clock menu more-arrow no yes mobile

Filed under:

Sweet 16 Picks: The Lazy Fan's Guide Returns

Are you in a second chance bracket and all turned around? Well kristina and I are back to help you through this difficult process.

Steven Branscombe-USA TODAY Sports

Last week kristina and I gave you a nudge in the right direction to take when making your picks for the pool you entered when you thought you had a shot to win some cash. If you're like most of us, well, that crashed and burned within the first few hours of the tournament starting. Oh Big 12, you just can't do anything right, can you?

Anyway, since we were so helpful the first time, we thought we should do this community, I mean public service, again. So without further ado, here are your sweet 16 picks that dig a little deeper than your typical talking heads will give you.

Midwest Region

#3 Notre Dame vs. #7 Wichita State

I mean, we should all still be Shockers Fans after what they gave us this past Sunday.  Try as you might, beaker fans, the "pick the mid-major Kansas will lose to" is a meme that won't go away, unlike what y'all tend to do as a #2 seed.  Though their mascot is a tad, well, odd.  WuShock – a big, bad, muscle-bound bundle of wheat. If they're going for intimidating, they failed.

Even better, Marshall's answer when asked about the similarities between his undefeated (until it wasn't) season and this year's Kentucky.

The similarities between us and Kentucky? They wear shorts and tank tops and sneakers, and we do the same. I don't know what type hair gel Cal uses, but he uses something, a little bit of product, I use a little product. His suits are probably a little more expensive.

#1 Kentucky vs. #5 West Virginia

Good news for Mountaineer fans, Huggins is 8-2 versus Calipari.  Bad news, you're still going to lose, 'cause Kentucky.  Though if you manage to pull this one off, at least we don't have to listen to Ashley Judd anymore.  Keep on talking though, Miles.  Ticking off the best team in the nation?

UK prevails, and the Big 12 keeps singing another one bites the dust.

West Region

#1 Wisconsin vs #4 North Carolina

So NC has this weird looking ram for a mascot  and if that's not bad enough, it'll be featured on their spanking brand new Jordan Air shoes.

Maybe the visual will throw the Badgers off their game.  (That's a (bad) joke for those not aware badgers don't see in color).  While the current Bucky looks, well, see for yourself, the badger can be a pretty worthy foe.

The original badger mascot was too vicious to control. On more than one occasion, the live badger escaped handlers before a sideline hero recaptured the animal with a flying tackle. It was decided in the interest of fan and player safety that Wisconsin's mascot be retired to the Madison Zoo. The Badger Yearbook replaced the live badger with a small raccoon named Regdab (badger backwards) and passed it off as a "badger in a raccoon coat."

You be you, Wisconsin.

#2 Arizona vs #6 Xavier

You have to go wildcat here, despite their silly looking "wildcat couple" of Wilma and Wilbur.  Should have stuck with the actual bobcat, 'Zona.  (Rufus Arizona was the first live mascot)  One does not mess with a desert bobcat.   Also of note, it's a coaching reunion as 'Zona's Miller faces his prior assistant, Mack, who took over at Xavier.  You can throw in a feel-good story as well, with Xavier's Stainbrook (aka Mac6 from RMN) holding a job as an Uber driver as he transferred his scholarship to his younger walk-on brother. 

Xavier also is the rare "two mascot" school as apparently, the musketeer was scaring younger spectators, so they went with this blue blob thing. Not sure they achieved their goal.

South Region

#2 Gonzaga vs #11 UCLA

This is where the fact that CBS won't allow Gus Johnson to call any of the NCAA tournament games really sticks in my craw. Do you remember his reaction from the last time they faced each other in the NCAA tournament? You don't? Well check it. What really makes it is Greg Gumbel's reaction afterwards. Anyway, when picking this game you go with the team that's got something to play for, and that's Gonzaga. Tonight, they play for this sad young man:

For only 50 cents a day, you too can save a crying Adam Morrison from such horror. Won't you take the time to donate today?

#1 Duke vs. #5 Utah

I don't hate Christian Laettner, I don't hate anyone really, but I don't like Coach K and his flopping players whose pained expressions rival only those of an Italian soccer player being knocked over by a gust of wind. So go Utah! If they're good enough for My Cousin Vinny, they're good enough for me!

Let's be real, Kansas loves ducking out as a 2 seed, but so does Duke, they're just itching to lose and lose this game they will and much will be right with the world, then Jeff Capel can quit and go do terrible things at Arizona State, which is apparently is very easy to get into according to Ned Flanders.

East Region

#4 Louisville vs #8 NC State

In an episode of Rock M Radio (listen to it now and then all the time) before the start of the Mizzou basketball season, Jack Peglow (your mother would describe him as the guy in the pants if she saw him) predicted Mizzou would go 0 for the season, and he wasn't far off! On a more recent episode he predicted Louisville to make noise in the tournament, and well here we are. Fool me once, shame on...shame on you...fool can't get fooled again. So, take the Cats, they're much scarier than a wolf pack, I mean just look at this mess:

#3 Oklahoma vs #7 Michigan State

It's March and it's Michigan State and it's Tom Izzo. If you pick against him you might as well just light your money on fire and punch yourself in the face...over and over again. Also, Oklahoma has a horsey mascot and a wagon, because that's how they got to Oklahoma or something. Michigan State has a steroid infused Spartan. Those Spartans all seemed pretty pissed in that 300 movie, and can you blame them? Everything looked so dirty and sad. Dirty and sad beats wagon folk 9 times out of 10.


There you have it, your picks that will ensure you go 8 for 8 in your consolation bracket. When you are wining and dining on your winnings be sure to toast us and be thankful you have access to our minds.