For 13 weeks, kristina and I have been giving you hot gambling picks, wit, cynicism and excuses to abandon your family, or maybe even your television.
Last week, the SEC season concluded with just the Championship game to take place this Saturday, but a post on just the SEC Championship game would suck the life out of both of us (there's not going to be much to say really), so we've decided to expand The Lazy Fan's Guide to all Conference Championship Games!
Big 12 championship game sold separately because they have one true champion, unless they don't, or they do...silly Big 12 you guys are dumb.
Have we watched all these teams play this season? Absolutely not! Are we equipped to make picks and give you the what for and who of this upcoming weekend? Most certainly!
So sit back and relax and let the Championship Weekend wash all over your face...
But before we can get to that, we have (I suppose) to check out our final SEC Win/Loss Record and in so doing all bow before kristina's picking prowess and my lack thereof!
To the records!
|Picker||Correct Picks||Incorrect Picks||Final SEC Season Records|
|kristina||9||5||110 - 47|
|Chris||12||2||105 - 52|
Well I had a nice little last week, and it's how you finish right, not how you start...eh I still got my ass kicked. All hail kristina, she's the best, I'm the worst!
To the games!
|Bowling Green vs Northern Illinois||Ford Field, Detroit, MI||Friday, December 4||7:00 PM||ESPN 2/ Watch ESPN|
Welcome to the Mid- American Conference, a conference where future coaches of Power 5 conferences get their start. Welcome to Friday Night Lights. WELCOME TO MACTION! If there's one thing this conference has taught me, it's that expect a fun game, tons of scoring and maybe a puppy high five...
Scale of Watchability: MAC Defcon 2! It's Maction, it's a Friday night, it's cold and probably rainy where you live because we've entered the winter of our discontent. The only competing sporting event would be the Mizzou game, but that's why you bust out your Smart Phone, Tablet, or Uber to take your ass to a bar!
kristina: Um....... Bowling Green. Only because a cousin went there. (Logic, right folks?) Detroit in December just sounds cold, I'm over this winter thing. Yes, one can move. Complaining's so much easier. Moving is a hassle.
Chris: I'm gonna pick Northern Illinois. They beat Maryland once in the regular season and that made me laugh, and they've lost three bowl games in a row, so they're gonna win this and then win their bowl game. Also their basketball team will lose this night... to Mizzou!
|#19 Temple vs #22 Houston||TDECU Stadium, Houston, TX||Saturday, December 5||11:00 AM||ABC/ Watch ESPN|
Well, it's the first AAC championship game, and the first time Temple gets to compete in a conference championship as well. Irony, these same two squared off in the AAC's first conference game in 2013. (Not, apparently, according to the conference which keeps the old "Big East" founding date of 1979, whatever.) One projection has the winner of this one going to either the Fiesta or Peach Bowl. For fans of the transitive property, Houston's only loss was to UConn. (Never mind their QB was hurt)
Scale of Watchability: Defcon 2, this should be a good one, folks, unless by that time, we have a head coach and you're mad it's not one of these two and refuse to watch, or something like that. Please tell us by this time we have a new coach, pretty please? (Editor's note, you can thank us, clearly we had some influence on resolving the matter ahead of the scheduled post time)
kristina: Houston. I'll side with history, they lead the series 4-0. Though Temple actually beat UConn. Philly steak sandwiches aren't overrated at all. So good.
Chris: Both these coaches apparently could be coaching Mizzou, BUT NO! They either, a) weren't offered, b) turned it down, or c) none of the above. I like Houston, it's a home game and well it'll be warmer than whatever is going on in Philly, which as a city is overrated. Also no one from Temple is going because Houston is a boring place.
|Western Kentucky vs Southern Miss||LT Smith Stadium, Bowling Green, KY||Saturday, December 5||11:00 AM||ESPN 2/ Watch ESPN|
It's time for some Conference USA action for you. They really should be playing the American conference to see who gets to be the champion of this country. Both these teams have very few losses, but one has a victory over an SEC school, will that matter?!
Scale of Watchability: C-USA Defcon 4. I'm sorry guys, but the Temple v Houston game is just plain better. Also for the Mizzou fan, apparently we haven't tried to hire either of their coaches yet so there's nothing to see here, move along...move it...
kristina: Ah, Western Kentucky and the birth of the "They supposed to be SEC" meme. Guess I'll go with them, home game and all. But picking against a Mississippi team usually doesn't doesn't fare so well.
Chris: Hilltoppers! I think that name is fun, it's so unassuming, not flashy, right in that meaty part of the curve, like Steven Koren. Raise the 8, all hail the Van Buren Boys!!! Also, they beat Vandy, and that amuses me!
|#2 Alabama vs #18 Florida||Georgia Dome, Atlanta GA||Saturday, December 5||3:00 PM||CBS/CBS Video|
Welp, guys, it's the SEC title game, and we're not in it. Is there a basketball game on at this time, maybe? But look it, Saban might be our new coach! Not shockingly, 'Bama is a huge favorite, and since we can't have any chance of Ohio State making into the playoffs, we at the LFG are a-okay with a stomping. McElwain's starting to become a favorite with his views of a situation. After comparing the Gators' effort to dead fish, this week's take was "You know, we just can't sit there and be target practice for these creatures," McElwain said, referring to the beasts on Alabama's front seven. "They've got creatures, now."
Scale of Watchability: Let's go Defcon 3. If the past few weeks indicate anything, this isn't going to be pretty, and let's face it, we'd all rather be watching Mizzou in this one so why waste the time?
kristina: Poor Florida, but we'll feel your pain. As well, doesn't it suck when your starting QB makes poor decisions? But you're still losing, I mean, we even managed a field goal last game, come on, guys. And if we get Saban, he can just hand out Halloween candy to kiddos at halftime or something. Best birth-date ever.
Chris: We all saw who Florida was last week when they get blasted by FSU. And we saw who they were against the dregs of the SEC East once their cheating Quarterback was suspended. Alabama is going to destroy them, and then Florida will get a better bowl game they deserve because they're Florida.
|San Diego State vs Air Force||Qualcomm Stadium, San Diego, CA||Saturday, December 5||6:30 PM||ESPN 2/ Watch ESPN|
The Mountain West Conference Championship and it doesn't feature Boise State or Fresno State, color me confused. Apparently Mizzou was involved with the Air Force coach a skoch and Teki transferred to San Diego State, so there's some things happening here for you. Remember when Mizzou was going to the Mountain West with Kansas, K-State and Iowa State...I miss conference realignment.
Scale of Watchability: Mountain West Defcon 3. And that 3 rating is only because of the 15 minute window its got before the Pac 12 Title game kicks off.
kristina: I'll go with San Diego State. Can't agree all the time, that's just no fun, and plus, San Diego has really good sushi. I really need to get to a coast soon. Upgraded sushi/seafood and beaches. Oh, and it's warm.
Chris: Let's take Air Force, and my reasons are simple. Mrs. Bohkay is an Air Force brat and I like their helmets with the lightning bolts. Lightning bolts slamming into you, that's not gonna be comfortable. Take the Force as it Awkens and stop making fun that they have less planes than the Navy.
|#7 Stanford vs #20 USC||Levi's Stadium, Santa Clara, CA||Saturday, December 5||6:45 PM||ESPN / Watch ESPN|
Stanford returns to the championship game for a third year in a row, gee, must be nice. They also beat USC during the regular season, and at USC, though HC Shaw is keeping pretty mum on anything from that game that may be used this weekend. Their last six meetings have all been decided by ten points or less, so this should be a close one. (Having said that, we apologize when it's 35-0 for wasting your time.)
Scale of Watchability: Pac-12 DefCon 2. For now, the line is at 4.5 in favor of the Cardinals (when's baseball starting up again?) Of course, a trip to the Rose bowl is on the line, and both teams average very close in points scored and given up.
kristina: Stanford. (Odd as the only game I watched was their loss to Northwestern) You don't need a garmin or google maps when you've got a compass and a protractor!
Chris: NERRRRRRRRDSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Take the smart kids, they've got calculators and protractors and the compasses, man those are sharp. Also, Santa Clara is a closer drive from Stanford than from USC, and drive you must since there's no public transport. God the Yorks suck, just sell the team and move on...if not for Dan Snyder, Jed York you'd be the biggest joke in the NFL.
|#1 Clemson vs #10 North Carolina||Bank of America Stadium, Charlotte, NC||Saturday, December 5||7:00 PM||ABC / Watch ESPN|
So, this game kind of matters you know? Can Clemson run the table and secure their spot in the top 4 and as a result the College Football Playoff? Will they wear those ridiculous purple uniforms? Will Kirk Farmer be somewhere with his beautiful hair having flashbacks? Can UNC play the spoiler? Is Larry Fedora going to sign an extension or will he be linked to Mizzou some way?
Scale of Watchability: ACC Defcon 1!!! Really you should be watching this game and the Big 10 championship game simultaneously, they're both so good. But if you must choose, take the ACC because they'll have a better halftime show involving footballs and giant Dr. Pepper cans.
kristina: Clemson. I'm not supposed to root for North Carolina, I don't think? But does rooting for the spoiler cancel that out? Where's our "how/who to root for" flowchart, people?
Chris: I'm going for it, I'm taking the Heels. I bet Larry Fedora is sitting there right now shirtless rubbing baby oil all over his chest, because that's the kind of guy he is. Eight Ball, your season ends in disappointment.
|#4 Iowa vs #5 Michigan State||Lucas Oil Stadium, Indianapolis, IN||Saturday, December 5||7:00 PM||Fox / Fox Sports Go|
The stakes are high in this one, winner gets a spot in the playoffs, well, according to just about anyone. Speculation is so much fun this time of year, isn't it? (No, not really) Coaches, bowl and playoff predictions, will BST get a Christmas tree into Bill C's house? Speaking of, might as well read his preview of the game. You know, if numbers and stats are your thing. Iowa's starting QB is the grandson of a former NFL GM who once was dubbed "smartest man in the NFL" by SI. I mean, if you're going to learn the game from someone, that's not an awful way to start.
Scale of Watchability: Defcon 2, you should watch this one, folks. Who really enjoys Christmas/holiday shopping anyway, watch football! What's bigger than a playoff spot on the line? Win and you're in! (Sigh, too soon?)
kristina: Iowa. I'm just not a Michigan State fan. What happens if you order California sparkling wine in Paris? Is that frowned upon?
Chris: Iowa, because it's funny if they win. It's been a great year, but this team reminds me of the Marlins, they'll get to the championship game and then just blow it up by accident. Blaine Gabbert will never forget the Insight Bowl, and neither will I, I got up at 3:00 AM in Paris for that debacle, but still Paris, so still awesome.
|kristina||Bowling Green, Houston, WKU, Alabama, San Diego St, Stanford, Clemson, Iowa||Northern Illinois, Temple, Southern Miss, Florida, Air Force, USC, North Carolina, Michigan State|
|Chris||Northern Illinois, Houston, Western Kentucky, Alabama, Air Force, Stanford, North Carolina, Iowa||Bowling Green, Temple, Southern Miss, Florida, San Diego State, USC, Clemson, Michigan State|
And that will do it! All the info you need to make your picks and decide what is and is not worth your time. Until bowl season!!!