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NCAA Round 1 Picks: The Lazy Fan's Guide

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Fretting on how to make your NCAA Tournament picks? Well luckily RMN is here to help and we've got science on our side...

Charles LeClaire-USA TODAY Sports

So, as the SBN writers obviously hacked into the RMN files, HHKB and I had to somewhat rework our mascot wars post.  (Never mind it was their second year, they clearly found ours to be better.)   Either way, what you'll find below is a fun and low-key look into the first round match-ups.  Yes, play-in games, you don't count, except for mockery.  

And on the topic du jour Boise State fans, yes it was a Dayton home game, and yes you did get a little screwed, but remember, you're lucky you're even playing.


In the East:
'Nova vs. Lafayette.  First off and we're all cat.  College mascots are about as creative as a school lunch menu.   Um, hands down to the Leopards.  Not only the bigger, more impressive cat, but Nova's mascot is, well, not imposing.

NC State vs. LSU.   LOL.   Oh, LSU, you may have good stretches, but you also lost to Mizzou. Therefore, the choice is clearly NC State.  Conference solidarity be damned.  (honestly, though, I like this match-up, might actually be good viewing) 

Panthers vs. Wyoming.  Silly.  A gun-toting cowboy versus an endangered species?   Yet another cat.  Why is the Cheetah always left out?  


Anteaters vs. Cardinals:   Anteaters are not be trifled with.   Do not mess with them.

Providence vs. Dayton:  Honestly, it's a good thing the kids will be in bed.  The friar mascot is just about the creepiest thing ever.

Michigan State vs. Georgia:  This may as well go down had you actually put a bulldog against the fiercest Greek warrior.   Sorry UGA fans.  Don't worry, your campus is still pretty. Also, if you bet against Izzo you are dumb.  

Virginia vs. Belmont.  Ah yes, yet another school to replace a Confederate/Rebel mascot with a bear.   Good luck.  
Upset alert:  Well you know a 12 seed is going to take down a five.  This is the bracket it happens.  

The South:
Duke vs Robert Morris.  Duke took an imposing French soldier, LES CHASSEURS ALPINS ARE NOT TO BE MESSED WITH,  and turned it into this.  So the Colonial fans were chanting "we want Duke" by the end.  Good luck with that.  Good thing Duke was the only #2 seed to lose in 2011, amirite? And if you needed another reason to hate Duke, they bastardize everything and make them terrible.

Hoyas vs. Eagles.  Someone explain to me how a Latin-Greek spin-off becomes a bulldog (that doesn't involve booze)  Logic just isn't there.  


Utes vs. Lumberjacks:   Who decided that the axe needed to have emotion?   

Cyclones vs. Blazers.  Never mind the weather pedantry, yes tornadoes have been referred to as cyclones.  But where do you come up with a Cardinal (Cy) to represent it?  Birds don't exactly instill fear into the heart of the opponent.          (Wait a second.........................)

Iowa vs. Davidson:   Iowa, what have you done?  Taking a memory of a proud leader and turning it into Herky?  Hercules sounds imposing.  Herky sounds like, well this!  

Davidson's wildcat actually looks scary, 'Nova should take note.  That being said, I don't see Davidson winning.  But we still like you, thanks for taking out Kansas in '11.  

'Zaga vs. North Dakota:  Honestly, a bulldog put into the field with a bison would be like watching paint dry.  Avid college basketball fans can just hope the game is nothing but.

In the West
Wisconsin vs Coastal Carolina: I mean, c'mon



Oregon vs OSU: Always bet on the team with the money and the uglier court. Go Ducks!

Arkansas vs Wofford: Everything I've read has told me Mike Anderson's system can't win in the tournament (facts aside), but let's just assume that Mike Anderson is interviewing for a new job at halftime. Take Wofford!

North Carolina vs Harvard: It's not your fault Heels...it's not your fault. Take Harvard!

Xavier vs Ole Miss: SO MUCH SATIRE! But when it comes to making a selection go with the team that had a movie based on the name that starred Gerard DePardieu.

Baylor vs Georgia State: This is Baylor and Scott Drew, if I need to tell you anymore than that, well you're already cooked.

VCU vs Ohio State:  VCU...forever.

Arizona vs Texas Southern: Kitty cat in a hat!

In the Midwest

Kentucky vs Hampton: A 16 has to beat a 1 at some point...right....RIGHT?! If you need help with this, well maybe basketball isn't for you.

Cincinnati vs Purdue: BOOOOOOOZE!!!!! Bet on booze, boiler makers make your evening better.

WVU vs Buffalo: I am not a fan of buffalo flavored things, and Bison burgers are OVERRATED! That's right, I said it.

Maryland vs Valporaiso: If I (HHKB Chris) don't select Maryland, my lady will beat me up. Go Terps. Also, Mizzou beat Valpo, so clearly, they're terrible.

Butler vs Texas: THE BUTLER DID IT!!!!

Notre Dame vs Northeastern: Two days after St. Patrick's Day? Well the hangover should be gone by now, pick the Rudys.

Wichita State vs Indiana: Candy cane pants, NOPE!

Kansas vs New Mexico State: Never fight a land war in Asia and never count on Kansas in the early rounds vs a mid major.

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And there you have it. You should feel very secure in your choices and when you win your pool, kristina and I expect a cut of that cash, wine will also do!

Enjoy the games everyone!!!