The Rock M Combine

Are you the Kentrell Brothers of the RMN community? Prove it. - Brian Spurlock-USA TODAY Sports

In the spirit of the annual NFL combine, I imagine here what an "RMN Combine" might look like. Below are some potential drills. Have any ideas of your own? Share them on the comment thread.

The "Puma Dash"

Purpose: Tests agility and high-step maneuverability.

Rules: Competitor is provided a brand new pair of "Suede Classic" Puma shoes, in bright olympian blue. Competitor must run 40-yd dash through an un-mowed, dew-soaked field on the Francis quad. The score is not based on time, but rather on the ability to limit the wetness of that sweet, sweet blue suede.

Comment: May need to provide emotional support for Bill C. (All that immaculate suede, dampened. Oh the humanity…)

The "Fat Boy Ruse"

Purpose: Tests ability to integrate RMN community activity with your work day.

Rules: Bring laptop, tablet, or smart phone to important meeting. Pretend to be taking notes while really commenting on the RMN daily thread. Your score is how many comments you enter as a function of time.

Comment: Adjusted score ("AdjFBR") will have: 1) the denominator reduced by the amount of time you are asked to talk, and 2) weight factor of 1.25 applied to time you are typing on RMN while your boss or client is staring right at you.

The "Spider Shuttle"

Purpose: Tests quickness to produce politically-charged remarks.

Rules: Drop a politically-charged remark in comments thread. He/she who solicits a warning and/or Spiderman image in the shortest amount of time, wins. In the case of a tie, winner is he/she who gets a thread deleted quickest.

Comment: Bonus points if you start the same argument on multiple threads.

The "Oscar Mayer Gamble"

Purpose: Tests sphincter endurance.

Rules: Competitor must eat ~1 pound of processed hot dog meat at football tailgate, followed by four cups of Lakota’s darkest blend of the day then attend Mizzou football game. The performance score will be how long you make it until trouble brews. Bonus points if you can successfully wait in line (for the, what is it, one toilet?) at Memorial Stadium/Faurot Field.

Comment: Not to be confused with BST’s test for sphincter endurance.

The "Thread-in-Cheek"

Purpose: Tests tolerance for mental frustration, and is a good measure of diplomacy skills.

Rules: For any period of 24 hours overlapping a game and/or eventful day in Mizzou news (rare, I know) the competitor will take every opportunity for snark and replace it with the purist homerism they can muster in a comment thread. Sarcasm font is not allowed.

Comment: Pretty much analogous to the Oscar Mayer Gamble, just a different sphincter.

Example: During a Mizzou basketball game, for every Cullen Van Leer 3-point miss, Mac6uffin could write something like, "I know he missed the rim on that one, but CVL has a really sweet stroke," or after every CVL make he could write, "Glad this guy is getting bigtime minutes. #BombsAwayCVL."

Important Notes

The "Shakin' Crackers" and "Popcorn Toss" drills have been vetoed by the safety committee. The "Click Muscle-Up" drill has been removed in order to maintain state funding for the RMN Combine.

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