Welcome back to the Road to Atlanta! We dive straight into week 3 this week with some delightful games and some that make you want to barf! Just like those nights when white castles and tequila shots sound like an amazing idea.
Week 3: The "Hey, it’s just two weeks, we’ll get em in conference play" week
The Good, the Bad and the Ugly of College Football's Opening Weekend
The Lazy Fan's Guide to College Football's Opening Weekend. The one you didn't know you needed.
So the first two weeks have not been kind to your favorite team, so what?! Maybe you lost to a directional college or a school that has a state in its name, but not the good kind, or maybe you even lost a home game to the candy cane nightmare from the state of Indiana. Stupid shiny helmets. Fans just have to have crazy opinions over helmets. Just make everything semi-gloss chartreuse and be done with it. Fear not! Those games don’t count in the long run if you’re a Power 5 school, they’re mere details! Just relax and realize there’s another cupcake to take advantage of and if conference play hasn’t started, don’t worry, it soon will and that’s what really matters. And be sure to keep repeating this to yourself, it’ll make the booze go down easier. And let's face it kids, that's the end game.
Best Game: Ohio State vs Oklahoma
It’s still early in the season and that means we still get these delightfully entertaining (on paper) non-conference games where fans who really want to associate their self-worth off of the actions of college students playing football can feast. And what a feast! Two teams that will be fighting for a Playoff berth where a win could carry them over the hump of a random October loss to a Northwestern or Kansas State, it’s got it all. Two great college football minds who when they lose look like pathetic humans, what could be better? Pizza Hut’s calling for you Urban… Where do we vote for the meteor here, though? Not saying watching two really good teams is bad, but meh to the fan bases.
Others in consideration:
Notre Dame vs Michigan State
Notre Dame is back and so are their fake girlfriends! Remember when Notre Dame was irrelevant and consistently losing to Navy? Yeah, I miss those days…Not like Mizzou fans have any bad memories about Navy or anything but we digress. Anyway, if either of these teams want to have a chance at a paying bowl game or even the playoffs, this is the kind of game they have to win. Unless you’re Notre Dame and the belief that you’re America’s team persists based on outdated facts and figures and then you only have to win what, 4 games to be in the Orange Bowl? (Editor's note, ex-HHKB is not a fan of the Irish, if you didn't already know that having, of course, read our previous post last week.)
Oregon vs Nebraska
Nebraska went to a bowl game last year with a pathetic record, and they managed to beat UCLA, call it the Snoop Dog hangover. Thankfully Missouri didn’t embarrass themselves by taking some pity bowl invite that would have been infuriating, it’s bad enough the Tigers have to earn their way to Shreveport. Anyway, this game should be interesting since Mike Reilly once worked near the big O. So familiarity I suppose. Nebraska fans of course are the worst so root for the Ducks and whatever silly day-glo uniforms they're going to showcase.
Game with Playoff Implications: Alabama vs Ole Miss
There’s been so much talk about the gun totting maniac that plays Quarterback for Ole Miss that you’d think he was the second coming of Y.A Title (look him up and get off my lawn, IT’S CALLED
AN ENCYCLOPEDIA GOOGLE). But Alabama is Alabama and even if they’re not rated the greatest college football team of all time (the Shula years will do that to you) they’re still the most talented every year it seems, like Kentucky in basketball, just without (thankfully) Ashley Judd. Obnoxious celebrity fans are the worst. However, that all said, Alabama just can’t seem to beat Ole Miss. It’s weird, almost as if they have some power over Nick Saban, at least until he sacrifices a baby sheep on Halloween or something. A loss in week 3 to Ole Miss won’t kill their season, but be warned, if the Tide loses to the Akbars, who's going to stop the Rebs?
Others in consideration: Florida State vs Louisville
Listen, there’s not much in Week 3 that’s gonna get your heart racing so you’ve got this. Lay off, we’re doing our best here. Florida State, by week 3 could have their quarterback situation resolved and if that happens, watch out! We at the LFG love quarterback drama. Well, outside of Mizzou. I mean, hell, trying to google this game brings up zika and bug spray so even the internet doesn't care, and when has the internet ever not cared?
Best Game involving Mizzou: Mizzou vs Georgia
Mizzou opens the conference season in week 3 because that’s what the SEC does. These games have either been very entertaining (2012, 2013) or really horrid (2014, 2015), so hopefully we’re in for entertaining again. If anyone can tell me what Maty Mauk was doing in 2014, I’d love to hear it, or we'll just wait until the video comes out. Uh, too soon? Anyway, this game’s at home, it’s at night and you know we’re bringing out black jerseys and gold pants…at least we better be, or Peglow is going to start a revolt. This should be a telling game for Barry Odom and what kind of team he has. Prediction: Drew Lock throws for 10 touchdowns and kristina DVRs the game because the Cardinals have a game against the Brewers or something. (Editor's note: Damn it. This is what I get for always being second to the party!)
Best Game involving a Non Mizzou SEC Team: Texas A&M vs Auburn
As stated in previous weeks, both these schools fans want to fire their head coach or so help me god they’re going to make a giant scene and rant on message boards the internet all over. Will either of these teams challenge in 2016, well someone has to win, so someone could look better than the other. And a note to the A&M coaching staff, maybe try designing a play that works on offense and not spend so much time subtweeting recruits and acting like sexist jerks, but you know, do you. And what the hell is the point of subtweeting? Have all the transfers stopped at A&M?
Worst Game involving a Power 5 Team they should be Embarrassed About: Clemson vs South Carolina State
Seriously? Clemson, really? You were just in the championship game, what 8 months ago, and this is how you’re challenging yourself in week 3? Honestly, if you’re in the playoff the year before you should have to only play power 5 schools the next season in the non-con. What, was Purdue too busy? And where even the hell is Orangeburg? (Rhetorical question, folks, remember, we're lazy) I weep for your children, their children and the space monster’s children who will inhabit our world in 100 years. It's like Childhood's End.
SEC Team Most Likely to Go Down: South Carolina vs East Carolina
Speaking of a South Carolina team, the one from our conference (that I can only assume Clemson thought they were scheduling, lazy ass scheduler makes one little mistake) could be in for a tough time when they face the Pirates of ECU. I love ECU’s field, helmet and uniform. Dowdy–Ficklen Stadium, I mean that's got SEC written all over it.
Will Kansas win this Week: Against Memphis?! Listen, even without Fuente and Odom there, they still have a defense that is going to feast on the buckle shoes. Good job last year, scoring 23 points. Too bad Memphis put up about thirty or so more. Hell, why didn't Clemson just schedule them?
That’ll do it for week 3, come back tomorrow when we get more in depth as the Fall comes even closer...and the hope that someday, just maybe, someone makes an actual "tastes just like pumpkin" pumpkin beer. But we know better, it's just not going to happen.