of watching that extra twenty minutes of football and use it to change the world, one cleaned bathroom at a time. You spent seventy bucks for that ticket, that poor slob outside the stadium wishing he had the ticket would have stayed and watched the end of the game, and that is why you have just done more for him than he ever will.

So it is pretty clear that there is only one rational decision to make when that fourth quarter rolls around. Take a stand, be a true fan, and leave that stadium. When your buddy tries to get you to actually finish the game, remind him of these three things. The stadium is kind of uncomfortable and loud, the outcome doesn’t really matter, and you have to save the world with that extra twenty minutes. You’ll face plenty of razzing and scolding from those so-called "loyal fans", but deep down inside, you know supporting the team you’re a fan of in the fourth quarter just isn’t worth the hassle. You got your money’s worth in that ticket by just showing up, because the game of football has nothing to do with the players that are being forced to play all four quarters, but rather with making sure each fan is comfortable and happy, right?... Right?



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