Look, we're all a little disappointed that the MU softball team and our Internet best friend Ehren Earleywine came up short of their goals this season, but it was still a tremendous season for the #TremendousStubble. We had some laughs, we had some tears, we had some "GOOD GOD ALMIGHTY, WASHINGTON, STOP CHANTING, IT'S WHY THE TERRORISTS HATE US" moments. It was fun, right? It was fun.
But now the MU softball season is over, and with it, the 2013 Rock M Nation Tremendous Stubble Charity Drive, benefiting the MU Children's Hospital. You know what that means?
Time to make good on your pledges, folks.
Remember a couple of weeks ago, when you went online and posted how much you would give depending on the amount of success that the MU softball team had in their postseason run? Remember that? If not, we literally have a record of it.
Well, it's time to total up what you owe and make your donation to the MU Children's Hospital. That's how this thing works. For some of the more common prop bets, here are the totals for the #TremendousStubble's run through the postseason:
27 Chelsea Thomas strikeouts
3 home runs
If you made a more intricate prop bet -- which is basically all of you, because you hate me and want me to spend hours on a spreadsheet -- the best thing you can do is go through the box scores and total up your donation. Here's Game 1 (Stony Brook), Game 2 (Hofstra), Game 3 (Hofstra), Game 4 (Hofstra), Game 5 (Washington) and Game 6 (Washington).
So now you have your total. Awesome. You're super-good at math and I applaud you. Here's how this works:
HOW TO DONATE
We're once again donating directly to the hospital, because collecting money makes me super-tense. Our MU Health friend Helen Oetting has been fantastic in helping us, and she laid out the instructions in a way that even a dolt like me can understand.
So, CLICK HERE TO GO TO THE DONATION PAGE. You'll see this:
In the dropdown that says "Please select a fund", be sure to select "Children's Hospital." Then, enter your amount in the box next to it.
Finally -- and this is super important -- make sure you put "Tremendous Stubble" in the text box for Memorial Gifts below. That way, the hospital will be able to track our donations. And as an added bonus, when you get your receipt for it from the hospital at the end of the year, it'll say "Tremendous Stubble" next to it and you will laugh and laugh and your wife will wonder what you're laughing at but you don't have to tell her because it'll be our little secret.
So, it should look a little something like this.
After you click the Continue to Payment Information button, it'll take you to a credit card information page. Have you ever bought anything online, like a pallet of Ramen noodles or a "Pig Brown Is My Leader" T-shirt? It's exactly like that.
After that, you click "Continue" and you're done! It'll take you to a gift receipt page, and by all means, print that out if you want. But MU Health should e-mail you a receipt and also mail you a receipt as well for your tax deduction purposes, so don't worry about it if you don't. Is it bad that I deduct everything? Like, for example, I bought Whataburger the other day, and I'm planning on deducting it. That's how taxes work, right? I'm going to get audited.
And there you have it: you've donated to the MU Children's Hospital in the name of a stupid blog's obsession with a softball coach's facial hair. Pretty rad.
If possible, we'd like for you to donate by Monday. If you can't do that, no worries; we're just trying to get a rough estimate of the donation by early next week. So fulfill your pledge today!
One more thing:
A WORD ABOUT WELCHING
We're all adults here. (OK, we're mostly adults here.) Nobody's going to breathe down your neck about whether you donated or not. This is an honor system-based project. If you are going to back out of your pledge, you're going to get away with it. That's how the honor system works.
But this is for sick kids. Let me repeat that and put it in all sorts of text modifications: THIS IS FOR SICK KIDS. If you're the religious type, welching on your pledge to sick kids is one of those "Go directly to hell, do not pass Go, do not collect $200"-type offenses. If you're not the religious type, you'll feel really bad about yourself and the next time you get hit in the groin or burn yourself taking a plate of pizza out of the microwave, I imagine you'll have one of those "Yeah, I deserve that" moments.
So c'mon. Live up to your end of the bargain. Do it for kids like Jeffrey.
Thank you for your participation in the Third Annual Rock M Nation Tremendous Stubble Charity Drive. You are loved.