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The Lazy Fan’s Guide to Week 6: The Big 12 demands you look at them

NCAA Football - Oklahoma vs Texas - October 8, 2005 Photo by G. N. Lowrance/Getty Images

Week 6: The “EVERYONE LOOK AT THE BIG 12 WEEK….WE MATTER!!! ” week

This week we get a classic rivalry that was once good and the fine folks at ESPN are going to make sure you’re aware of it. But it’s Mizzou bye week so use this time to reconnect with friends and the family who you actually want to talk to, also clean up your leaves, you’re not an animal are you?! Three weeks until Halloween, get to the costume prep!

Best Game: Washington vs Oregon

I bet you thought this would be the Red River Rivalblurrrrrrrrrgh. But it’s not. This is going to be a fun shootout in the Pacific Northwest. Washington has a great team under the former Boise State head coach, clearly he was just tired of playing on the smurf blood-laden field, ranked in the top 25 and are ready to make some noise, noise not heard since the halcyon days of Marques Tuiasosopo. Love that name, too bad he had to go to the Raiders who sucked the life out of him.

Others in consideration:

· Texas vs Oklahoma

FINE! We’ll talk about the carnival of fried everything that acts as the backdrop to one of the more overrated games every year. Listen, I know these teams are historically good and blah blah blah, but we’re not in the Big 12 anymore, so we can pretend to stop caring about this. Just like my brother in law did with dancing. Said he liked it, got married and said never again. (Editor’s note, wait, maybe he meant the getting married part.) Just like me with this game. Also, the trophy is a stupid gold hat, I mean just try a little to not be so Texas okay?!

· Florida State vs Miami

Mark Richt is going to (gonna has been outlawed by kristina) to make all the UGA fans that were tired of his success look silly when he blows up the U again. Irvin is going to be at every game throwing up the U, the Rock will too but come on, what did you do at the U? Go back to fighting with Vin Diesel. Celebrity “feuds” are pointless. Do we care? Anyway, this game should be a blast, scoring, Florida all the things that the Gators refuse to do. (Editor’s note: Aw, I feel bad now for harping on the gonna, ‘twas not serious! (Well, it’s way down on the list from shorthand text typing.) I’d be way less angry if I could have the friggin’ html view back, okay?!?!

Game with Playoff Implications: Michigan State vs BYU

Right now BYU is putting together it’s nicest power point presentation to present to the Big 12, but they better get their head on straight because a trip to East Lansing is not easy, not ever. And remember, no one wants to go there anyway, it’s probably like And Michigan State has to take this seriously, because you know, football. ‘Cause there’s probably a nice early exit from the tourney awaiting the basketball team. Really there’s not much to get excited about here but whatever.

Others in consideration

· Maryland vs Penn State

These teams have played some of the more boring games in the Terps’ short time in the B1G, but a lot of my friends went there, as did the Mrs. (though she’s not reading this) so I thought why not highlight the Terps. Huh, we’re so fancy even our spouses don’t pay attention to what we do. They’ll probably lose, but they have a good basketball team, so you should make it a point to watch that. MELO!

Best Game involving Mizzou: Mizzou vs BYE WEEK

We’re on a break!!! Just be thankful this bye isn’t in November or end of October or I’d jam a Mizzou basketball game down your throat, and that my friends is cruel and unusual punishment, unless they’re playing in Italy. We really should get paid to watch them. Not like they’re about to pay for our hot takes on SEC football. They are the opposite of Leonard Fournette, they make me so so sad…Be better damn it, you’re killing Sam and I (editor’s note: us!)! One day we’ll be back in the actual tourney, one day. I miss the “Mizzou wins it all” bracket entry.

Best Game involving a Non Mizzou SEC Team: LSU vs Florida

This was easy, since Mizzou doesn’t play anyone this week…like at all. So as has been the case for two years, I’m all in on Leonard Fournette, that man makes me excited to be alive. And Florida has a not terrible defense, so this should be fun to see him run all over Gainesville…LITERALLY.

Worst Game involving a Power 5 Team they should be Embarrassed About: Illinois vs Purdue

We’re in the part of the season where there’s not much Power 5 on directional college action, so we’re going to use this space to make fun of Purdue. They are quite bad, so, so bad. Bill C said so. See, we’re good little minions who read all the content. And we ask again, how are those Iowa fans treating you? So way to go Lovie Smith, beating up on the sad train all for the glorification of his MASSIVE ego. Hey, he was a coach for that NFL team St. Louis had. Back when they were actually kind of decent, well, minus that losing to New England thing.

SEC Team Most Likely to Go Down: Tennessee vs Texas A&M

The Vols and their creamsicle turn down for what fans aren’t coming back from Kyle Field with a Win, no sir! Plus, bomb pops are so much better. Where’s the adult focused boozy snow cone truck? Really I don’t want to pull for A&M for what they did to us by allowing the Bow Tie wearing man onto our campus, but I like UT less and so do you. Know that the Aggies and their little team of transfers will roll and there will be tears my friends, voluntears…

Late Night Game of the Week to Avoid Your Family and Friends because they disappoint you: Utah State vs Colorado State

So it’s Saturday night and your friend demands to throw you a birthday party that is secretly a welcome home party for his brother, what do you do? You sulk and watch this game. This may or may not be autobiographical for me back in 2012, but it’s irrelevant! Either way, this game should be fun to watch while you sulk in a corner. Talk about killing two birds with one stone. It’s Chris’ party and he’ll sulk if he wants to! Just don’t let him loose around your phones.

Notre Dame Game of the Week so we can Trash Talk Them: NC State vs Notre Dame

You know who I miss, Chuck Amato, the former head coach of NC State. He always wore those skater shades that weren’t totally hip but still fun, and he put the fun in football. Winning is fun, too. You know what’s not fun? South Bend in Indiana, like Notre Dame just boring and unpleasant…though I’ve never actually been there. Go Wolfpack! Also one of the best 30 for 30 I’ve seen probably, wait that’s basketball. Still, though, go watch it if you haven’t.

Will Kansas win this Week: The Jayhawks play the Horned Frogs from Texas Christian, which is weird, that a religious school would have a mascot that is “ready” at all times. Either way, they’re going to give Kansas as severe a spankering that they’ve had this season. Get your popcorn ready and enjoy!

That will do it for Week 6, we’re half way done! Come back next week for more silliness and more ways for you to make fun of the fans of the Notre Dame people in your life.