SEC Power Rankings: Accuracy guaranteed*

With a couple of the conference’s top teams duking it out last weekend, our rankings have become a bit more accurate. Not that they weren’t accurate before, of course; they just have more data to back up what I wholeheartedly guarantee is an infallible list. Just read on and try to refute these rankings. I dare you.

1. Alabama Crimson Tide - The Tide are really good. I’m not really sure what else to say at this point. Arkansas is a good team, and an Alabama win never felt threatened. We don’t have enough goof fuel to power the funny thrusters. Hopefully playing Tennessee this weekend will change that.
2. Texas A&M Aggies - I too would be wary of foul play after receiving so many gifts from an opposing team, but not so wary that I would nearly waste seven turnovers by losing the dang game.
3. Ole Miss Rebels - Unlike a few teams below them in the rankings, Ole Miss was able to successfully abstain from football activities this weekend without looking like they were ducking a game.
4. Tennessee Volunteers - The Vols nearly won a game that the very forces of the universe attempted to ruin for them. Of the seven turnovers they tallied, I can think of at least three that seemingly teleported into the hands of a Texas A&M player like an unfortunate Tracer blinking into a well-timed Roadhog hook.
5. Arkansas Razorbacks - The Hogs put up as valiant of a fight as you can ask for against Alabama. Their reward is a chance to play a solid Ole Miss team who just happens to be fresh off a bye week and favored by a touchdown, which means Arkansas will probably paste them.
6. LSU Tigers - I’m not sure a team can go through two more eventful weeks than LSU’s last couple. I think I speak for everyone - including, and probably especially the team - in saying that I’m ready for the Tigers to get back to playing football, regardless of the outcome.
7. Florida Gators - Can you really call it homecoming if you chose not to leave the house the week prior?
8. Auburn Tigers - Possibly good now? It’s hard to tell. They’re on a bit of a winning streak, but no one outside of the top couple of teams in the league are really any good. I’ll go ahead and say: maybe.
9. Georgia Bulldogs - The Dawgs didn’t look incredibly promising against South Carolina, but it’s understandable when you account for the Muschamp flashbacks they were likely battling throughout the contest.
10. Missouri Tigers - Crossing my fingers and hoping that the Tigers won’t be suffering from any lasting effects of shell shock against Florida this weekend.
11. Mississippi St. Bulldogs - Wins are going to be Stark in this Ville for the foreseeable future.
12. Kentucky Wildcats - Kentucky proved that they weren’t the worst team in the conference last weekend. They’re definitely not good, but that’s at least something.
13. South Carolina Gamecocks - The team is bad and the brand of football they play is nigh unwatchable. Which is to say - things are moving right on schedule for the Will Muschamp rebuild.
14. Vanderbilt Commodores - Ralph Webb is fun. That’s about it, though.