The Lazy Fan’s Guide to Week 8

The past few years have been very basebally at this time in Missouri with the Royals and Cardinals challenging for the World Series (even though the World is North America, but details) and their games have been going through this part of the year. But this year, that’s over, it’s football time so you can put away your rivalry and focus on hating each other for other reasons, like who has worse pizza or barbecue.

Best Game: Ole Miss vs LSU

If anyone is going to dethrone the Tide in the West (and the SEC for that matter) it’s going to be one of these two teams. LSU has got the freight train known as Leonard Fournette and Ole Miss has potentially the best QB (and party boy) in the conference in Chad Kelly. This game determines who challenges Nick Saban and the Sabaniacs. This should be a terrific game to enjoy in prime time on Saturday night. It’s what SEC football is all about, dominance and showing off and drinking all the vodka-infused sweet tea.

Others in consideration:

· Boise State vs BYU

At this point, one, both or neither of these teams could be in the Big 12, who knows?! Wonder who Dan Beebe would pick? Anyway, this is a Thursday night affair, a late night kick off and it’s going to be a barn burner. Both teams can score, so do yourself a favor and do a shot for each touchdown scored, I promise you, that there will be no work for you the next day…you just may wake up somewhere and/or with someone you don’t recognize.

Game with Playoff Implications: Ohio State vs Penn State

Penn State is a lot like Nebraska. Good 20 years ago? Check. Obnoxious fans that probably didn’t go to the school? Indeed. Boring play? Indubitably. That all said, this is a good match-up. Urban Meyer knows what he’s doing and James Franklin seems to have gotten things moved in the right direction. Watch the Buckeyes who if they can get past this game should be cruising until their tilt against Michigan.

Others in consideration

· Wisconsin vs Iowa

Iowa looked damned competent last year after many, many years of bleh after the last time they were good. (If only Bill C. would recognize this fact, right?) So this should be another nice Big 10 matchup to enjoy on your Saturday morning (no doubt in our mind this is an 11 AM kickoff). Wisconsin wants to sneak into the playoffs and should they get by a tough first few weeks, they could be knocking on the door.

Best Game involving Mizzou: Mizzou vs Middle Tennessee State

IT’S A TRAP! This is where SEC scheduling makes me want to throw myself through a screen door…on purpose. That time I ran through it in the dark, not on purpose. Again, where’s the back story here? Anyway, let’s just force everyone to play 4 Power 5 games in the Non Con so that we don’t have to see this game at the end of October when we should be watching us play someone like State or Auburn. That all said, this is going to be a tough one, so focus up Mizzou, welcome home and let’s TCOB. Hopefully they don’t have really shiny helmets.

Best Game involving a Non Mizzou SEC Team: Texas A&M vs Alabama

This is not the best SEC game on the docket, but damn it, we don’t like repeating ourselves here. (We don’t?) Anyway, Alabama needs to keep it rolling so that the Tide can have a chance to make the playoffs. And you know what happens if they win? Nick Saban in his letterman’s jacket. What in the name of Roy Kramer is that all about? It’s like he didn’t get one in highschool and wants to relive some glory days that didn’t happen. Anyway, go Aggies, we came into this SEC world together and damn it, it’s time to show out!

Worst Game involving a Power 5 Team they should be Embarrassed About: Vanderbilt vs Tennessee State

We get it Vandy, you really need to think you’re relevant in the state and since you can’t beat UT and you get beat by Middle Tennessee, I guess Tennessee State is the most logical choice. Hopefully the braniacs at Vandy stroked a big fat check to Tennessee State that will be used on something important, like hot tubs for the football team after they upset Vanderbilt! Your court is still stupid Vandy, infuriatingly stupid.

SEC Team Most Likely to Go Down: UMass vs South Carolina

Do you ever wonder how many shirts exist on UMass’ campus that just say “UAss”? I bet it’s less than you’d think. Anyway, I would say Mizzou is vulnerable, but f that, reality be damned. No one’s thrilled about Muschamp, much less the SCar fans, so at this point in the season they could be in full rebellion mode. The Cockabooses will be rocking! UMass wins and Coach Cal somehow finds a way to get this game vacated 12 years from now. UMass has a football team?

Late Night Game of the Week to Avoid Your Family and Friends because they disappoint you: Fresno State vs Utah State

Who doesn’t love the big group dinner? Right? RIGHT?! A bunch of couples sitting around a table in some loud restaurant and all you’re hoping for is that you don’t end up next to Lisa’s awful and boring new boyfriend Kurt.(Editor’s note - true story, Lisa always has a new boyfriend) That dude sucks. Then the check comes and the nightmare begins. No, what you should do is slide your way to the bar find the largest human being you can and hide their shadow. Get a nice Porter (it is after dinner you know) and enjoy Utah State, the less weird younger brother of Utah.

Notre Dame Game of the Week so we can Trash Talk Them: BYE

Notre Dame does not play this week, they’re on a bye, which I’m sorry they should not be allowed to have. They don’t play in a conference, have their own network and backdoor their way into the Playoffs, and they need a bye?! Outrageous. Really, Notre Dame is Kramer, just falling ass backwards into good things even though they are the worst. Is this where we can bash Seinfeld and really get into an argument? Wait, never saw it.

Will Kansas win this Week: Ha, no sir. True ‘tis a home game, but does it really count if no one shows up? I think not. No the Pokes from Oklahoma State are coming in and they will make as little effort as needed to win this game, so about the amount of effort it would take chew gum and walk at the same time…which we know can be complicated for Jayhawks.

That’s week 8, which was great, life on a plate, say good night to your mate. And no, don’t ask why we feel the need to rhyme, at least some of the time. (Ugh, try the veal)