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The Lazy Fan's Guide to Week 6

It's week 6 in the SEC and it's time to pick some winners, now with more Lenny F.

Derick E. Hingle-USA TODAY Sports

Well last week got  a little weird in the SEC, did it not? Two weeks ago 'Bama was beaten by Ole Miss and they were the talk of the conference. Crazy ass Chad Kelly was going to lead a renaissance not seen since the day of fan favorite Dr. Bo...then they went to Florida and got spanked. No idea how that happened. Then Bama was going into Athens to get beat by UGA who was ready to make a statement that this was their year...and they went full Georgia on it and lost, and boy did they. Mark Richt, people want you fired now. Finally, Kentucky and Vandy tried their hardest to lose to directional colleges and I have no idea what's happening anymore.

What's this week got in store? Well we've got no top 25 matchups, we've still got a "Troy" and "New Mexico State" in there, and some games that could be quite brutal for some teams. It's a week I've dubbed, "Maybe you should watch Playoff Baseball instead Week!" (If you don't have a team, trust us, we can recommend one or two.)

To the records!

Picker Correct Picks Less Correct Picks Overall Record to Date
kristina 7 5 50-12
Chris 6 6 50-12

And we're all tied up, we also didn't do so hot in general. Vandy, you were the difference this week, damn if I don't find a new reason to get mad at you. Horrible court, fans that don't understand personal space, too much live music, the list goes on and on!

To the games!

New Mexico at #14 Ole Miss 11:00 am SEC Network / WatchESPN

New Mexico State has not won a game, and when they have gone on the road they have been spanked silly.  Spanked so hard that their screams become unintelligble and their mouths sit agape as they just hope for the beatings to end. Well, expect more of that! Ole Miss is going to come out pissed and ready to put the hurt on you Aggies, but fear not, your mascot has a jaunty neckerchief, so at least you'll look good while getting curbstomped by crazy ass Chad Kelly.

Scale of Watchability: Let's grab the lever and set this thing to SEC Defcon 5. BOOOOOOOOOOOORING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This game will make you change the channel faster than King of Queens, or Everybody Loves Raymond marathon. In fact if those are your options or this game, grab a book and read...literally anything.

kristina: Shaking my head at you, Ole Miss, you had one job! Cream Florida so we Mizzou fans would have more faith in a victory come Saturday evening. But you failed us. Clearly this is some form of satire we still don't understand. Rebels win.

Chris: Ole Miss will win this game and everyone in the grove is going to be morning drunk. Burping up mimosas made with Korbel or LaMarca, embarrassing themselves while they act classy but drink garbage. And if you do put some good champagne in a glass with orange juice, you should go to jail. Take the Rebel Black Bear Ackbars and hope no one subjects you to this nightmare.

#7 LSU at South Carolina (Baton Rouge, LA) TBD ESPN / WatchESPN

Well, of course, the big story in the "life trumps sports" category going into this one is that the game was moved to Baton Rouge instead of Columbia East due to the flooding. Props to LSU, their band will learn & play SC's fight song and alma mater, as SC's pep band couldn't make the trip. LSU let the EMUs (Emu? Wonder if that tastes like ostrich?) hang around just a bit last weekend, they need to really step up the "clone Fournette" project. At least he's got the facial hair he's been wanting. LSU will go with their purple uniforms, as SC had this as a "white out" game already.

Scale of Watchability: We'll go SEC DEFCON 3 here. Most likely, LSU has their way and Fournette gets another 200+ yard game, but never underestimate Spurrier and his tricks. Earlier start helps, pop open/twist off/ uncork that first drink and enjoy.

kristina: LSU. The at-"home" Fournette show can't lose, then again, the away version seems to be running (get it?!) just fine. Mother Nature's reminder she doesn't care! SEC weather drama continues. Maybe snow might stop Fournette? Oooh, yes, I want to see a SEC snow game.

Chris: This is bogus. The game is unplayable in South Carolina due to the flooding and apparently the only other venue available to them was surprisingly in Tigers Stadium on the campus of LSU. It's complete bs and the fact that they can't just re-schedule or find a neutral site just pisses me off. LSU will win on the road at home and Lenny Fournette runs wild all over them. Because of this I will be actively rooting for you to lose've been Chris cursed, which is now a thing.

#19 Georgia at Tennessee 2:30 PM CBS / CBS Video guys planning to beat anyone that plays in a Power 5 conference anytime soon? Man, you had Arkansas coming to town and you couldn't do it. They look more lost than John Locke after he dug up the hatch. But hey the stars, they shine oh so bright. On the other side of the ball you have Georgia who went out and just went inept against Bama last week in a rainstorm. Someone has to win this game and give their fans a reason to believe a beating in Atlanta in December is possible, but who will it be?

Scale of Watchability:  Let's set this to SEC Defcon 2. Why so high? Well you've got two teams that need to win, Butch Jones and Mark Richt making confused faces all game long and a desire to believe something good is going to happen for Tennessee fans that could cause some sort of volcanic eruption of weird right before your eyes.

kristina: Bulldogs, so Uga can be happy in his little doghouse once again. Can we have a tiger now, please?! Whoever doesn't screw up the most wins. Be nice to your players, Butch Jones! (The internet is no place for rumors!) Hmm, maybe a come from behind win for Georgia, if we must have voluntears, it should at least be dramatic.

Chris: Mark Richt is the poor man's Gary Pinkel. That's right I said it. Deal with it. He looks kind of like him, interviewed for the same job, about the same results. If Gary Pinkel coached Georgia, with that instate talent, plus hi system (the Don James system), man Georgia would be scurrrrrrrrrrrrry. But they don't. Still, I like the Dogs to get better by beating up the Vols and Butch Jones continues to have a record worse than Dooley.

Troy at Mississippi State 3:00 PM SEC Network / WatchESPN

Bulldogs ran into the injury bug last weekend as a handful of players went down. (We feel your pain!) All were questionable at last check minus their senior safety Market, who is out for the remainder of his college career with a torn ACL. Seven fumbles already, you guys? Run and hold the dang ball! Vegas and friends don't give the Trojans much chance with a thirty plus spread. Maybe a win's a long shot, but you guys can at least cover that.

Scale of Watchability: SEC DEFCON 4. Still a little early in the day, do the injuries bog down State for just a bit, but yeah, it's not going to be very close. CLANGA CLANGA CLANGA. (You might want to mute this one)

kristina: Bulldogs, feel lucky as you let me down last weekend! Rayne Dakota.....again, if football doesn't pan out, I'm sure soap opera actors earn a nice little chunk of change. T-roy is Troy's  mascot? Negative creativity points on that one.

Chris: Troy beat Missouri and ruined a Thursday night for many of us years ago, stupid, annoying DeMarcus Ware. But DeMarcus isn't walking through that door, no sir. DeMarcus translated from French would mean "Of Marcus", so look you learned something today. Take State as Dak goes all Dak all over the Trojans who probably need a little more protection...heyo!!! Thanks I'll be here all week, tip your waitress on the way out.

Arkansas at #8 Alabama 6:00 PM ESPN / WatchESPN

Look at Arkansas now! They went on the road and they won at Tennessee! How about that? It's your time Hogs, the pigs are coming home to roost! Bama meanwhile is coming off a beating of Georgia on the road in the rain and Nick Saban does not like getting wet. He just looks all mad and his lips are all pursed. Dude, if it's raining, get a jacket and a hat, no need to be a hero. Can the devil get a cold? I wonder...

Scale of Watchability: Let's set the big board to SEC Defcon 3. I'm thinking a strong three because it's very likely Arkansas goes back to being all Arkansas and gets a good whooping and really, you could be out watching The Martian, or watching playoff baseball instead.

kristina: Bama. If they can do that to Georgia, this shouldn't be too much trouble. But Saban's birthday is on Halloween, he's got to be a little crazy.

Chris: Bama is gonna whoop that ass, pig sooie! WOOOOOOOOOO! Take the team not coached by the Kool Aid man and thank me in the morning. Haven't had Kool Aid either, I bet it would make me quite jittery and kind of unpleasant to be around...BAMA.

#11 Florida at Missouri 6:30 PM SEC Network / WatchESPN

It's the 104th homecoming! It's Locktober! What else could you want, but a win, of course. Nothing like beating the crud out of Ole Miss to have the Gators feeling pretty good coming into this one. With LSU looming next week, this screams "trap game!!" so let's spoil their party. Georgia screwed up already, it's time we tick everyone off and once again enter into the "who can win the East" talk. Lock throws a huge pass downfield since no one seems to be expecting that. Silly fools, the whole lot of them.

Scale of Watchability: SEC DEFCON 2. Yes, we're biased, here, but Lock's starting, come on now! You've had all afternoon to tailgate, time to focus and root for an upset. Tigers love gator meat, right? Drink anytime our elite defense sacks Grier. Think it's time we had a defensive score, mark that one on your bingo card.

kristina: I know it's risky, but I don't care. Tigers. We need an updated "Columbia Gator Chomp" gif as it is. That's not nice to do, right? We do well in homecoming games, that helps, right? Return the opening kickoff please, Hilton, thank you.

Chris: Florida is back and they are for real! They are going to crush Drew Lock at what I may have said if I didn't love Mizzou and know that the Tigers like to come out and get really weird in night games. We're gonna return the opening kick for a touchdown, it's gonna happen, just like it did back in '10.

Pickers SEC Winners SEC Losers
kristina LSU, Ole Miss, Georgia, Mississippi State, Alabama, Mizzou Tennessee, Arkansas, Florida
Chris LSU, Ole Miss, Georgia, Mississippi State, Alabama, Mizzou Tennessee, Arkansas, Florida

We're quite boring and agreeable this week, it seems, and that will do it for our intense and fantastic preview of week 6, get out there watch some football and enjoy the games everyone!