Fast & Missourious 6 (Sometimes 7)

Sports have many narrative similarities to your favorite TV shows like Game of Thrones or a soap-opera like Days of Our Lives. The bigger events like Conference Championships or Bowl Games can feel like blockbuster movies. Rock M Reviewsis a series designed to treat Mizzou Football games like a film critic would your favorite show or movie. This fall, Alec Blome has agreed to review Missouri Football games in that spirit for Rock M Nation.

[Editor's note: If this week's review seems a bit brief we apologize. Sometimes serious life events take precedence.]

Plot Summary

After recent tragedy, a football team reassembles to take down a group of Eagles from Eastern Michigan. It's fast. It's furious. It takes place in Missouri. It's Fast & Missourious!

My Review

4 Stars (out of 5) "You're killin' it, Smalls"

A game such as this aches for gratuitous puns and an endless string of overused clickbait phrases. Rather than littering this entire review with them as a proper critic would; I feel it best to get them out of the way early. So, here you go.

"Drew Lock battens down the hatches in this explosive, non-stop, high-octane tour-de-force of a crackerjack thrill-ride which kicks down the door of conventional action-wisdom and delivers a refreshing gut-punch to your funny bone, leaving you more-or-less satisfied, yet thirsty for ROAR!"

Aright! This review is starting to feel pretty damn legit, don't you think? You know what else was pretty damn legit? That Missouri Tigers offense, that's what.

@AlecBlome

Going into this game we all knew (sort of) how it would play out. The tried-and-true "heroes always win and blow shit up" formula is common in this fare. I mean, the big-budget ensemble of good guys predictably prevailing over the "there because a story needs an antagonist" bad guy while, more importantly, looking cool while doing so is the sole reason for watching. Am I right or am I right? (*Looking cool = uber-attractive people in tight pants hitting things or people fast and hard for a couple hours while people cheer them on)

To be honest, I don't feel as though this type of game warrants a deep-dive dissection. How about some notes instead?

Johnathon Johnson (5 rec, 115 yds, TD and a 54 yd punt return TD) showcased his star-making talent. Drew Lock (450 yds, 5 TDs) shined. Josh Augusta is a big bad big man.

pic.twitter.com/G0QdHcweGG

— David Morrison (@DavidCMorrison) September 11, 2016

Ray Wingo (3 rec, 125 yds, TD), Emanuel Hall (3 rec, 90 yds, TD) and Dimetrios Mason (5 rec, 51 yds) burst onto the scene in a big way. Damarea Crockett (68 yds, TD) will be good. Aarion Penton got hurt. Mizzou scored a lot of touchdowns (9) and sometimes converted the extra point (7/9). M-I-Z!

Traditionally this is where I would insert a clip or highlight just for you but, uhh, not today. How about another poster?

@AlecBlome

Mizzou wins: 61-21

Summary:

Blockbuster blowouts are not for everybody. More predictable than Vin Diesel taking off his shirt in every movie is the pretentious cynic who will inevitably scoff at the lowbrow premise while rolling their eyes at a fun-first experience like Fast & Missourious 6. I get it. It's not an important, serious, gripping drama like we typically see late in the year. It was never going down as a classic for the ingredients (a formidable villain, a grueling obstacle to overcome, good defense, etc.) simply were not there. FM6 is just stupid fun and I relished every roarin' minute of it.

@AlecBlome

What do you think? Rate the game below using the Smalls-o-meter and find out what the rest of Mizzou Nation thinks.

Rock M Review Ratings

You're killin' it, Smalls (60% or more Mizzou fans rate the game positively)

You're killin' me, Smalls (59% or fewer Mizzou fans rate the game positively)

Genre: Action, crime, thriller | Rated PG-13 (for being so damn fast)

Starring: Drew Lock, Johnathan Johnson, Aarion Penton, Ray Wingo, Damarea Crockett, Corey Fatony

Featuring: The Juggerblock (Josh Augusta)

Josh Heupel and DeMontie Cross

Directed by: Barry Odom