FanPost

Mizzou 2013 Season Preview

Murray State: W

Dorial Green-Beckham, the nation's No. 1 recruit two years ago, curiously plays just 10 plays and makes no catches. When asked why after the game, Missouri coach Gary Pinkel responds by simply saying "Don James called before the game and told me to only play Dorial ten plays"

Toledo: W

After the game, Missouri Athletic Director Mike Alden pulls Toledo coach Matt Campbell aside and asks him if he's interested in following in Gary Pinkel's footsteps in case the Tigers bellyflop in the SEC for the second straight year. Campbell, the second-youngest FBS head coach, says "Thanks, but no thanks," telling Alden "I don't want to follow the trail of open wine bottles that leads from Toledo to Columbia."

At Indiana: W

On a third-quarter scoring drive, Indiana quarterback Cameron Coffman, younger brother of former Missouri tight end Chase Coffman, hurdles over Missouri safety Matt White and into the end zone. Missouri Defensive Coordinator Dave Steckel runs onto the field in a blinding rage, feeling that Coffman was showboating.

"YOU DIDN'T NEED TO DO THAT!" Steckel screams. "IT'S NOT LIKE HE WAS GOING TO MAKE THE FUCKING TACKLE ANYWAY"

Vs. Arkansas State: W

Despite the 4-0 start, after the game, Alden reminds first-year Arkansas State coach Bryan Harsin that the last two guys to have the Arkansas State job (Hugh Freeze, Gus Malzahn) are now SEC head coaches. Harsin stares blankly back, confused as to why Alden would bring up the SEC.

At Vanderbilt: L

Missouri quarterback James Franklin is intercepted three times and fumbles twice before being replaced after three quarters. Pinkel tries to convince Vanderbilt coach James Franklin to play the fourth under center for the Tigers, but his efforts are rebuffed.

At Georgia: L

Former Missouri defensive lineman Sheldon Richardson attends the game during his NFL bye week as a special guest of Georgia's oldest living alumnus.

Vs. Florida: L

The game is delayed by almost an hour as a Faurot Field crew is forced to locate over 1,000 pieces of Will Muschamp's head after it exploded while arguing over a targeting ejection in the third quarter.

After the game, a pool reporter asks the official who issued the flag what happened.

"I told him he was acting like a wookie, and then he told me didn't get that reference," the official explains. "Then he started responding calmly then all of the sudden he was yelling, and boom, his head was just gone. I don't even know."

Vs. South Carolina: L

Steve Spurrier shows up halfway through the first quarter of a two-touchdown Gamecock victory, then breaks his back trying to do a backflip in celebration of Jadaveon Clowney's record-breaking 6th scoop and score sack of the season.

He explains after the game that he lost a golf bet to Ozzie Smith at Old Hawthorne that morning. "My daddy told me never to gamble with a damn wizard, but I guess I just couldn't resist," he tells reporters before being wheeled into the OR.

Vs. Tennessee: L

After a heartbreaking four-overtime loss marks the second straight thriller in this budding rivalry, Gary Pinkel is asked what the difference was between the two games.

"Well one was last year, and this was this year. Last time we scored more points, this time they scored more points," he explains before adding, "And their coach no longer has orange pants. Ultimately I think that was the biggest factor."

At Kentucky: W

The Tigers keep their bowl hopes alive with a win over a dreadful Wildcats team. After the game, KTGR's Will Palaczuk asks Pinkel if he feels like he now "owns" the Stoops family, after extending his winning streaks against them to two.

"Mack Brown actually called ME looking for tips!" Pinkel responds gleefully.

At Ole Miss: W

Pinkel goes missing three hours before game time, but Dave Steckel improves his record as Missouri head coach to 2-0 as the Tigers surprise the Rebels in Oxford and get bowl eligible.

Pinkel turns up at the MATC on Monday unshaven and scraggly, claiming the road trip was the "best night of my life, but I'm hazy on the details."

Vs. Texas A&M: L

Steckel again mans the sidelines as Pinkel goes missing again on Friday. After the game Johnny Manziel, who throws for three and runs for two touchdowns tells reporters that "I came, I saw, I conquered. The only thing I didn't do was find out where to get those jumbo wine glasses I heard about."

Monday, Vahe Gregorian of the Kansas City Star breaks the story that Pinkel watched the game from his condo at the Lake of the Ozarks because he was nursing a bad case of Chlamydia he picked up the week prior from a coed that he apparently fornicated with up against a tree inside Oxford's legendary "grove."

Alden fires Pinkel for the incident later that day, citing the zero tolerance policy he put in place after Pinkel's 2011 DUI.

The next day, Pinkel holds a telephonic press conference, which he opens by saying, "We need to coach better next season. I need to do better for us to get better."

Once informed by Dave Matter of the St. Louis Post-Dipsatch that he has been fired, Pinkel tells reporters, "Oh yeah, I saw that. Thought it was a dream," then explains that he "was going to retire anyway" to be with his true love, Mitzi, and that he's moving to Oxford. "She just gets me," he says.

Later that day, during South Carolina's media day prior to the SEC Championship Game, Spurrier is asked about the Pinkel situation.

"Ah, Mitzi, I know her," he says with a wry smile. "I was pissing flames for a year and a half. I tried to warn everybody about her at the SEC Meetings, but I guess Gary didn't listen."

BOWL: AdvoCare Independence Bowl vs. Kansas: L

Kansas Athletic Director Sheahon Zenger tries to back out of accepting the Indy Bowl bid when he finds out who the other team is, but is talked into it by former Kansas City Star reporter Mike DeArmond.

"I just sat him down and said, ‘Sheahon, this rivalry,'" DeArmond tells his colleague Gregorian. "That was all I had to say."

Weis was also disappointed, despite being named Big 12 Coach of the Year for leading the Jayhawks to six wins despite the fact that he called them "a pile of crap" during the preseason.

"I really wanted to go to the Orange Bowl," Weis says. "Edible trophies are the best."

Steckel leads the team into the Indy Bowl's first-ever sellout, but falls short after DGB decides to declare for the draft BEFORE the bowl game because of lack of playing time.

Ultimately, Alden decides to hire Steckel permanently despite the loss.


"Dave has a great personality. Just a really warm guy. We have a reputation to uphold inside the Missouri brand, and I think Dave is the guy to do that."

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