We've done it.
We have achieved maximum Bert, friends.
For the second straight year, Arkansas is making a late-season push up the rankings. It makes sense. Bielema gorged himself early on, and things got sloppy. But now it's time for dessert, and that's when Bert really shines. Consider yourselves lucky if you played the Hogs pre-dessert.
1. Alabama Crimson Tide - The Tide aren't even being fair anymore. They suffocate you and punch you in the face at the same time. They don't even bother making their games watchable, that would be too inefficient.
3. Arkansas Razorbacks - Bert has on his strechy pants and he's ready for dessert. He's invincible. You can't touch him. Put the Hogs in the playoff, they'll win the whole damn thing.
4. LSU Tigers - Had the unfortunate pleasure of catching Bert on a heater while still recovering from the 500 lb. gorilla that is Alabama tossing them around its enclosure the week prior. Very, very few teams in the nation are capable of succeeding in those conditions.
5. Mississippi St. Bulldogs - Don't worry, Bulldogs. LSU handled the Alabama-to-Arkansas one-two punch real well. You'll be just fine next week. No worries.
6. Ole Miss Rebels - Watching MSU get stomped by Alabama is going to make Ole Miss' eventual Egg Bowl loss easier to swallow. "Yeah, well y'all ain't beat Bama this year did ya!?"
7. Tennessee Volunteers - The young defense is starting to come together at the right time. That, or North Texas isn't very good. Depends on your perspective, I suppose.
8. Georgia Bulldogs - UGA went from exciting to unwatchable in roughly four weeks. The 9-6 win over Mizzou kicked it off, and the entertainment factor has been slowly declining every since.
9. Auburn Tigers - Wait, a late-game special teams return was the deciding factor in an Auburn game? A game that Auburn LOST? Are we sure that's allowed?
10. Texas A&M Aggies - Western Carolina was a much-needed slump-breaker for the Aggies. They'll need things to be back on track, too. Lose to Vandy and things are going to get U-G-L-Y in College Station.
11. Vanderbilt Commodores - If Vandy is going to be able to put up 20 points now, A&M and Tennessee should be very worried.
12. Kentucky Wildcats - Just couldn't find a way to slow down the offensive powerhouse that is Vanderbilt football.
13. Missouri Tigers - It took an emotional charge that no one should have to provide, but the team rallied behind Gary Pinkel and finally showed some signs of life offensively. Suddenly, a bowl game doesn't look like an impossibility anymore.
14. South Carolina Gamecocks - Came real close to spoiling Florida's playoff chances and... You know what, no. I'm not finishing that joke. That's a step too far. The Gamecocks are bad. There.