clock menu more-arrow no yes mobile

Filed under:

The Good, the Bad and the Ugly of College Football's Opening Weekend

The Lazy Fan's Guide to College Football's Opening Weekend. The one you didn't know you needed.

With the 2016 Football season just six Saturdays away (I know, control yourself just a little more baseball to get through, but baseball is still awesome), we thought it time to bring the Lazy Fan's Guide back to take a way too early look until the season kicks off the first weekend of September. No offense to Hawaii and Cal that play on August 25th, but c'mon, let's be serious. Not to mention the jet lag for both of them, but hey, football in Australia! Drink all the Foster's!

With that in mind we're going to publish one of these every Friday until Week 1 to provide you with an in depth at how the biggest and best games relate to Mizzou and their path to Atlanta for the final SECCG in the Georgia Dome.

Let's take a look at Week 1 (Week 2 will be up on Saturday), chock full of intriguing match-ups ...and some big time garbage.


Week 1 is like your first pass through the buffet line. You're excited, hungry and grab everything in sight. It's not until the second pass where you begin to actually consider your taste buds and what won't have you "roostering" the entirety of the night that follows. Except for sushi, never grab buffet sushi.

Best Game: Ole Miss vs Florida State in Orlando, FL

Sure Ole Miss lost some guys, and sure one of them admitted to taking money after ripping a bong hit that would have made Tommy Chong proud, and sure Hugh Freeze is probably going to get the Rebels in trouble, but for now, they have crazy ass Chad Kelly slinging the ball all over the field and FSU doesn't. FSU will be breaking in a new QB and this is the perfect opportunity for the SEC to show the rest of the nation who's boss.

The game is on Monday night so it's the perfect cherry on top to a tremendous opening weekend of college football. Screw the NFL.

Others in Consideration:

Oklahoma vs Houston
  • You know Mizzou almost ALMOST had Tom Herman come take their job, but he didn't, so, who cares. Still a good game and a great audition for the Cougars for their future Big 12 overlords.
LSU vs Wisconsin
  • LSU has Leonard Fournette and a revitalized Les Miles heading to Green Bay for a neutral site game that's about as neutral as an LSU game at the Super Dome. Like the Ole Miss game, it's an opportunity to start up the S-E-C chant in Big 10 country and really start pissing off the college football at large. Although, it's a shame this game is in week one, as we'd rather watch LSU play at Lambeau when it's like negative forty or something. SEC teams don't travel north, c'mon! Then again, clearly geography isn't the strong point here, 'cause we're in the East.
Texas vs Notre Dame
  • We're not even all that big of Fighting Irish fans (not even a little bit), if at all, but who doesn't like to see Texas get run over (well "technically passed over") to the tune of 38-3? Texas needs to lose so we can start up the "coaching hot seat" rumors really early on, that's always fun. And you can't have week one of college football without a hype video! Apparently it's ABC's first live prime-time Sunday night regular season broadcast (seriously?) Pfft, SEC network all day! Hot take alert: Rudy sucked. Come at me bro!
Game with Playoff Implications: Alabama vs USC

Damn, this is a good game. Also, if we didn't mention Alabama in this post in some way, we'd probably get sued. Honestly, this is a great game, it features the defending National Champion, Lane Kiffin taking the team he tried to destroy and it's in Dallas where everything is bigger. But were Clay Helton's Trojans to pull the upset for a stacked and I mean STACKED 'Bama squad, well the freakout in Tuscaloosa would be massive and the expectations in LA would soar. No biggie for Helton, hey look-it, you get 'Bama for your first game. Also, no more fancy pants! Somewhere, Jack Peglow cries in a corner.

Best Game involving Mizzou: Mizzou vs West Virginia in Morgantown

Mizzou heads to the couch burning capital of the world (College Park, MD a close second) to take on the defensively challenged Mountaineers in game 1 of the Barry Odom era. This game could set the tone for the season and will certainly be overanalyzed (what? we have to analyze stuff now?) by all of us here, but one thing you can count on is that by Noon eastern eleven o'clock central, WVU fans will be black out drunk, so maybe our Tigers can take advantage. Central time is best. But seriously, run the touchdown play, please. A lot.

Best Game involving a Non Mizzou SEC Team: Auburn vs Clemson in Auburn

It's a Tiger on Tiger match-up featuring last year's National Championship runners up from the ACC venturing into SEC country for a night game that could make or break Gus Malzahn's time in Auburn...because SEC fans are nuts and too obsessed with sweet tea and pecan pie.

Worst Game involving a Power 5 Team they should be Embarrassed About: Michigan State vs Furman

I hope Furman is getting a big fat paycheck because they're going to get whooped up upon and they have to go to East Lansing...poor kids. Hell, even 'Bama didn't want to go there, for business reasons, of course. All about the money, folks. And we don't have any of it. People will watch this game...people trapped under newspapers, stuck in line at the DMV or because they're paid to do so (Hi Bill C! How are the Iowa fans treating you these days?).

SEC Team Most Likely to Go Down: Kentucky vs Southern Miss

Kentucky, they're just a year away, ask Bob Stoops! A man who gets raises without actually doing anything to deserve them, sounds like my former assistant..Anyway, this could be the year Kentucky fans really demand results, at least until basketball season starts. But Southern Miss has a strong team returning that went to the Conference USA championship game so watch out Wildcats, the Golden Eagles have a starting QB that can sling it and all you've got is this monstrosity of a trophy.

Will Kansas Win this Week: A game against Rhode Island at home, oh good heavens no! We at the LFG realize Kansas could easily do this with a Mizzou basketball team, but I'll take that bet we win first. Plus, they swear they don't pay attention to us anyway 'cause we're the ones who left or something like that, hopefully we just wrote "screw you Big 12" on a post-it note.

Also, be on the look out for a one off post where we rip apart something fans hold very dear to their schedule posters of the SEC. What the hell has happened we don't know, but we're going to complain about it!

Tune in tomorrow for our preview of week 2 where SEC speed gets put to the test!