As many of you surely know, the University of Missouri is expanding its football field. Memorial Stadium's East Side Tower Project – which is expected to be completed this August – is the first of several additions that will be made to the venue. Even though the project isn't completely game-ready, I was allowed to take a short tour of the finished areas. The publicized additions all looked quite luxurious, but it was a few of the less well-known rooms that really piqued my interest. Allow me to walk you through these fanciful new add-ons.
The Barber Shop
Say what you will, but the #BeardsAndMullets campaign couldn't survive without regular trimming. This is the team's one-stop-shop for all their grooming needs. Looking to get your number shaved into the side of your head? Just grab a seat, son, and the professional barbers will have you clipped up in no time.
"It's all about team unity." Gary Pinkel explained. "Now we'll all be on the same page when it comes to our hair. We're projecting one singular message, and that message says: we look damn good."
The Defensive Line Pen
With the continued increase in the lethality of Mizzou's defensive lines, the need for some sort of enclosure became imperative. This state-of-the-art pen will not only give the Tigers' genetically engineered killing machines plenty of room to exercise and play, it will also ensure that no more accidents occur during feeding.
The Wine Cellar
Just below Pinkel's office sits his favorite relaxation spot. Here, he stores all of his favorite vintages from his personal vineyard, as well as some imports that he's been keen on trying. Hung along the walls are pictures of his favorite moments during his time in Columbia. He illustrates the practicality of the cellar:
"Sometimes, when I'm real hung-up on a game-plan or a script or something, I just head down there to clear my head. It really helps me get my mind right."
The Max Copeland Memorial Tunnel
The players voted to name the new locker room tunnel after recently graduated offensive lineman Max Copeland. The dimensions of the entrance to the field haven't changed, but the walls have been lined with copious amounts of speakers and amps; all of them programmed to play one song and one song only: Ace of Spades by Motӧrhead.
The Celebration Dance Studio
Did you think that iconic moves like Michael Sam's sack dance or Henry Josey's touchdown dive were just spur-of-the-moment bundles of movements? No, they – much like a well-developed swim move or a perfect throwing motion – were coordinated, choreographed performances tempered by many hours of intense training. This new studio will provide players with a practice space better than any other in the country. The Tigers' moves will be unparalleled.
The attention to detail that I witnessed in each one of these additions was staggering. Going into the tour, I expected to be mildly impressed, but I walked away in awe. Only just now was I able to finally shut my mouth, which had remained agape for nearly 22 hours. This expansion will ensure that Memorial Stadium' amenities are some of the best in the nation for years to come.