Before we get started, slow clap to you SEC, it took until November 5th but we're in our first weekend of ONLY SEC on SEC action. The action we all have craved since the beginning of September...give it to us.
It's been a while for the SEC East to be so thoroughly decided so early into the season but barring a meteor striking Florida, your SEC East representatives this coming December in Atlanta will be the Gators and won't the world at large feel great about things. Ah, the calming feeling of a perennial SEC heavyweight back in Atlanta ready to take on the West, not like the team from the midwest we've had to deal with the past two years...nope, the SEC is back to normal! And like our new normal (as Mizzou fans), Florida will take the field the first week of December and get their asses handed to them by the champ from the West. But who will that be? Well my friends, welcome to week 10 where answers are found.
This week we've got one massive game, one to set your day and night around and then a bunch of, eh, that game looks ok. I mean, now that baseball season is over and you've either enjoyed the season, or have gotten the irrational hate fire that inhabits your belly for the team across the state (looking at both fan bases here) you can settle into some late Fall SEC action. And the action is there, you just have to know how to look for it...And that's what we're here for.
To the records!
|Picker||Correct Picks||Incorrect Picks||Overall Record to Date|
Looks like I'm cooked. kristina had a perfect week, how wonderful for all you who follow this series for your gambling picks. Chris bows to the better picker between kristina and I and will take whatever medicine is coming my way. Well done Georgia, choosing to start a new QB after last week's post goes live, you, Mark Richt, have lost control of the The Lazy Fan's Guide Series!
(That's the illusion, we never had control! Oooh, a perfect week. RIP "HHKB", literally. This will ensure my picks for week ten go up in flames faster than, well, our hope for a first drive TD, I guess. Too soon? And y'all have been listening to us ramble on for ten weeks? Maybe you deserve the booze...... nah, we'll take it, and any premium leftover Halloween candy please. No green "licorice", thanks)
To the games!
|#20 Mississippi State vs Missouri||8:00 PM||ESPN / WatchESPN|
Hey guys, remember when this was going to be a fun game? Yeah, August seems so long ago. Back then Mizzou could score touchdowns, had a starting quarterback who could keep his nose clean and wasn't trying to fight everybody at a bar...good times! Well those times are gone! In the place of all that August wonder we have a team with a top defense and a putrid offense, taking on a top 20 ranked team with a great offense and a nice little defense. And on top of all that, it's gonna rain cats and dogs like it did the last time Mizzou had a Thursday night home game on ESPN...and we all know how that ended.
Scale of Watchability: Defcon 3! Listen, it's a Thursday, so you've got nothing else going on, and it's late so it's not like you're watching the NBA. But watch this game you must. It's Faurot Field at night and the Bulldogs have Dak who is a joy to watch.
kristina: Okay, my non-researched thought is the rain should slow down State's offense and not matter so much to our defense, thus our non-existent offense remains, well, uninfluenced by Mother Nature. Somehow there are multiple safeties in this game, to hell with a 9-6 final score, we say 8-4. Even numbers are better anyway. Um, stats and odds be damned (sorry Bill!) but Mizzou.
Chris: F it! I'm going Mizzou! Henson earns his paycheck and in the two weeks he had to figure out how to make the offense work he just barely does. Charles Harris sacks Dak Prescott twice, Drew Lock throws for multiple touchdowns and Kentrell Brothers delivers a baby in the stands at halftime and the Butkus Award Committee still says linebackers at LSU would have done so in a better fashion.
|Vanderbilt vs Florida||11:00 AM||ESPN / WatchESPN|
Well, Vandy serves as the possible last hurdle for Florida to clear in order to take the East. We'd fill in all the jokes here on how easy of a speed bump this would be except, well, we lost to Vanderbilt, so apparently we should keep it shut. And if Florida somehow manages to screw this one up, they have South Carolina next. Talk about a nice schedule when you need it. Poor Vandy didn't manage a point last week, we feel your offensive woes, Commodores. (We may not like you, but we can empathize nonetheless.)
Scale of Watchability: Pretty much Defcon 5. Won't be close, and why watch Florida officially win the East when we all know that should have been ours, of course. It's starting to finally feel like a typical November, head outside and finish some yard work while it's not insanely cold, and/or offer booze and sucker your neighbor with the fancier yard equipment to take care of it.
kristina: At this point, Vandy upsetting Florida wouldn't be as amusing as it should be, but it's not happening. Gators. Enjoy the East, you'll lose to the West.......(trust us, BTDT!) Stupid down seasons.....I'm just going to imagine Fatony as Godzilla stomping all over this one. (Don't take allergy meds, kids! Literally, though, it's on the damn package.)
Chris: If you want to know what I won't be doing at Noon on Saturday it's watching this monstrosity. Florida is going to win and clinch the East, completing the narrative so many people (outside of Tennessee) want to see write true. Florida is back and no one will ever win the East again!!!
|Kentucky vs Georgia||11:00 AM||SEC Network / WatchESPN|
Wow, another stellar game on the SEC Network to start your day. Georgia fans and alumni (cough, bag men, cough) are fed up with Mark Richt and they're mad as hell and aren't going to take it anymore. This is not what they paid for! If they wanted to watch a team play poor offense they could just watch the Tigers of Ol' Mizzou, jokes! Anyway, this game matches two teams that are going in the same direction, so expect Mark Stoops to get a raise when his team fails to win this game as well.
Scale of Watchability: Defcon 4! Oh my god, the only reason to watch this game is on the off chance that the basketball teams show up instead and play in the football team's place. This is going to be ugly, and I'd say head to Home Depot and Bed, Bath and Beyond, but only if there's time.
kristina: Bored now. All the SEC QB drama with this one. Gee, good thing we don't have that problem anymore, am I right? I'll go Bulldogs but neither have been all that convincing. Does anyone actually buy things at Bed, Bath, and Beyond without using a coupon? I should upgrade my Tassimo, the new ones are so fancy!
Chris: Georgia is switching out their offensive line? What is the mad science? Is that even allowed? Someone call Gary Pinkel tout de suite. Listen, it's a rainy game, and I don't think even Kentucky's football players are interested in football anymore, they're more excited about having both basketball teams ranked in the top 20. Take Georgia, just to piss off their boosters that hate Mark Richt.
|Arkansas vs #18 Ole Miss||2:30 PM||CBS / CBS Video|
Well minus Vandy pulling an amazing upset, the East is pretty set but the West is still kind of a mess in terms of scenarios. Ole Miss can help its case ahead of a match-up with LSU by winning this one, and hey, why not avenge a 30-0 loss from last year. Arky has given up 200+ yards to everyone not named UTEP. (hey, so you're telling me there's a chance we could have offense when we play them?) Ole Miss finally gets their bye week after this, rest up y'all, LSU is next.
Scale of Watchability: We'll stick this one at Defcon 3. This year (obviously if you've been reading our columns, eh?) been a bit crazy so it could be close, but probably not and it's too early in the day. Either way though, Bielema tears are precious if Ole Miss takes this one.
kristina: Ah, our friend Chris is a week late with the Halloween references, that's not SEC speed, son. Huh, can you play running back by chance? Ooooh, Bielema's going to lose? We like. Rebels.
Chris: I mean, Ole Miss and I no longer know what that even means anymore. You confuse me with your satirical play you crazy Rebels. Arkansas still looks kind of meh, but that's what a Big 10 coach will bring you so much meh. Take the Rebels and pass your time watching Bielema as his face slowly absorbs his eyes and they pop out of his mouth Geena Davis style in Beetlejuice.
|South Carolina vs Tennessee||3:00 PM||SEC Network / WatchESPN|
Man, I think I was blinded by the last game on the schedule when I said there were some good and interesting games on the schedule because this is another big snoozer. But we continue to get to watch the stars shine bright deep in the heart of Knoxville as they slowly move their way to bowl eligibility and a Butch Jones coronation in a second tier city with more Paneras than you can shake a stick at.
Scale of Watchability: Show me....DEFCON 4! I mean really? The only reason to watch this game is because you just want to see if Tennessee can lose to a lesser opponent, and for the joy it will bring you. Ah schadenfreude...it's real and it's spectacular.
kristina: Going with my "even we beat South Carolina" so therefore Vols. (Despite how mad I am at you for not wearing orange last week.) And it's bread company, damnit. None of this "Panera" crap. (Ways to hide you originate from STL.) Yeah, not watching this one.
Chris: The Vols continue their march towards 2015 mediocrity! They beat SC and count their blessings that the SEC east is a big garbage pile of offenses that make me long early 90s Big 8 football. (Note, I have no idea what that looked like, because I never saw a Big 8 game, I didn't get here until the Big 12, but I bet the Big 8 was something.)
|Auburn vs #19 Texas A&M||6:30 PM||SEC Network / WatchESPN|
So Kyler Murray gets the start at center for the Aggies "air raid" offense, which, for some of us, only induces remembering the scene from "Dazed and Confused." You young-ins better check that movie out if you are unfamiliar with the quote. Hey, if the Aggies true freshman can wreak havoc, why can't ours? Plus, ours has better hair, or something like that. And Murray's coming off a "dazzling" performance against South Carolina. Sound familiar?
Scale of Watchability: Defcon 4. We'd set it at three if it weren't so late, given how wacky the SEC can turn out, but other (better!) match-ups are popping up about this time. Ahem, see right below this. If you're really bored waiting for our prime-time duel, tune in, but otherwise, just make sure your booze is chilling/stocked and you have your appetizers and munchings cooking. May we suggest sausage stars, they tend to be quite the thing.
kristina: Aggies. I have no faith in Auburn. They're just trying to make it to a bowl game, yeah, join the crowd. Six is a serious number. (If you get that reference, I apologize, somewhat. Horrible promotional commercials though.)
Chris: Aggies, Aggies, Aggies! You're starting a quarterback, but who? It's all a big mystery! Whoever leads this team of competent receivers and offensive lineman who have not forgotten the true meaning of blocking, so my fake money is on you A&M. Do us all proud and beat up on Auburn so that the state of Alabama can have an evening full of sadness.
|#2 LSU vs #4 Alabama||7:00 PM||CBS / CBS Video|
Well here it is, the game of the year in the SEC. Its Saban vs Miles. Fournette vs the Bama Defense. Hatred and Fury all rolled into one game that defines the season for both of these teams. It's gonna be a doozy. Winner has entered the driver's seat in the SEC West and will be favored to win out the rest of the way. Loser well they hope everyone else in the playoff falls apart and they can pull an Ohio State circa 2014 and sneak into the College Football Playoff.
Scale of Watchability: I mean this is Defcon 1. It's why the big board was created in the first place. Your only job Saturday night is to watch this game. It may end up 9-6 or something horrible like that I suppose but it's better than anything else you've got going on. Lose the family, attach the catheter and watch this game. Imbibe all the booze and eat all the fried food.
kristina: We could be nice and agreeable this week, but that would be boring and I'd hate to anger our (four?) readers, so hell, 'Bama. Not entirely happy with this pick, but they are the home team and picking against Saban has yet to work out for me if memory serves, maybe his powers have calmed down since his birthday. Mmm... fried food......think I'll go with Jalapeno poppers. (Ugh, one's own fault for forgetting lunch today, so hungry)
Chris: I like LSU. They've got the best running back in all the land. They've got two Butkus Award Semifinalists in their Defense, it's a smashing success of a team. Also, Bama lost to crazy Ole Miss, so I'm taking Leonard and the Tigers to run all over Bama and Nick Saban heads to his inner sanctum to sacrifice a pigeon in disgust and starts considering he 49ers job...
|Pickers||SEC Winners||SEC Losers|
|kristina||Mizzou, Florida, Georgia, Tennessee, A&M, 'Bama||Mississippi State, Vanderbilt, Kentucky, South Carolina, Auburn, LSU|
|Chris||Mizzou, Florida, Georgia, Tennessee, A&M, LSU||Mississippi State, Vanderbilt, Kentucky, South Carolina, Auburn, Alabama|
That'll do it! Will either of us have a clean sheet again this week? Watch all the games and give us all the credit for your correctness around the office water dispenser. Enjoy the SEC games this week!