2011: The Story of Mizzou's Independence

We never go quietly into the night. - Jack Peglow

On this Fourth of July, let us recount a different tale of freedom. One fraught with drama, intrigue, and espionage. I'm talking, of course, about the University of Missouri's fight for independence from the Big 12.

The year 2011, celebrated for the signing of Mizzou's Declaration of Independence from the Big 12, was for those who fought for freedom a year of all-too-few victories, of sustained suffering, disease, hunger, desertion, cowardice, disillusionment, defeat, terrible discouragement, and fear as they would never forget. But it was also a year of phenomenal courage and bedrock devotion to the university, and that too, they would never forget. It was a year of change, but not change that came easily. The ever watchful Longhorn legions stood in the way of Mizzou's progress, ready to beat back any semblance of resistance.

There had been rumblings of rebellion for some time. The seeds of discontent sown by the Longhorn leaders had germinated, and schools were actively searching for ways out. It was the inception of the Longhorn Network that sent many over the edge. The Tigers saw the writing on the wall, and in November of 2011 they declared themselves independent from the Big 12. Colonel Deloss Dodds, the commanding officer of the Longhorn Army at the time, knew that Mizzou's best battalions were on par with Texas' worst, so he prepared his troops for what he expected to be a minor skirmish.

In his arrogance, Colonel Dodds had overlooked one major development: the Tigers had enlisted the help of a foreign power.


Thanks to the SEC's vastly superior revenue streams, Mizzou had obtained a significant leg up on their enemy. With their newfound weaponry, the Tigers stormed onto the battlefield. They overwhelmed the undermanned Longhorns immediately. Many of those wearing burnt orange uniforms turned tail without even firing a shot.

Leading the charge in his trusty helmet car was Missouri's commander-in-chief Mike Alden. He himself drove out dozens of Longhorn soldiers, cementing his place atop the newly formed SEC university. After the battle, he parked his steed in Faurot Field and retired it. He then ascended to the highest point of the battlefield and planted the American Flag, forever claiming Columbia in the name of the SEC.


It is because of the bravery of men like Mike Alden that we can enjoy the freedoms that we do, which is why we set aside this day of remembrance. Today, we celebrate many things. Our courageous ancestors, the truest sons. Our fearless leaders who guided us through such a turbulent time. And most importantly, our independence.


God bless America


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