1. Alabama – Back on top. Don't call it a comeback. Seriously, don't.
2. Mississippi State – 'Preciate the Dak-door cover, fellas.
3. Ole Miss – Been a whiles since we've seen a prime time Dr. Bo performance, which means he'll have been pregaming HARD for the Arkansas game. Brace yourselves, Hogs. You too, Rebels.
4. Georgia – In the clubhouse at 6-2. The Tennessee and Arkansas fan bases will be twice as big these next two weeks.
5. Auburn – God's Tigers have been sent to purgatory. REPENT, AND THOU SHALL BE SAVED.
6. Missouri – I asked Mizzou to prove to me that they deserved to move up, and they did. The offense *finally* has an identity that's allowed Maty Mauk to become comfortable in the flow of the game. That monstrous sigh you just heard was the Tiger defense exhaling in relief.
7. Arkansas - BERT ain't never shaving again.
8. LSU – The offense saw the temperatures in Fayetville and said, "You think that's cold? Lemme show you cold."
9. Texas A&M – As a Mizzou fan, I'm REAL glad the Tigers don't have to play the Aggies again until 2021. This young team is going to be monstrous for the next few years. Luckily, that isn't quite the case just yet.
10. Tennessee – Dobbs has been excellent the past few games. Imagine how good he'd be if he didn't have to run for his life every third play.
11. South Carolina – [smirk emoji]
12. Florida – This has been fun for the non-UF fans. It'll get REAL serious when they hire a proven HC, tho.
13. Kentucky – I know the basketball team is good, but did you have to send the football team to watch them play DURING a football game!?
14. Vanderbilt – See that light at the end of the tunnel, 'Dores? Just go ahead and walk that way.
There you have it, your current SEC standings, ranked by a serious, professional journalist. Feel free to get angry at me in the comments!