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1. Gene "I made Cam Newton from raw unobtanium" Chizik
This is just a no brainer. The guy has Big 12 and SEC experience. He's won it all and just barely missed out on the SEC title game this last year. Obviously Bama fans had him run out of his job because they were deathly afraid of his abilities as a game manager and recruiter.
2. Hootie "Where's the freaking blowfish" Ingram
This man amongst boys coached at Clemson for 3 years in the early 70's. He was soooo far head of his time that he was flat out fired for being the best damn looking man on campus. Seriously, the women rallied and said they couldn't handle the heat that emanating from the football offices. I am not certain if he is still alive, but his name is freaking Hootie, hire this man now!
3. Ron "The Zooker can bench 1,300 lbs with the flu" Zook
He couldnt beat Mizzou to save his life. He got hosed at Florida. He did go to a Rose Bowl, which this year is like the 3rd runner up at the Miss Gilpin County beauty contest when only 2 contestants showed up.
4. Randy "Who doesnt freaking love strip clubs with felons" Shannon
We already have Frank Haith and look at the job he's done. 'Ol Rando would fit in just fine with his ex-mate Haith around. This dude knows how to party South Beach style. I know he was D-coordinator before, I just want this dude around for the stories and you know he can recruit like crazy!