Drew Lock was a "can't miss" kid with dreams of NFL stardom. Taking home numerous individual awards and honors as a young quarterback growing up in the Midwest, he had all the tools to succeed and was destined for greatness. But deep down young Drew has been harboring a dark secret: He can't turn his head!
2 Stars (out of 5) "You're killin' me, Smalls"
The comedic struggles of a quarterback who can't turn his head and throw are the selling point of Zoulander, however, the real plot lie within the team's inability to, well, consistently play good football - which turned out to not make for all that entertaining a story. While Drew Lock as an incapable 'ambi-turner' is at times funny in a Michael Scott make you cringe kind of way, the predictable gag unfortunately reaches Seth MacFarlane levels of "beating a dead horse" by halftime. Not ideal.
There really isn't a great deal to be said about a Barry Odom production that hasn't already been covered ad nauseam in previous reviews. Zoulander is another prime example of an inexperienced coach with an inexperienced cast trying to compete alongside far more talented teams with far bigger budgets. Anything Mizzou Studios put(s) out this year will pale in comparison and last week's showing was no exception. Though, a few bright spots can be found.
Newsflash Walter Cronkite, It Wasn't All Bad
· A strong first half effort by an obviously much-improved defense was definitely a bright spot - even though attrition rendered the performance moot by second half.
· Damarea Crockett is so hot right now. Damarea. He and Dimetrios Mason continue to prove they belong in the spotlight. Another solid game for the young stars give this critic the warm optimistic fuzzies.
· Lock did show off his charismatic side by chugging a bottle of water that had been previously thrown at him by a disgruntled South Carolina fan. You know what they say: "moisture is the essence of wetness, and wetness is the essence of beauty"… or whatever.
· A funny moment included head coach Barry Odom stripping DeMontie Cross of his defensive play calling duties and reducing him to henchman status. Sure, Cross was still on the sideline but he was mostly trying to look busy by arbitrarily operating random knobs, levers and clipboards.
Things We Want (or don't want) To See in the Sequel
· The team desperately needs an identity. Barry Odom's influence and leadership needs to be clear from the get-go. Rule with an iron fist if you have to. Spit your latte in an offensive coordinator's face from time to time. Send a clear message: Barry wears the piano key necktie around here!
· Drew Steel needs to overcome his ambi-turner handicap and develop a new look. No more Magnum or Litigra or whatever the hell it's called. If Ben Affleck can rid himself of resting shit-eating grin face, Drew can learn to scan the field.
· Fewer punts. Sorry, Fatony.
· Fewer defensive schemes. Sorry, DeMontie.
· Figure out the role of kicker.
· More Crockett!
· And finally… Merman. (cough, cough) MERMAN!
Summary: Mostly forgettable, Zoulander was not a fun watch. Whether people like it or not, the cast and crew are signed on for a sequel to be released fall of 2017. But don't go writing its eugoogooly just yet. Though it rare for a sequel to surpass its predecessor in quality, I have faith Zoulander 2 will TURN things around with a matured Odom and Lock at the helm. So, I guess we have that to LOOK forward to.
What do you think? Rate the game below using the Smalls-o-meter and find out what the rest of Mizzou Nation thinks.
Rock M Review Ratings
*You're killin' it, Smalls (60% or more Mizzou fans rate the game positively)
*You're killin' me, Smalls (59% or fewer Mizzou fans rate the game positively)
Watch (or don't):
Genre: Comedy | Rated PG-13
Starring: Damarea Crockett, Drew Lock, Corey Fatony, Dimetrios Mason
Produced by: Josh Heupel and DeMontie Cross
Directed by: Barry Odom