1. Mississippi State – I see you putting the car in neutral going down these hills, MSU. Can't blame the Bulldogs for trying to save gas for the end of the season, though.
2. Auburn – It really is fun to watch Gus Malzahn bleed a defense dry when it's not happening to the team you actively root for.
3. Alabama – Really unimpressive against BYE, imo.
4. LSU – Their defense is really starting to come along, but Amari Cooper is a bad, bad man.
5. Ole Miss – I'm so, so sorry, Rebs. Not going to make any jokes, that was a kick in the teeth.
6. Arkansas – You'll get that first SEC victory someday, Bert. More specifically, that day will be the day you get your hands on a competent passing attack.
7. Georgia - S. M. H.
8. Missouri – The Tigers are just gonna go for a nice little unassuming stroll and whoops looks like they're in first-place in the SEC East how did that happen
9. Texas A&M – The Aggies played terribly last weekend, but at least they looked damn good doing so. Their uniforms were about the only thing they had going for them.
10. Florida – #4MoreYears
11. Kentucky – That mild earthquake you felt around 4:30pm CT last Saturday was the majority of Big Blue Nation moving on to basketball season.
12. Tennessee – Lil' Jon became a Vols fan and they've been turning down ever since.
13. South Carolina – Spurrier might finish with the lowest round he's had since he played in the member/guest over the summer.
14. Vanderbilt – They didn't lose, I suppose.
There you have it, your current SEC standings, ranked by a serious, professional journalist. Feel free to get angry at me in the comments!