Forgot to post the Roundtable Questions open thread last night, but I snagged a couple of questions from readers this morning...
1 - The discovery that Ricardo Ratliffe is now following us on Twitter raises a question: name the person from your school (current or former player/coach/whatever) that you wish was on Twitter more than anybody else, just for the potential day-to-day entertainment prospects?
2 - Assume for a moment that a) there's still a Big 12 in the coming years, and b) the concept of a "Big 12 / Pac-10 Football Challenge" comes to fruition. Name the three teams (in order) that you would love to see Missouri play.
3 - In honor of the wonderful Ebert review of Sex & the City 2 today, what’s the worst chick flick you’ve ever seen?
4 - And after last week's appearance by, uh, relatives of mine, I have this question: describe the childhood picture that, if leaked onto the internet, would cause the most grief and ruin your rep ... or whatever the equivalent to a "rep" is for people who spend most of their day on a computer, posting on some loser fan site like this...
(An hour after the e-mail goes out...)
Doug: 1 - Well, Bill Self's posts are pretty funny, since I'm about 500% certain he's not actually the one writing them and they're written for max character count, instead of being witty. I kind of wish a profane Matk Mangino Twitter account existed. But, top of the list would be Lew Perkins even if he would only talk about how he was consipiring to screw over Missouri.
2 - USC, Washington and Oregon (just to see who would have the ugliest Nike uniforms on the field).
3 - I refuse to answer that question on grounds of protecting what small shreds of my manhood remain.
4 - There's one of a one-year old me, asleep, holding a tuna fish sandwich, but really that's the only one I can think of. My parents were not big into the cute, naked photos that seem to lurk in the past of so many others.
Bill C.: Manhood. Funny. ANSWER THE QUESTION.
Doug: Yeah, because my failure to answer question three is what's killing this paticular round table.
Bill C.: Seriously, I guess everybody's just taking this week off after last week's greatness...
1 - My first two answers would have been Sean Weatherspoon and Kim English, but they're both already on, and they both occasionally live up to the expectations I've set for them on there. I'll go with Justin Smith, just in the hopes that I would one day see a "GODZILLA ANGRY. GODZILLA SMASH," post. That, or a FakeNormStewart account.
2 - In order, I would say UCLA, Oregon State, Washington. UCLA because I love their colors, and I'd love the opportunity to make sad the bitter, arrogant fans who polluted Tigerboard in the early part of the last decade after we canceled the proposed Mizzou-UCLA home-and-home. Oregon State because, despite the myriad of "iffy" calls that hurt us in the 2006 Sun Bowl, I just really enjoyed the styles and matchups on display, and I think it would still be a fun game. Washington because ... duh, Pinkel Bowl.
3 - I can't remember how, but I got sucked into seeing Stepmom with my parents in the friggin' theater when it came out. It had every tear-jerker cliche a chick flick could possibly have. It was epic and horrific. (Pretty sure new Rock M poster "Bill C.'s Mom" might have a different opinion, as I'm pretty sure she was crying 25 seconds into the movie.)
4 - Sadly, the ones covered in last week's roundtable comments probably aren't the most embarrassing ones available, but I'll go ahead and say they are.
Michael Atchison: I pin this one on Bill. Softball’s in the super regionals, there’s an AP article on Mizzou running off Tyler Stone and The Big Ten may or may do something that may or may not involve Missouri and may or may not fulfill our greatest hopes and dreams, and we’re talking about embarrassing snapshots and chick flicks. It’s like watching Rome fall before our eyes.
Still, to answer the first question, I think it would be cool if Bill C. had a twitter account.
Bill C.: Right, because Softball questions have gone really far with this roundtable in the past...
(A Stone question might have been a good idea, however. I just hate the topic and want to ignore it.)
ZouDave: 1 - I'd have to think Norm Stewart's presence on Twitter would be widely appreciated. I'm betting he could be pretty funny, right up there with "Shit my dad says". As long as he didn't tweet about Bank Midwest being a slam dunk.
2 - a) you're not the boss of me. b) a what now?. I would love to see Missouri play USC, Oregon and Arizona State. We're already getting one of those which is awesome, so bring on the other two!
3 - I don't know. I've been pretty good about avoiding the truly awful chick flicks. I never saw that wretched abortion called "Failure to Launch", but I would imagine if I had seen it that it would be the answer, so let's just go with that.
4 - Hmm....seriously going to have to think about this one. I have no idea.
RPT: Watching Rome fall before our eyes? Methinks Atch has quite an inflated view of RMN.
ZouDave: That, and he remembers what it was like to actually watch Rome fall...
Bill C.: Boom. Age jokes. Now we're rolling.
Doug: Old people jokes! I love 'em!
Michael Atchison: This roundtable is doomed to fail. I see Bill C writing a long post titled "What If . . . I’d asked some good questions."
ZouDave: I think we're just going to spend the next 4 hours niggling and picking at each other, there will be some random photos thrown in, someone will post a YouTube video, Atch and Bill C will discuss some band nobody else has ever heard of, and around 1:30pm GHT will finally show up.
If RockMNation were a chick flick, it'd be predictable and cliched. And BEEF would be the fat, sassy girl who brings lots of energy to the group.
WE LOVE YOU BEEF!
Michael Atchison: Guilty as charged. I saw Conan O’Brien last week and single-handedly raised the average age of the crowd to 39.
Michael Atchison: "Some band nobody else has ever heard of"
Everybody dig some Titus Andronicus!
ZouDave: oh my God that is just noise.
But speaking of good music (and we were NOT speaking of good music...), Band of Horses is performing at the Blue Note in Columbia on Wednesday, July 14. Saw them open for Pearl Jam a couple of weeks ago. They were freaking fantastic. Anybody around there should go. I will be making a trip down to see them.
RPT: Oh, and just so you old folk can't call me out for not answering the questions:
1. Baby Beef.
2. Isn't everybody going to answer USC and Oregon? Those aside, I'd be interested to see Missouri play a game at the Rose Bowl (UCLA's appearance there is optional). Arizona State is on the list for the "scenery." Watching a game by the water at Washington would be interesting. To be fair, probably all games except WSU, OSU or Cal would interest me, and Cal's inclusion on the list is 100 percent hippie-related.
3. Yeah, that abortion of a movie Dave mentioned? I went to see that on a date with my girlfriend at the time. The movie sucked so hard that my girlfriend, who LOVED shitty movies, said we could walk out early. I can't even come up with a proper metaphor for how much that movie sucked.
4. There probably isn't a picture that DOESN'T somehow embarrass me.
ghtd36: IT IS 10 A.M. AND I I AM WRITING THIS. UP YOURS, ZOUDAVE.
1- You know whose Twitter I would probably pay a premium to read, part of the Twitter Platinum package? Ehren Earleywine. That dude has never not given an entertaining quote. Ehren Earleywine is the white, collegiate-softball-coaching equivalent of Shaquille O'Neal. I mean, just look at him.
"Hey. I'm Ehren Earleywine. Yeah, my name's spelled a little funky, but what I lack in normal namehood I make up in tremendous stubble.
Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to call for a double-steal when nobody would ever call for a double-steal, and it'll work. Know why?
I'M EHREN F**KING EARLEYWINE, THAT'S WHY."
Ehren Earleywine for President.
2- Mizzou vs. Oregon for obvious uniform-related reasons.
Mizzou vs. Cal, because I have an inexplicable, unfounded hatred for Jeff Tedford.
And Mizzou vs. Arizona State. Wait. Scratch that. Mizzou AT Arizona State. I don't feel it necessary to justify this choice, but I will anyway.
3- Does "The Phantom Menace" count as a chick flick? Because that was miserable.
I'll go with anything Hugh Grant has been in. Holy hell, is Hugh Grant a beating. WE GET IT. HE'S BRITISH. God, I hope Hugh Grant eats a bullet.
4- There may or may not exist a photo of a young ghtd36 on Santa's lap, screaming bloody murder. Oh, I'm sorry, Mom, I'm a child. I'm scared of large men who want me to sit on their lap. IT'S A DEFENSE MECHANISM.
ZouDave: It's 1:30pm somewhere. Wherever it's GMT -2. Wait...there is no GMT -2? Hmm. I've been thwarted. I am shamed. As punishment, I bring you:
ghtd36: Oh, and are we recommending musical artists? I submit to the Roundtable: Wade Bowen.
This isn't his best song, but it's the best he has on YouTube. And it's still better than the noise pollution Atch is offering. Hey, Atch, know what's fun? DIFFERENT CHORDS. What does the sheet music for that song look like?
C C C C C C C C C C C C C C C C C C C C C C C C C C C C C C C C C C C C C C C C C C C C C C C C C C C C C C C C C C C C B-flat C C C C C C C C C C C C C C C C C C C C C C C C C C C C C C C C C C C C C C C C C C C C C C C C C C C C C C C C C C C
RPT: And Greg pulls out Wade Bowen's best work to date. Touche, sir.
As for this line: "I'M EHREN F**KING EARLEYWINE, THAT'S WHY." Does that remind you of anyone else?
Bill C.: Alright, if we're sharing music, then I'll be the predictable White Guy Who Likes Hip Hop and Therefore Crams Talib Kweli and/or Mos Def Down Everybody's Throat As Often As Possible. Kweli put out an album last week, and it's awesome. This is the most single-ish song on the album.
ghtd36: Hm. What say you, Philosoraptor?
Michael Atchison: Titus Andronicus would snort Band of Horses up one nostril and expel them out the other. In related news, the new LCD Soundsystem disc aims for global domination and achieves it.
How is it that we're not discussing the latest out of Lawrence?
ghtd36: I know I'm supposed to be That Missouri Fan and pile on KU...but...uh...what?
It's ticket-scalping. It's not murder. So Brady Morningstar's dad is a crook. OK?
Back to the most important thing:
Hello, Missouri softball player reading this blog. It's your pal, ghtd36. First of all, you're awesome.
Second of all, please direct coach Earleywine to this post, and tell him that it would be a dream for us, a bunch of nerds, if he would drop the phrase "tremendous stubble" in a future interview.
Go Tigers. And go Tremendous Stubble.
ZouDave: It doesn't have to be murder for it to be a serious crime.
RPT: But remember, one person is sorta, kinda unhappy with Mike Anderson. So their fan base has that going for them.
Bill C.: Seriously, I'm not going overboard with this by any means, but ... $800,000 is a lot of money.
ghtd36: I guess I've just never understood the big deal around ticket scalping. But yes, you're right, Bill, $800,000 is a lot of money. That's roughly 200,000 Double Downs.
ZouDave: ticket scalping as most people think of it is going to be you or me ending up with a couple of extra tickets, and we sell them at the event before the game for what demand dictates. It's a small gain personally, and we acquired the tickets legally and through good faith efforts available to everyone.
The scalping being talked about here is comparable to insider trading. Nobody else had an opportunity to buy these tickets, and the access to them was being controlled through very specific channels. There was clearly ongoing conspiracies to acquire and move these tickets for maximum profit and limit the access to them to those outside of this circle.
And then of course there's the whole income tax evasion part of it. It's illegal to earn this much money in this fashion without reporting it as income. Sell a couple of tickets for a couple hundred bucks profit? Nobody cares. Sell a few thousand tickets for nearly $1,000,000? Yes, people are going to start asking questions. And rightfully so. Everyone involved knew this was a crime or they wouldn't have been keeping it so secret. They don't get to act surprised or outraged once they get caught. My cheating whore of an ex-wife got that same speech from me.
Michael Atchison: Wade Bowen? Meh. Shiner Bock music.
Try Dawes instead:
ghtd36: AND WHAT EXACTLY IS WRONG WITH SHINER BOCK MUSIC, OR ANYTHING ASSOCIATED WITH THE DELICIOUS ELIXIR?
Michael Atchison: If Shiner came from anywhere but Texas, you’d say it sucks, and you’d be right.
ghtd36: Patently false.
ZouDave: Explosions in the Sky are pretty awesome...
RPT: Explosions in the Sky: Making meaningless tasks in your own life seem like an awesome slow motion scene from Friday Night Lights, minus the stunning Lyla Garrity.
ZouDave: and FNL has been minus the stunning Lyla Garrity so far this year. And the stunning Tyra Collette. But Becky Sproles, played by the lovely Madison Burge, is a nice addition.
RPT: I just got off the phone with Atch's publisher. They heard his comments about Shiner Bock. They also wanted to submit these edits for the next edition of True Sons:
Michael Atchison: Joke’s on you. There’s not enough interest in the book to warrant a second edition.
RPT: Especially now during the Golden Era of Mizzou Basketball.
//waits for Atch to bludgeon me to death with a picture of Norm Stewart
Michael Atchison: Actually, I’ve dispatched Norm Stewart to bludgeon you to death with a picture of Norm Stewart. The Coach is protective.
ghtd36: I'd pay $55 on PPV to watch Norm Stewart bludgeon RPT with a photo of Norm Stewart.
RPT: One of these days, my love for getting a rise out of people will come back to haunt me. I open it up to the members of the Roundtable to place their bets now on what such situation will be the death of me.
ZouDave: I think it will involve questioning Bill C's ability in Excel.
RPT: I would have died long, long ago if that was the case.
ZouDave: you didn't say it had to be immediate. Bill's probably plotting a way to kill you. And by plotting a way to kill you, I mean plotting a graph in Excel.
The Beef: So in going through this site trying to figure out who I was, this was about the best I could come up with to fit ZD’s description…which was tough because based on the little I know about chick flicks, there are not many fat, sassy people…but this site qualified "50 First Dates", so here I am I guess.
Clearly ZD knows a great deal more than I about chick flicks though, so preach on ZD, preach on
To answer the other questions
#1 – I wish Twitter did not exist
#2 – USC, Arizona, Oregon
#3 – Um…see above
#4 – My modeling head shots from when I was 3….yes…I was a child model
RPT: Beef: "My modeling head shots from when I was 3….yes…I was a child model"
RPT's reaction: OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD
The Beef: Figured that might spice things up a bit. I believe Bill C. has seen them when he made the trip north to MN back a number of years ago, when we definitely wont talk about how Bill figured out how to throw up on a wall he was facing away from on New Years.
Bill C.: I think even my parents are more interested in getting The 3-Year Old Beef's Modeling Head Shots on the Internet instead of 3-Year Old Bill C. in His Danny White Jersey...
ghtd36: By the way, HEY BEEF!
The Beef: The call went out…and I answered
ghtd36: Is it too early to start planning RockMNationPalooza 2010 for a football Saturday?
Michael Atchison: This is going so much better than the initial questions would have led me to believe.
Bill C.: Further proof that the questions don't actually matter.
RPT: "This is going so much better than the initial questions would have led me to believe." Is that what all your Law School professors thought too?
Michael Atchison: Judging from my memberships in Order of the Coif and the Missouri Law Review, I guess I would suspect so.
I’ll save you the effort at Googling: It means I was a badass legal scholar.
Bill C.: Why don't they just call it the Order of the Badass Legal Scholars?
ghtd36: Because that's too many characters to print on a pocket protector.