1. Mississippi State – Playing Kentucky after a bye week is like having a marginally important work meeting after a three-day weekend. You walk in still hungover from the festivities and suddenly you've missed several key pieces of information and you have to scramble to just look competent enough to deserve that raise in a few weeks.
~ BIG OL' GAP ~
2. Alabama – [sigh] Alabama's going to win out, beat Mississippi State, represent the SEC West in Atlanta, and render all of this season's crazy happy fun times irrelephant, aren't they?
3. Auburn – The Tigers are a bullet train rapidly approaching the unfinished bridge that spans the end of their season. Last year, the train spawned angelic wings and glided right over that gap as a brass ensemble played the fight song. We'll see if Auburn has any of that magic left, but all signs are pointing toward "No."
4. LSU – Having such a chaotic season without LSU making waves just didn't feel right. It's good to have ya back, Les.
5. Ole Miss – Looks like Dr. Bo FINALLY sobered up.
6. Georgia – All Georgia has to do this week is plaster Florida like they've plastered their last three opponents and Muschamp's demise is all but assured and oh god they're going to lose aren't they I'm so sorry.
7. Texas A&M – Hopefully the Aggies spent their timeout (read: bye week) thinking about what they'd done.
8. Arkansas – STILL AIN'T BEAT NOBODY IN THE SEC PAAAWWWLLL.
9. Kentucky – Traded blows with MSU and stayed standing longer than most. I don't even have a joke, that's damn impressive, Cats.
10. Missouri – The Tigers seem to be in the midst of a psychological experiment. What is offense, REALLY? Does it exists? How can we be sure?
11. South Carolina – The Ol' Ball Coach gave us another classic, despite Dylan Thompson's best efforts to give the game away.
12. Florida – Looks like Muschamp survived the bye week. A solid performance from his team against Georgia would go a long way towards him not getting Puncho'd after this year.
13. Tennessee – Bring it in, Vols. It's okay, Amari Cooper can't hurt you anymore.
14. Vanderbilt – Hey look! Vandy kept it close! Never you mind whether Mizzou is terrible or not, this is big news!
There you have it, your current SEC standings, ranked by a serious, professional journalist. Feel free to get angry at me in the comments!