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SEC Power Poll: The Return of the East

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At the conference HQ, Team Speed Kills, we've been power-ranking the SEC. Here's this week's ballot.

David Manning-USA TODAY Sports

Ladies and gentlemen, it's been a pleasure hating with you. College football is nearly over, and I plan on going down with the ship. Today, I'll do so by posting the final SEC Power Poll of the year. Bowl season wasn't very kind to many of my highly ranked teams, which allowed the SEC East to make a stunning comeback just before the final bell. So, without further ado, I give you the last definitive ranking of this season's SEC teams.

1. Alabama – YOU HAD ONE JOB.

2. Georgia – Georgia's bowl win and Mizzou's bowl win were basically the same, except for the fact that the Dawgs' opponent was a good amount better than the Tigers'. Advantage: UGA.

3. Missouri – Three years after moving into their new digs, the Tigers have been to two SEC Championship Games, produced two SEC Defensive Players of the Year, and thwomped a B1G team in a January bowl game. Soon, Columbia will be filled to the brim with southern friend chicken franchises, country bars, and bag men. (publicly, CoMo has already checked off two of the three)

4. Mississippi State – Clanga lost to a team wearing the same damn uniforms that my high school football team wore when we played in our late-summer 7-on-7 tournaments. Like, not even our good uniforms. The crappy ones that they shilled out for us to wear so we didn't mess up the good ones before the actual season started.

5. Ole Miss – Yes, horned frogs are known to spit blood out of their eyes, but 100 percent of the blood on the ground last Wednesday belonged to the Rebels.

6. Arkansas – One day, Bert is going to throw too much shade and lose himself forever to the shadows. Until then, I implore all of you to sit back and enjoy the ride.

7. Auburn – Losing on a doink isn't very fun, is it? IS IT!?

8. LSU – STOP THE BLEEDING. YOU ALREADY LOST A BOWL AND A DEFENSIVE COORDINATOR, YOU CAN'T SURVIVE MUCH MORE.

9. Texas A&M – Mountaineers, though hardy and solid survivalists, just can't keep up with a group of Texans in a shootout.

10. Tennessee – Might as well hand 'em the 2015 SEC East trophy, y'all.

11. South Carolina – GOLF SEASON BACK.

12. Florida – Solid win and things are looking up and everything but THAT RUNNING BACK STILL POOPED HIS PANTS.

13. Kentucky – [basketball emojis]

14. Vanderbilt – Be free, children. Go, and be free. Cast asunder the shackles of the 2014 season, it cannot hurt you any longer.

There you have it, your current SEC standings, ranked by a serious, professional journalist. Feel free to get angry at me in the comments!