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2014 Tremendous Stubble Charity Drive: The Payoff

Time to fork it over to the sick kids.

It's true, you know. Don't mess with #TremendousStubble.
It's true, you know. Don't mess with #TremendousStubble.

Yes, the Mizzou softball season ended a bit more prematurely than we all would've liked. Who gets the blame for it? Well, I'm not one to point fingers, but we know that Kansas was involved, so let's just all agree to blame Kansas.

In any case, the end of the Mizzou softball season brings with it the end of the Fourth Annual RMN Tremendous Stubble Charity Drive. And that means it's time to get our your wallets and make good on the pledges you made to the MU Children's Hospital.

Let me say that again, liberally utilizing the bold function for optimal guilt effect: it's time to make good on the pledges you made to the MU Children's Hospital.

If you forgot what you pledged, you can go back to the original post and see what you pledged. See? The Internet is a permanent record of everything you've ever done! That's truly terrifying!

Time to total up what you owe, from victories, prop bets and the like. For some of the more common prop bets, here's what happened:

2 wins
1 win over Kansas
11 strikeouts
3 homeruns

If you have a more intricate prop bet, here are the box scores from the games: Bradley, Kansas, Nebraska (1), Nebraska (2).

So, for example, my pledge was $5 for every win and $1 for every strikeout. As a result, I owe $21, which I will round up to $30 because these are sick kids, don't you have a soul?

(And that's worth noting: if you want to pledge more, nobody is stopping you. That would be pretty darn awesome, actually.)

So you've got your amount. Neat! Let's go on to the part where you give it to the kids who need it.


Once again, we'll be donating directly to the MU Children's Hospital, because they're good at accepting donations and getting you tax-deduction receipts. My wife and I just bought a house, and now we're going to itemize our deductions on our tax return. I have literally no idea what that means, but my wife tells me that we need to get a receipt, so this will be handy!

So, HERE IS THE DONATION PAGE. Click there. It'll take you to a page that looks like this:


See where it says "Please select a fund"? Click it. It's a dropdown menu! On there, you'll select "Children's Hospital". Then, enter the amount you owe in the box next to it.

But here's the most important part: be sure to put "Tremendous Stubble" in the text box for Memorial Gifts at the bottom of the page. That way, the hospital will be able to track how much money we've donated, so that we can continue to name parts of the hospital after us. Can you imagine a Tremendous Stubble Lactation Room? How hilarious would that be? OH WAIT IT ALREADY EXISTS BECAUSE PEOPLE REMEMBERED TO PUT "TREMENDOUS STUBBLE" IN THE TEXT BOX FOR MEMORIAL GIFTS AT THE BOTTOM OF THE PAGE. Silly me!

So when you're done with this page, it'll look like this.


From there, it'll take you to a page where you can put in your credit card info. It's just like buying something online, except the thing you're buying is HELPING SICK KIDS and can you really put a price on that?


You'll fill out the info, click continue, and you're done! Yay! MU Health will send you a receipt when tax season rolls around (it's, like, once every three years, right?) and that's that!

If possible, we'd like you to donate by Monday. It's not mandatory, but it'd be nice to have a decent estimate early next week. The most important thing is that you donate.

Which reminds me...


Look. What you do is your business. I'm not going to call you or e-mail you or text you or SnapChat you asking you where your donation is. If you want to welch on your pledge, chances are nobody will ever know.

But this is for sick kids. Kids. Who are sick. With illnesses. This is for them. Welching on a pledge to sick kids is like...well, I can't come up with a decent analogy because I'm so clouded with disgust by the idea of welching on a pledge to sick kids. Let's put it this way: if your mom found out you welched on a pledge to sick kids, she'd do the whole "I'm not mad, I'm disappointed" thing, and that's WAY worse than her being mad.

So buck up, buttercup. Don't disappoint kids like Jayla.

Thank you for your participation in the Fourth Annual RMN Tremendous Stubble Charity Drive. You are loved.