Let's step into the time machine and go way, way back. I mean, to the point where you can hardly recognize anything.
It was May 11, 2015. Riley Curry was an anonymous child on the NBA sidelines. Martin O'Malley hadn't yet declared his intention to run for President. I hadn't had a haircut. It was the good ol' days.
Back then, we all did this crazy thing called The Fifth Annual #TremendousStubble Charity Drive. Long story short: the Mizzou softball coach has incredible facial hair, so let's give money to the MU Children's Hospital. Or something like that. I wasn't really paying attention.
Now that the Tigers' run in the Women's College World Series has come to a close, it's time for the best part: the part where you give the MU Children's Hospital money!
If you forgot what you pledged, you can go back and check out the original post. For some reference for the prop bets, here's a nice summary of how the Tigers did in some popular prop bets (spoiler alert: pretty darn good!):
2 wins vs. Kansas
So, total up how much you owe, and then it's time to donate.
How To Donate
Our friends at the MU Children's Hospital must think we are dumb (they're right!), because they have made it dead simple to donate this year. Here's how it works:
Step 1: Click on this link. It'll take you to a page that looks like this.
OK, before we move on: look at that. Between the adorable child holding a sign that she certainly does not understand, to the description ("Named humorously in honor of the facial hair of Coach Ehren Earleywine" is literally perfect), to the OMG PROGRESS BAR PROGRESS BAR PROGRESS BAR, this is by far the best donation page ever. Yeah, I said it, Jerry Lewis' telethon!
Step 2: Type your amount in the "Gift Amount" box and click "Add to Basket". I pledged $5 for every win and $1 for every strikeout, so that's...
(gets out abacus)
...$32. If you'd like to have your name listed, be sure to click the "I would like to be listed as a contributor" box. You can also put in a comment. Please comment responsibly. PLEASE COMMENT RESPONSIBLY.
Step 3: Type in your e-mail address (that's so they can send you a digital receipt), confirm everything's correct, and click "Give Now."
Step 4: Fill out the credit card page. Have you ever bought anything online? It is literally exactly like that. I shouldn't have to explain this, you found your way to this website so I assume you know how the Internet kind of works.
Step 5: BOOM!
That's it! You did it! I'm very proud of you, let's go get some ice cream.
Pretty easy, right? And the great news is, we'll know how close we are to our goal thanks to that OMG PROGRESS BAR!!!
So now we need to get serious for a moment.
A Word On Welching
Look. This is an Internet blog. We don't have the resources to track you down if you want to skip out on your pledge. And we're not going to hound you about it. If you made a pledge, and you don't pay on your pledge, that's your prerogative. It's a terrible prerogative, but it's your prerogative nonetheless.
I only ask that you think about where this money is going. Kids are sick, and they could really use your help. A number of people — almost all of them at the MU Children's Hospital, because God knows we just sit around and make fart jokes all day — worked pretty hard to make this thing happen, and the least you can do is pony up a couple of bucks to help sick kids.
Also: I'm pretty sure Ehren Earleywine will hunt you down for sport if you welch on your pledge. I mean, have you seen that guy's e-mails?
And if you want to give more than you pledged, that'd be super-cool as well. But at this point, this is the Internet honor system, and the Social Contract should kick in deep in the cockles of your heart.
There's no hard-and-fast deadline, but we'd love to have all the donations in by the end of the week. That way, we can check out that awesome progress bar and see where we're at.
Cool? Cool. Pop some questions in the comment section, and we'll answer them as best we can.
Go Mizzou softball. Go sick kids. Go #TremendousStubble.