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The Lazy Fan's Guide to Week 11

After what was a good week in the SEC we're back for another random nonconference Saturday!

Well there it was, all served up and ready for massive viewership and what Alabama vs LSU gave us was...MEH. I mean, seriously.  We were supposed to have this amazing battle between Fournette and Henry and all we got was a tug of war of BORING.

Now I may be in the minority of this thinking, but I demand to be entertained from the top two teams in the SEC with the two best teams, but you can't do that for me SEC West, for shame!
Let's all work on that for next year mmmmkay? 'Cause we all know the game Florida is going to give 'Bama the first weekend of December is going to be nothing to get excited about.

But what do we have this week, well we've got a good looking game, some ok games, and then a slew of SEC schools playing directional colleges in the dead of November. If you all want to continue to do this, follow Mizzou's lead and schedule a Power 5 conference school we've all heard of more than anecdotally.

To the records!

Picker Correct Picks Incorrect Picks Overall Record to Date
kristina 8 6 88-33
Chris 6 8 81-40

Well I've clearly lost the plot here and am just getting by on fumes. Someone stick a fork in me and be done with it, just end my misery. Put your money on kristina and by money I mean all the money, houses, cars, memorabilia all that. If you want it to be a happy holiday season chez vous, follow the wine.

Yes, send me all your monies! Stupid Arky, ruining everything. I'm going to have to start literally tweeting all my thoughts, as SO can verify (not that he cares, I mean, Yankees fans watching SEC football?) I said before the crazy play "somehow they're going to pull this off, and it's going to be insanely depressing" as, for our few but loyal readers, I'm not a Bielema fan. Then again, not a fan of most things lately. I blame the time change, it's just depressing.

To the games!

Georgia vs Auburn 11:00 AM CBS / CBS Video

At some point in our recent past this game would have got you moving in a direction towards a bar or a couch or anywhere with a TV, or I suppose radio if you're a radio enthusiast...but it's 2015 and Georgia is running through quarterbacks faster than Ben Carson is running through no doze, oh jokes...Anyway, Georgia is coming off a beating and is now on Mark Richt firing watch. Will he make it through the season? Will some rogue booster just lose it and ask their version of Gary Link to take care of this mid game? Will Mark Fox be taking over?

Scale of Watchability: We'll stick this one at Defcon 3 and that's only because of the other heaping pile of garbage games that surround this one in the SEC. I mean, something could happen, it's morning in Auburn and you never know, but there's no harm in working on that Thanksgiving center piece early.

kristina: Bulldogs. (Well, ex-HHKB and I just aren't going to agree much at all this week it would seem. I'm so trashing my record this week.) Who serves (room temperature white) boxed wine at a wedding?  SMDH. I'll hope Chris finds better booze options at his. Just start drinking after your toast. Then again, drunken toasts can have a slight edge for the entertainment factor. Ah, kids these days have it too easy. The best toast I've heard was nearly a decade ago, long before the smartphone era so it was lost / never to be recorded. A shame.

Chris: I have a wedding this Saturday and thank god for that, that I have responsibilities during this match up. But a winner must be selected and that winner is Auburn. The spiral of despair that is Georgia football continues to spin and little Uga barfs up lunch on the war eagle and we all get a good laugh.

#11 Florida vs South Carolina 11:00 AM ESPN / WatchESPN

After barely beating Vandy, Florida heads to this one with the East all nice and clinched up. Fine. Wonderful. Spurrier, who is the all-time victories leader at both schools, won't be there, hell, if I were retired, I'd be at a golf course or something, why not? If anyone would like to fund my early retirement to test this theory out, I'd be fine with that. "The Gators have been winning with defense as the offense hasn't been very consistent...." hey, just like us! Um, minus that "winning" word tossed in there. Details, details...

Scale of Watchability: Let's just set this one at Defcon 4. I'd say five, but we're in a forgiving mood right now. Find some champagne / a bloody mary, whatever beer you left out on the coffee table from last night and have at it if you have nothing else going on. But really, try to find something else first. Take up knitting maybe? You can get away with curse words when they're in a nice little cross-stitch pattern, right?

kristina: As per usual, we even beat SC, so Gators. I do appreciate the "attempt to lose to Vandy" to continue the "how the hell did they win the East?" narrative. Thanks. Don't care, we'll always have the Memorial Stadium gator chomp. Memories........

Chris: FLORIDA IS BACK!!!! They won the SEC east, and that my friends is something that was going to happen to someone either by hook or by crook this year. Florida will win this game though after how they played against Vandy they should be ashamed of themselves. You better hope your QBs find some new fancy undetectable version of PEDs or the Gators are as boned as the rest of the East. Quick, someone get Dr. Ferrari on the phone, Treon is in need!

North Texas vs Tennessee 11:00 AM SEC Network / WatchESPN

I mean, at least this game is happening before many people are coming out of their booze induced Friday night coma. Because this my friends is an abomination. I just feel bad for Vols fans that have to find a reason to drag themselves to this game. They just barely got by South Carolina last week and now they have to get up early to watch them take on a directional school from Texas. You poor orange clad people.

Scale of Watchability: I'm gonna punch in Defcon 5. This is not worth watching, not even a little. This is what you should do instead, watch Colorado State at Northern Iowa in basketball on ESPN3, you'll thank me later.

kristina: Tennessee. Can we somehow manage a trade with them? Here, play BYU, thanks. Yeah, "orange clad" unless it's like the most "wear orange" holiday on the damn calendar. Oh, look it, we have a game on Christmas? Fuchsia it is! Or maybe heliotrope.

Chris: Oh take Tennessee because if they don't win I imagine that the world will flip on it's axis and we have bigger problems to deal with. FREE TONY MITCHELL!!!!!!

#2 Alabama vs #17 Mississippi State 2:30 PM CBS / CBS Video

After taking down LSU, 'Bama heads to Starkville, so bring the earplugs, kids, 'cause too much cowbell. Never mind who State played last week. Prescott's worst stat line last year was against the Tide, so while some say this is an upset waiting to happen, maybe not so fast. Payback right, keep it close in the first half, and then 'Bama takes things and runs with it (literally?) to blow up the second.

Scale of Watchability: Defcon 2, only because there's not much else all that watchable on the SEC slate this week, and we can't set every game at a three or a four. (Yes, it's our post, we make the rules! Um, until Bill tells us "no", or something like that.) Anarchy, buy all the Adidas!

kristina: 'Bama. I mean, we hung with the Bulldogs for a half, right? That was so much fun!!!.... until it wasn't. Hey, how most nights that involve tequila end up going, right? 'Bama didn't let me down last week so I have to stick with them.

Chris: Well what do we have here? A game that on paper looks quite enjoyable! #2 versus #17, I mean, what could go wrong? Glad you asked! State is overrated based on a weak schedule and has yet to really beat anyone so they're moving up the polls almost by accident. Alabama is going to ruin Dak's day and that upsets me, I like Dak!

Kentucky vs Vanderbilt 3:00 PM SEC Network / WatchESPN

This game matters people, because Kentucky is close to qualifying for a bowl game, and can you imagine the raise Stoops will get if he gets his team to a bowl game? I mean the man has been given raises for recruiting classes and two win and five win seasons, can you imagine if he gets the team to six?! They may have to drop a non revenue sport altogether to pay for this. I would mock Vandy but their defense is terrifying. If Mizzou, Vandy and Florida didn't have to field an offense, they would be top 5 in the nation.

Scale of Watchability: Defcon 4, and punch it! Listen, if there was no Bama vs State game going on, I would push this to a 3 because there's something kind of fun about watching these two teams barf their way offensively around the field, but there is that game, so 4 it is. Watch the Bama game, do yourself that favor.

kristina: Kentucky, which is a horrible idea given Vandy ran with Florida, but I just give up on trying to make any sense of this season for anybody. Or I'm just that upset we're not qualifying and/or not really anywhere close to qualifying for a bowl game, life's not fair, eh? (No, life is pain, can someone please make JST at least watch the damn movie? We'll provide kale chips as an in-movie snack, I promise!)

Chris: F it, I'm going Vandy! Their defense is good and if they continue to employ the strategy of getting penaltied to the goal line and then falling into the endzone by accident, I'm ok with it. I like it, it's prosaic and forward thinking. Let's all get weird in Nashville!

Western Carolina vs Texas A&M 6:00 PM ESPNU/ WatchESPN

Well, what appears to be a no-contest, but hey, at this point, let's have some fun and root for the Catamounts, right? Never mind their record against FBS schools, okay? (For those of you not paying attention, so like, 98% or such, they've never won a game versus) Aggies not doing so well, having averaged sixteen points in their last few games, oh, cry us a river. And, as usual, SEC QB drama continues, who knows who's starting for the Aggies in this one.

Scale of Watchability: Yawn, Defcon 5. This late in the day, nothing to see here, folks. We'd all love an upset at this point just for fun, but this one shouldn't be close. You should be tailgating and/or getting your booze and snackings ready for our game by this time anyway.

kristina: Aggies. But let's make this one close so their fanbase starts to panic just for the hell of it. SEC unrest! (zombies?) Halloween was over far too quickly this year. Thank you Nordstrom's for not putting out Christmas stuff until after Thanksgiving, that's all I have to say.

Chris: Oh A&M what ever are you doing? Have you all moved over to basketball already? You have? Goooooooood! Embrace the Caruso side of the Force.  Seriously though, this game is not awesome, take the Aggies and hope you're not around an A&M fan that wants to talk to you about it.

Arkansas vs #9 LSU 6:15 PM ESPN / WatchESPN

Last year when this game went down, Arkansas won 17-0 and then the bandwagon started! Arkansas was a threat to win the West (sounds familiar to Tennessee fans I imagine) and 2015 was going to be the dawn of a new era. Well that era looks mostly the same to me. Last week Arkansas somehow fell ass backwards into a win over Ole Miss on a ridiculous play that allowed them to win. It was something to see. But Leonard Fournette is now playing you Hogs and he's got to be pissed after last week, so be careful...

Scale of Watchability: Defcon 3 please and thank you. There's nothing altogether too sexy about this game, so I would say if you've got nothing else really going on, then watch it. Give it a shot, that or the Mizzou game where the uniforms will be far better.

kristina: LSU. No more crazy-ass fourth down plays please. Who did Bielema sell his soul to for that one? That was crazy, and so painful to watch. You know, like Godfather 3. Or that prequel/s that never happened...

Chris: LSU is gonna come out pissed. This game is at night in Death Valley and with those words Arky you have no shot. This is a game you will lose. Sorry to be so harsh, but, you're done.

BYU vs Mizzou (in Kansas City) 6:30 PM SEC Network / WatchESPN

Well, let's wrap up what's been an insane week with the "now back on schedule as planned" match-up in good ole' "knows a thing or two about barbecue" Kansas City. Win or lose, sounds like enough of our RMN contingent will be either at the game or nearby, so we should have lots of fun "possibly involving crockpots" stories come Monday morning.

Scale of Watchability: We'll go Defcon 3 this one, as hey, it's Mizzou, team should be fired up a bit, and who knows. If nothing else, watch it for the uniforms, win or lose, go out in style. I mean, win two out of the next three is all we have to do, right?

kristina: I'm nothing if not consistent, tigers. If I have to take a loss on a pick, might as well be this one. It's been a long week. we deserve a win, right? Or free booze if we lose.

Chris: Holy sh*t I love the Mizzou uniforms for this game. They are spectacular! The game is in Kansas City so you should go watch this game with BST outside the stadium and then when BYU wins (booo me) you can drown your sorrows in some rich, rich gravy. But those uniforms, damn hot!

With all that said, here's the Tl;DR version of our picks for you, the individual with a short attention span but a penchant for gambling!

Picker SEC Winners SEC Losers
kristina Georgia, Florida, Tennessee, Alabama, Kentucky, Texas A&M, LSU, Mizzou Auburn, South Carolina, Mississippi State, Vanderbilt,  Arkansas,
Chris Auburn, Florida, Tennessee, Alabama, Vanderbilt, Texas A&M, LSU Georgia, South Carolina, Mississippi State, Kentucky,  Arkansas, Mizzou

Thanks for checking in and happy football!