The whole Tiger gang is back for another "adventure!" This time for a romp in the swamp.
.5 Stars (out of 5) "You're f'n killin' me, Smalls"
Sorry for the delayed review. MU football has officially taken a toll on me for I blame it on my ongoing, seemingly never-ending cold. Anyway, on to the critique.
Uggghhhhhhh, another one? Nobody - and I mean NOBODY - wants to see these games anymore nor be subjected to them on a weekly basis. Unfortunately, Mizzou seems more than dedicated to cranking them out week after week. Admittedly, the one-note up-tempo offensive formula seemed charming, even promising at first. Now, not so much. Now… I just want the formulaic laziness to stop. C'mon 'Zou, you're not funny anymore. You're better than this… or are you?
Adam Sandler has his friends in EVERY movie - regardless of their "talents." Michael Bay and Zack Snyder have their slow-mo. John Woo has his doves. Tim Burton has his Johnny Depp. And Barry Odom? Well, Barry has his three-and-outs… in EVERY. Damn. Game.
On October 15th, MU premiered yet another run-of-the-mill yarn, listlessly beginning with the aforementioned staple: a three-and-out. Followed by another three-and-out. Then, well, you know the drill. We've seen this flick before, yes? Anyway, 6 three-and-outs and 2 pick six's later, MU trails 20-0 and this game is over before it starts and I am not the least bit surprised. A little irritated I have to watch another one of these stale, predictable performances, but not surprised.
Police Academy. The Hobbit. Fast & Furious. Saw. Sandler. All things that wore out their welcome years before they should have been mercifully put to bed. Add Missouri's offense (or lack thereof) to the list. As it stands right now, Mizzou is on a Sandler career arc trajectory. Scary, isn't it? However, if they're not careful, Mizzou is in danger of heading down a Friday the 13th path of vapid sequel after vapid sequel. I mean, did you see Jason X? Did you?! It took place in space for f***'s sake. SPACE! That's Mizzou's destiny, guys. Jason f***ing X!
Listen, if you watched MU's game from 2 weeks ago - Missouri Tigers Day Off (MU v LSU) - then you know how this one plays out. Zero surprises. Zero heart. Zero fun. Three. And. Out.
Three (and out) Takeaways
Blame: Plenty to go around here, from poor (very poor) quarterback play to lack of preparation on behalf of the (so far) overmatched coaching staff. Mostly, it's a forced-upon-us ensemble lacking any semblance of chemistry and even worse, zero direction. You can blame whomever you choose, however, and you wouldn't be wrong.
Pie: The lone "bright spot" from an otherwise heartless affair is Josh Augusta "Rhymes" keepin' the Piesman Trophy voters in check with another award-worthy performance. Whoo hah!
Warning: Predicable rumblings out of Mizzou Nation has many calling for backup quarterback Marvin Zanders to replace struggling star, Drew Lock. Be careful what you ask for Zou fans. Zanders may still prove to be the Rob Schneider to Lock's Sandler. You've been warned.
(A real movie with real consequences)
Summary: Groan Ups lives up to its absurdly on-the-nose title with yet another lack-luster installment in the 2016 season. Once a promising franchise, these tired old romps are no longer entertaining. Hell, they're not even mildly amusing. Ugggghhhhh, just make them stop!
What do you think? Rate the game below using the Smalls-o-meter and find out what the rest of Mizzou Nation thinks.
Rock M Review Ratings
*You're killin' it, Smalls (60% or more Mizzou fans rate the game positively)
*You're killin' me, Smalls (59% or fewer Mizzou fans rate the game positively)
Watch (or don't):
Genre: Comedy | Not Rated
Featuring: Josh Augusta Rhymes
Produced by: Josh Heupel and DeMontie Cross
Directed by: Barry Odom