Week 7 is in the books and it looked like things were going according to plan when all out of nowhere Memphis came in and decided that they wanted to be this year's Indiana. So congrats Ole Miss, you guys are this year's Mizzou just without the ability to actually you know, win your division. But thanks for that, it's always good to expose a mirage for what it is. How on earth did you guys beat Bama?!
Anyway! This week it appears that everyone is on a bye and we've still got a nice game against some school that's in an SEC state but not so SEC. Let's get right to it and see where we have things shaking out.
Big thanks to Spurrier for stopping by last week, we appreciate your comments on the games, but this week it's back to actually ranking these things.
To the records!
|Overall Record to Date
Well it doesn't appear that we're going to be separating anytime soon, but our overall record is quite good, so you know, hand us our proppers.
To the games!
|Auburn at Arkansas
|SEC Network / WatchESPN
At the start of the year I bet a lot of people thought this would be a big game with large ramifications. Well now it's late October and the only thing people are wondering is why do I have to get up early to watch this. If this were a book it would best be described as dross! But someone has to win because finishing 5th in the SEC West is something to strive for. Go strong and get that slightly better below .500 mantle and wear it proudly, because this is the SEC and finishing 5th in the SEC West is the equivalent of winning the ACC by a million games, just ask the coaches!
Scale of Watchability: Sulu, let's set the big board to SEC Defcon 4. Why 4 and not 5, well you don't have another SEC option and seeing what Bert does to get himself into trouble this week is worth watching half while you contemplate how the rest of your afternoon goes. Seriously, you're a coach, act like it.
kristina: Auburn, if nothing else than for my dislike of Bielema. Where's the instigation penalty from the other week, huh? Make 'em bleed, super fan.
Chris: I'm taking Auburn all day long, I'm big on the Tigers of Auburn. BIG! Halloween is coming up and if you want a sexy costume that's versatile enough to allow you to wear on separate nights but be different, would be Sexy Bert Bielema/Sexy Kool Aid Man, all you need is a headset for Bert, and a smile for the Kool Aid Man.
|Teneesee at #8 Alabama
|CBS / CBS Video
So the "third Saturday" in October apparently, literally, isn't accurate this year, math is hard, but we SEC! (To be fair, it hasn't been played on that day all that often in recent history, but who cares about facts?) Last time the Volunteers won, they were actually ranked. Remember those good ole' days, Tenn fans? Yeah, neither do we, as we pay no attention to your silly little team, just like your guy ignored our basketball team.
Scale of Watchability: We'll set this one at a three, given all the even worse options out there. It's early, go play outside or something, lest it's actually raining, 'cause that hasn't happened in how long? Maybe Tenn hangs around, but coming off an impressive win at A&M, 'Bama's on a roll. (Get it? Yes, this is why we're not paid)
kristina: Oh, look it, 'Bama's defense just scored another pick-six. If only we could have managed one of those (sobs.....) Still saying Saban's birthday on Halloween is no coincidence. Things get weird this time of year. Avoid black cats or something like that. (That's racist!) Wonder what (who?) Saban dressed up for Halloween as a child. Kids have it too easy these days, I don't recall the girls ever coming home with handfuls of Bit-O-Honeys. And most people don't have to tell a joke to get candy? WEAK.
Chris: Well Alabama went and got itself into Alabama with the quickness didn't it? I think Saban tanked the Ole Miss game on purpose just to shove it in the playoff committee's face but in Hugh Freeze's as well. This is all a big joke and he's just having a good time. Tennessee will lose but fear not, there's progress there, somewhere, oh hell, take Bama and enjoy the route.
|Missouri at Vanderbilt
|SEC Network / WatchESPN
Good lord. Missouri and Vanderbilt, welcome to the ugliest game of the 2015 calendar. At this point, the Mizzou-UConn game was the passed hors d'ouevre, Mizzou-Georgia was the appetizer, and this game is the entree. Mizzou-Vandy is going to re-write the SEC record books for ugliest game of all time. First to a field goal wins! The tagline for Alien vs. Predator is appropriate in this case, "Whoever Wins, We Lose."
Scale of Watchability: SEC Defcon 5, and it's not even close. This is the equivalent of a split squad game in spring training. Sure there are guys that will eventually do something, but there are lots of guys that you won't ever see again. Luckily this game is in Nashville, so you've got options. Don't watch this game, unless you're trapped in front of the TV and being held hostage for ransom and your eyes are being held open against your will.
kristina: Tigers. Double-digit scoring please, defense. (I mean, that's who's going to pull it off, right?) Drink if someone misses a field goal or anytime we manage yardage on the first down. Your liquor cabinet may be pretty safe on the latter. I want Brothers to flatten someone while on punt-return coverage. This game can't be uglier than last week's, it just can't.
Chris: I mean, I guess someone has to win and both these teams on offense are putrid. Take Mizzou and I hope the score is 4 - 3. Mizzou gets two safeties and Vandy kicks a 66 yard field goal that bounces off each upright and the crossbar before falling over and good.
|#15 Texas A&M at #24 Ole Miss
|ESPN / WatchESPN
A "must win" for both teams. Sports hot take! Participation ribbons for everyone! The only "both teams ranked" matchup for the SEC this week. Nkemdiche's status is still unknown, aka "going through concussion protocol" but don't ask Pete Rose about that or anything. Apparently thunderstorms may be in the forecast, good, not like weather has messed up any games this year so far or anything. Edge to Ole Miss starting a three game home streak.
Scale of Watchability: Set this one at Defcon 2, we have a fairly relevant game finally! One team gets to avenge a loss, the other, well......sorry guys, thanks for playing this year, you're out of contention according to bleacher report, and it wasn't even a slideshow! (Join us, it can be a fun place, with booze! Do they even try to mix the sweet tea down there? That might help it.)
kristina: Ole Miss, we can't just be so agreeable all the damn time, right? Though I shouldn't after watching Memphis last weekend. See what happens when you spend all day watching college football, it really doesn't pay off.
Chris: Ole Miss, you are a mystery aren't you? I'm watching you to see where and when the wheels fall off in this game and the crazy comes out. Take the Aggies and if the rumors are true, you may see the Bowtie back in College Station to welcome you home after your victory.
|Western Kentucky at #5 LSU
|ESPNU / WatchESPN
Well, here we are again. The game on the schedule where some random shows up to the party with no beer, booze or wine in hand and just sits on the couch, gets berated a bit and then quietly heads up to a room (as everyone at the party knows they would) and takes the money left on the dresser for them. They exit through the backdoor so as not to disturb the party goers and then head down the street to prep to head to the party back in their neighborhood next week.
Scale of Watchability: We're looking at SEC Defcon 4. Why not higher? Well you've got the mess that is A&M and Ole Miss at the same time so your decision is clear. Watch that game and follow what Leonard Fournette is doing on an app or the stream under the screen. Let's all hope he doesn't get hurt, collects his Heisman and then takes the year off next year.
kristina: This is a joke, right? LSU. And yet gets a prime time spot. If North Texas averages 5.8 yards a carry against WKU.........well.... (is afraid to look up our average yards per carry) It's got to at least be positive, right? (Right?!?!)
Chris: BO-RING! There are certain truths in this world and LSU winning at night at home is one of them, the others have to do with death, taxes and a-hole tourists ruining the metro in DC. Run wild all over the hilltoppers Leonard, we're all counting on you. Also, you look old like Greg Oden.
|Kentucky at Mississippi State
|SEC Network / WatchESPN
So somehow Kentucky is still in the "winning the East" talk? That's our role, damnit! Bulldog's Prescott still has yet to be picked off. Offense sounds so dreamy right about now. Mississippi State released its blackout video ahead of the contest, guessing our Dirk wouldn't be a fan. Another week, another home game for State, and another team preparing by blaring cowbells all week long. A no-win situation for anyone involved.
Scale of Watchability: MIddle of the road here so let's set things for Defcon 3, could be close, but it's later in the day and better options hopefully exist. (Like horror movies, they have to start at some point this month, and no, we're not talking about the one on TBS last night)
kristina: Bulldogs. A home game, they have the odds, just don't see Kentucky pulling it off. Plus, quicker they lose, the happier fans can move onto their real sports season. Plus, if we can't have nice things, why should they? Nobody loves our basketball team. Rosburg still dunked on y'all, just remember.
Chris: SEC basketball media day was yesterday, so Kentucky fans have already turned the page to basketball season. Do you sense the winter in the air, the high pitched screaming of Ashley Judd is just around the corner Big Blue Nation. Dak is going to just push you further into roundball season. Don't be upset, it's what you want, you know it, we know it, and don't worry, Dak knows it too.
|Auburn, Alabama, Missouri, Ole Miss, LSU, Mississippi State
|Arkansas, Tennessee, Vanderbilt, A&M, Kentucky
|Auburn, Alabama, Missouri, Texas A&M, LSU, Mississippi State
|Arkansas, Tennessee, Vanderbilt, Ole Miss, Kentucky
That'll do it for this week, how much do you love our graphic? You better love it a lot! Enjoy the games internet people!