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The Lazy Fan's Guide to Week 2 of the College Football Season

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It's week 2 of the season and the SEC begins feasting upon itself!

Jim Brown-USA TODAY Sports

Week 1 of the college football season is in the books and we're back for week 2! Week 2's got more renovated stadiums to open, more SEC on SEC action, potential trap games and a chance for one team to live up to the hype or be exposed for nothing more than a shiny cat toy that's glittery but easily knocked off a table and under the couch.  Cats are such jerks.

To the schedule, the picks and the intrigue!

Saturday, September 12

Jacksonville State at Auburn 11:00 am SEC Network / WatchESPN

Jacksonville State visits Jordan-Hare in a game that will most certainly only be watched because it's the first game of the day and SEC fans are nothing if not loyal, plus there are no other SEC morning games. Auburn beat Louisville last week and they're back to challenge for the SEC West crown...along with the rest of the division.

kristina: Morning game?  Means bubbly with, or perhaps, without orange juice.   Auburn.

HHKB Chris: The city of Jacksonville once told Tony Kornheiser he was never invited back after trashing the city following its hosting of the Superbowl; luckily for Mr. Tony, Jacksonville State is in Alabama. So were he to go watch this game he could see who truly is the state school of Alabama. In this game it's Auburn.

Fresno State at Ole Miss 2:30 pm ESPN2 / WatchESPN

Fresno?  SEC connection time with Kiffin's alma mater heading down to Oxford. Also of note, also Jerry Tarkanian (RIP) but we'll assume he wouldn't have been very welcome at DC's crib.  (For those not familiar with UNLV lore, Tarkanian's signature ritual was biting on a soaked towel during games, though, of course, it had to be be prepared properly!)   While Kelly gets the start for the Rebels, Freeze may use all three of his QBs, Fresno might use two, ah the QB drama continues........  Ford Childress?  Sounds like he can make it as a soap opera actor.

kristina: Ole Miss.  But can you guys not run up the score quite so much this time?

HHKB Chris: Fresno State is not a state, and not in the way Pennsylvania or Kentucky isn't a state, perhaps Fresno is a state of mind, and for this weekend that state of mind is going to be in the state of getting the crap kicked into them. Not for any football reasons but because of the travel, the flights, good lord the time change!!! Take Ole Miss for geographic purposes only.

Georgia at Vanderbilt 2:30 pm CBS / CBS Video

Nashvegas!!!!!! Oh Vanderbilt you went and barfed all over the conference, what were you guys thinking?! You had the sheet of paper, the paper with the plays and the winning and the sheet and then you got hilltop'ed. Georgia, the class of the East, Nick Chubb, Star Wars, it's all there. One team leaves Nashville 1-0 in the SEC and one step closer to Eastern Division Supremacy.

kristina: Georgia.  Mason's sheet lost its touch.  I'll treat them like baseball, don't swing until you get a strike, don't pick Vandy until they actually win.

HHKB Chris: Second week in a row and I'll be at a different SEC game, last week it was Mizzou, this weekend Vandy. If I get anywhere near your basketball arena, well I can't promise what I'll do. I'll probably black out and wake up covered in ash in the remains of what was a building that housed many events. Georgia, all day.

Middle Tennessee at Alabama 3:00 pm SEC Network / WatchESPN

Saban demands you respect an underdog!!  AJ McCarron's little brother is on the Blue Raiders, little fun fact for you there.  (Do we know if he has a girlfriend Brent Musburger can fawn over?)  This is 'Bama's home opener for the season and, at last check, is favored by thirty-something.  MTSU has only three victories against the SEC, and all of those were Vandy, so history's not exactly on their side.

kristina: Alabama.

HHKB Chris: Of the movies set in Alabama I'll take My Cousin Vinny over Forrest Gump, clearly the better picture and possibly the best acting you'll ever see out of the Karate Kid, how the Academy failed to recognize him is beyond me. SHAME! Take Bama because they're Bama and Nick Saban is the Devil.

Toledo at Arkansas 3:00 pm SEC Network Alternate / WatchESPN

An Arkansas quarterback threw for over 300 yards...let that sink in.  Do you feel the icicles forming in hell? What is going on?! My world view is all turned around, up is down, black is white, human sacrifice, dogs and cats living together, MASS HYSTERIA!!! I imagine the look on the rest of the SEC's coaches faces when they realized Arkansas knew how to throw was akin to Shooter McGavin's realizing the Happy learned to putt...

kristina: It ain't over, McGavin, the way I see it, we've only just begun.   Arky.  Esp. with Toledo playing its first full game.  I mean, how many games did the weather screw up last week?

HHKB Chris: Here's some trivia you may not have heard that you can wow your friends with at your next tailgate, Nick Saban and Gary Pinkel both coached at Toledo...and Saban recommended Toledo hire Gary after he left. I know, your mind is blown! Take Arkansas and their new air raid offense.

Oklahoma at Tennessee 5:00 pm ESPN / WatchESPNespn3 Skycam

Remember when we ran the kickoff back on Oklahoma, that was so much fun!  Anyway, another big 12 / SEC match-up.  So, apparently, the Sooners have been playing Rocky Top at their practices to get an idea of what to expect playing at Tennessee, which I suppose is one migraine-inducing strategy.  Though, to be fair, it seems that's the plan for all their road games.  And it just wouldn't be a Big 12/SEC game without a little pregame trash talking, would it?

kristina: Kept going back and forth on this one.  Tennessee.  Plus, it's about time we disagreed on something besides whether or not bubbly needs OJ.

HHKB Chris: Tennessee gave up a million yards passing to something called a "Matt Johnson" so you can imagine whatever a Baker Mayfield (that name belongs in the SEC) from Oklahoma is going to do to the stars of Tennessee. Expect Voluntears...take the Sooners!

Ball State at Texas A&M 6:00 pm ESPNU / WatchESPN

Welcome to brand new Kyle Field, now larger and more in charger than ever before! Texas A&M went batsh*t crazy all over Arizona State in their first week and put the Pac 12 on notice, THE SEC IS BACK Y'ALL/YA'LL!!!! All four teams in this year's College Football Playoff are coming from the SEC West, and if they could have all 7 they would!!! A&M is here, they're back and we should jump to enormous conclusions based on their week 1 showing!

kristina: Aggies. They clearly were insulted HHKB and I picked against them last weekend.

HHKB Chris: Making rash conclusions based on how A&M played in week 1 has always worked out in the past, so we should do that again. Take the Aggies and their dog leader all night long.

#21 Mizzou vs. Arkansas State 6:00 pm ESPN3 / WatchESPN

This preview is under protest until the game is televised!!  I'm sure somewhere (looking at you, tigerboard, you and your awful format of a website) Mizzou fans are worried about a potential trap game.  But clearly, this isn't an issue this weekend as Arky State has no shiny helmets to distract our players.  The red wolves (Howl, the Red Wolf? boring!) are coming off a brutal 55-6 loss to USC, but hey, at least their kicker got some rest.  Will this be the week he finally attempts his first FBS field goal? They also feature a 5'5" RB.

kristina: Mizzou! Though the thought of this game at Busch sounded better (for my own attendance purposes).

HHKB Chris: What exactly is the point of the SEC Network if this game is internet only?! I think we need a lawyer to look into this...I'm thinking MATLOCK!!!! Arkansas State is unveiling an expansion to their stadium, so you know they'll be pumped down in "Jonesboogey" (this is almost as bad as Nashvegas) but Mizzou is gonna win, because MatLock is on the case. Sit back, get your favorite throw, put on your housecoat, load up on prune juice and pass out to the dulcet tones of whoever is calling this game.

East Carolina at Florida 6:00 pm ESPN2 / WatchESPN

Every year for as long as I can remember and been alive, East Carolina has beaten someone they shouldn't and things get a little weird, they make a bowl game and their coach gets a better shinier job. I don't know if this happens here. Florida looked good last week against New Mexico State but that happened last year. Have things changed? Is this a new Florida? Are their players still blocking each other?!

kristina: I'll say Florida and will assume this is the one I mess up on.

HHKB Chris: Florida, I mean, it's in the swamp, and Gators love the swamp, down in the mud, just rolling around...wondering when it's gonna be there time. They beat the Pirates but what does it mean? I don't know.

Kentucky at South Carolina 6:30 pm SEC Network / WatchESPN

Neither team looked all that great last weekend, but hey, this one's televised!  And a win is a win, no style points here.  For the oddball stat of the day, Kentucky looks to extend its streak of winning its second game in a season to 18.  A win also snaps their streak of losing on the road.  Last road win for Kentucky was in 2009.  As we say around these parts, woof.  Not to mention Kentucky gave up 247 rushing yards last weekend, had fewer total yards, first downs, and less time of possession, but again, style points be damned, a win's a win.

kristina: Kentucky.  Maybe they can protect their lead a little better this time.

HHKB Chris: Last week the Cocks managed to barf their way to a win, this week I think they barf all over themselves but lose. Kentucky gets their first road win in a while and Stoops gets a further extension because that's what Kentucky does! Big Blue is atop the SEC East, the road to Atlanta goes through them!

LSU at Mississippi State 8:15 pm ESPN / WatchESPNespn3 Skycam

As is now tradition, an SEC opener was canceled due to weather.  All that tailgating, wasted! Well not wasted, just done with no time to spew venom across the field to the opposition, only yourself, or friends and family...Poor LSU, but, hey the players are so well rested as they head to Starkvegas! State opened up with a win on the road and now come home to go full Dak on their fans and the Tigers. There's no party like a Starkvegas party I'm told...

kristina: LSU.  That way, less cowbell.

HHKB Chris: I'm not buying State! No sir, I don't like em, not one bit. LSU's coming in, they're eager to go full Les on Dan Mullen and Dak is eaten alive. LSU wins and the heisman campaign for Dak is over before it gets started.

Pickers SEC Winners SEC Losers
kristina Auburn, Ole Miss, UGA, Alabama, Arkansas, A&M, Mizzou, Florida, Kentucky, LSU, Tennessee South Carolina, Miss. St., Vandy
HHKB Chris Auburn, Ole Miss, UGA, Alabama, Arkansas, A&M, Mizzou, Florida, Kentucky, LSU Tennessee, South Carolina, Mississippi State, Vandy

Last week we both got the A&M game wrong, but were right on Vandy, so had you bet with us, money would have been made. We assume the check is in the mail, and no, we don't accept Venmo, stop asking!  Booze, on the other hand........but none of that Andre stuff.

That will do it for week 2, we hope you feel enlightened, ready and able to enjoy this coming weekend on a whole new level. SEC football is happening and it's spectacular!