Mizzou is bad. So bad, that they've plummeted to the bottom of my power rankings. Sure, they've beaten a team ranked higher than them, but South Carolina has scored more touchdowns than Missouri has in the past two weeks and they had a bye. We should all feel bad.
1. LSU Tigers - At this point, teams should start letting the Tigers get out to a big early lead. Les Miles and company wouldn't know what to do up twenty at the half, they're used to putting the hurt on fools in the third and fourth quarters.
2. Alabama Crimson Tide - Even grizzly bears get tired sometimes. The Tide were more than content to sit on Tennessee and let the air drain from their body while they snacked on some delicious wild berries. They even have a bye week this weekend to recover from the inevitable intestinal complications stemming from said berries.
3. Ole Miss Rebels - There's that defense! It's too bad they left it at the bar after celebrating their victory over Alabama, the Rebs could have really had some fun in Atlanta.
4. Mississippi St. Bulldogs - Low key, I think MSU might be the third-best team in the West. They didn't have as big of a win as Ole Miss did this weekend, but I'm still picking the Bulldogs in the Egg Bowl. I want to dress up as Dak Prescott for Halloween and terrify opposing defenses.
5. Florida Gators - The only thing standing between UF and a trip to Atlanta is a spooky cocktail party and you know damn well that Floridians can handle any nefarious goings on at an outdoor drinking event.
6. Texas A&M Aggies - Two-straight losses isn't great, but the Aggies have a hell of a pick-me-up stretch with South Carolina, Auburn, Western Carolina, and Vanderbilt all lined up in a row. The first three games are even at home! That'll cure a hangover right up, folks.
7. Tennessee Volunteers - Moral victories and crootin', that's what UT does.
8. Georgia Bulldogs - The Bulldogs will be expected to lose this Saturday, which means they have a real solid shot at winning the game. Georgia football: forever going against expectations both good and bad.
9. Arkansas Razorbacks - BRET BIELEMA WON A MARATHON. END OF DAYS.
10. Auburn Tigers - Y'ALL LOST A MARATHON TO BRET BIELEMA, YOU NEED TO FOLD YOUR PROGRAM RIGHT NOW.
11. Kentucky Wildcats - Don't feel too bad, UK fans. When Dak is on a heater, there aren't many people on this green Earth who can slow him down.
12. South Carolina Gamecocks - Power rankings wise, this may have been the most productive bye that any team has had this season. The Gamecocks can thank both Vanderbilt and Missouri for that.
13. Vanderbilt Commodores - Out-Missouri'd Missouri. I know that may not seem like a compliment this year, but it is. I promise.
14. Missouri Tigers - [intentionally left blank as an artistic representation of Mizzou's offensive production]