GRAND CHAMPION: THE INDIANA HOOSIERS
Any-who, here's how the rest of the rankings shake out:
1. Alabama – Everyone did their vey best to keep the Tide out of the top spot, but somehow Amari Cooper just *kept* getting open.
2. Missouri – The Tigers are Atlanta bound for the second year in a row after beating the hottest team in the wild, wild West. In the past two Novembers – with the SEC East on the line – Mizzou is 8-0.
3. Ole Miss – Dr. Bo closes up his medical kit and looks back into the surgery room one last time. Strewn about the semi-sterile workplace are broken scalpels, empty beer cans, and a few deflated footballs. He smiles, swinging his kit over his shoulder. It's heavier than before, due to that large, egg-shaped protrusion most likely. Downing the contents of his last brew, he walks off into the night.
4. Mississippi State – So Dak Prescott didn't end up being Prince Charming. Or maybe he was at one point, but a quick face-lift at the hands of Dr. Bo changed all that.
5. Georgia – I'm not sure a single team has ever lost two games in one weekend until now. The Dawgs lost to Missouri on Friday night, and followed it up by losing to Georgia Tech on Saturday. That's a ruff weekend.
6. Auburn – I'll be treating this comment just like any other comment and whoops looks like Amari Cooper already got open again at the top of the page.
7. Arkansas – Ol' Bert was Bertin' real hard, but he just didn't Bert enough. Side note: this rivalry should be fun.
8. LSU – Probably should've lost the game, but things got too weird for Les Miles to lose.
9. Texas A&M – A disappointing end to the regular season should give this young team *any* motivation for next year. None, none whatsoever.
10. Tennessee – It's always nice to see the big brother let the little brother hang around longer than he should. Good on you, Vols.
11. South Carolina – "Waaayyyyllp, we gotta let 'em win every once in a while or they'd stop playing us, yanno?"
12. Florida – And with that, Will Muschamp went out not with a Boom, but a whimper.
13. Kentucky – Pregame fights are ALWAYS a good idea when the opposing team is more talents than you at every position. I applaud your strategy, Cats.
14. Vanderbilt – IT'S OVER. OUR LONG, NATIONAL TRAGEDY HAS FINALLY REACHED AN END.
There you have it, your current SEC standings, ranked by a serious, professional journalist. Feel free to get angry at me in the comments!