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The Lazy Fan’s Guide to Week 4 of SEC football

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We’re back with the best commentary for your SEC Saturday

defcon

Hey, look it’s The Lazy Fan’s Guide to the SEC, we’re back after a two week hiatus.

Why the need/desire for the hiatus? Well, the loss to West Virginia was just too much for us to handle. You see when you lose to a wannabe SEC or ACC school that accepted an invitation to the Big 12 to replace you and you lose, well that’s going to sting. But really, stuff just went sideways in the world of Lazy Fan Central. Now though, the wine is back flowing, beer’s in the fridge and we’re ready to accept the wonder that is Fall Football. That’s right, no matter the temperature Fall (or Autumn if that’s your thing, although you probably think pumpkin spice everything is fine) is here and that’s when Football, especially College Football, takes center stage. The shine off the sun as your favorite team warms up before an evening game is just different than what you get on the Saturday of Labor Day Weekend, those 11:00 AM kickoffs now have that extra crisp in the air that makes you take that extra nip at your friendly neighborhood tailgate, and the ever elusive 2:30 PM CBS kickoff comes with a game that starts in the waning light of day and concludes as the night has gripped College Town USA. It’s truly the greatest football time of year, let’s celebrate its majesty as we dive into this week’s match-ups.

To the records!

Picker Overall Records
kristina 7 Wins, 6 Losses
Chris Bohkay 7 Wins, 6 Losses

Well we just got over that hump in our own way, but Week 1 in the SEC was crazy…State lost to whatever school that was, Tennessee (the greatest team of all time) almost got App Stated, and Ole Miss got shredded by a freshman quarterback. So we’re going to do better this week and every week going forward. We would never want to lead you astray or have you screaming out our names in a fit of rage…actually, maybe we would. Anyway, enough about three weeks ago, lets focus on the present.

To the games!

Home Team Road Team Game Time Network Watch Online
#1 Alabama Kent State 11:00 AM SEC Network WatchESPN

We’re back living in a world where Alabama is number 1 and already looks unstoppable. I mean it’s boring and somewhat predictable, but hey, people from Alabama need routine I’m told, and I’m not one to deviate anyone from their routine. Like you, the reader. At this point you’ve glazed over and are only reading this because it’s this or another session of you screaming about the stupidity of a TV version of Lethal Weapon.

Scale of Watchability: SEC Defcon 4. It’s not the worst use of your time, but this game directly conflicts with a better game, so have this on your tablet or Nick Saban will eat your soul.

kristina: Not sure I even want to look up the spread on this one. Aren’t all tv versions of prior movies kind of crap? What’s with all the remakes/rehashes anyway? Way to be original. Not even remotely interested in the Exorcist. Boring............

Chris: You know who went to Kent State right? Nick Saban. You know who else went to Kent State? Gary Pinkel. I know, I’ve just dropped some breaking news on you. Some may think that little Nicky would show some restraint in this game it being against his alma matter and everything, but that’s not Nick. Nick is going to show this world what a man of will is really like. He’s going to burn Kent State to the ground and leave but one witness to share the story of the day, to take it back to MAC headquarters so they know and fear the name, Nicholas Lou Saban Jr.

Home Team Road Team Game Time Network Watch Online
#23 Ole Miss #12 Georgia 11:00 AM ESPN WatchESPN

So let’s just not talk about the bulldogs ‘cause we’re not still ticked about last week at all, nope, not one little bit. Ole Miss has this “score a bunch of points and then blow it to all hell” thing down so far this year. Trouble finishing we suppose. (Insert however many “TWSS” jokes you want here, folks) I mean, you beat Wofford, so you have that going for you.

Scale of Watchability: SEC Defcon 3. Should be a close game, but if you’re not over last week’s loss, do you really want to watch Georgia right now?

kristina: It’s all my fault, clearly I’m not to watch Georgia games live. Didn’t see the first half, watched the second. I’m clearly doing this all wrong.

Chris: These two teams are WILDLY overrated. That’s right I said it. Were it not for a complete inability to manage a game (turnovers schmurnovers), Georgia would be coming off a loss and I wouldn’t have gotten all angry Saturday night before my flight out of America’s Stinky Butt. Anyway, both teams seem wounded, but it’s a home game in Mississippi and that means Chad Kelly hasn’t slept in 6 days and is ready to explode in a shower of touchdowns and depravity. There is no Chubb.

Home Team Road Team Game Time Network Watch Online
#14 Tennessee #19 Florida 2:30 PM CBS CBS Video

It’s the SEC on CBS. Cue the theme song, get Gary Danielson a big glass of shut the hell up and someone wake up Uncle Verne! It’s the game that the SEC and its fans have been demanding since Mizzou won the SEC East in 2013 and again in 2014, TRADITIONAL POWERS RANKED PAWWWWWWWWWWWWL! Anyway, this is a good game on paper…lucky for us, we live in a digital world, no matter what your weird uncle says. Not a bad start to the afternoon.

Scale of Watchability: SEC Defcon 2. Why not 1? I understand your concern but this game, which looks good, is going to make the world around you insufferable. Twitter will suck, whatever bar you may be in will suck, just a lot of suck. Not the suck in terrible, but all the air will be removed as if some giant windbag of Nebraska fan level annoyance will pervade everything surrounding this game.

kristina: Can I vote for a tie? Just to make things offset a bit, I’ll take Tennessee. To be fair, outside of Mizzou games I’ve barely watched a lick of SEC football this season. Silly later than normal kiddo soccer games killing everything.

Chris: Man…this game, this f’ing game. Some sort of offense versus some sort of defense and 11 years of orange and white ineptitude. And on top of that Game Day is there. Heaven help me and bring on Delaware State. The game is in Knoxville where they no longer third down for what and all that means is that Florida is gonna win and barf. I can’t wait until this game is over.

Home Team Road Team Game Time Network Watch Online
Mississippi State Umass 3:30 PM ESPN3 WatchESPN

So UMass is hosting this game, yet State is wearing Patriots-inspired uniforms? (whatever the hell that means) Does this mean they’re going to cheat? Pretty sure cowbells aren’t the norm in Foxborough. Again, why can’t these games be played later in the season when snow could possibly be involved. That’d be funny as hell.

Scale of Watchability: SEC Defcon 5. Pretty much the standard when you’re not on an actual station.

kristina: Bulldogs. Not that anyone cares? (hmm, about this game or my picks?) Good call.

Chris: This game can’t even get on the SEC’s alternate network. Nope, it’s strictly internet available. Now, you’d think hey, State, easy right? Well yeah, it is, I don’t care that State lost to some random school, this is still UMass and John Calipari ain’t coaching the football team. Side with State and Clanga Clanga until your brain breaks.

Home Team Road Team Game Time Network Watch Online
Mizzou Delaware State 3:00 PM SEC Network WatchESPN

As a fan, we’re programmed to say no games are guaranteed and anything can happen. Well fan, this isn’t the case when talking about Mizzou and Delaware State. Mizzou is gonna roll them like a barrel going down Niagra Falls. And Delaware State at the end of this game is going to look like someone who went over the Falls in a barrel, beaten, bloody and rethinking all their life choices that brought them to this moment in time.

Scale of Watchability: Defcon 3. I love Mizzou and I will make every effort to watch this game, but it’s gonna be a massacre. Still, Mizzou winning and doing it in a fun way makes for good TV.

kristina: Mizzou. No stupid turnovers please. A stomping sounds fun. Why wouldn’t a Mizzou fan want to watch that?

Chris: Mizzou, you entertaining Tigers you. Throwing the ball around, getting sacks and hurries, man it’s almost like you became a real team! Now run the ball in not a Big 10, circa 1980 Chicago Bears style and we’ll all be happier. Delaware State, cash that check and let us never speak of this again.

Home Team Road Team Game Time Network Watch Online
Vanderbilt Western Kentucky 3:30 PM CBS Sports Network CBS Video

Vanderbilt just isn’t having a great start to the year. Their one win was to a middle directional school and they managed a whole seven points last game. (Yes, we find this funny as well.) Clearly Mason lost his special little defensive play cheat sheet or whatever that was. WKU has been pretty awesome with 300+ yards offense a game.

Scale of Watchability: SEC Defcon 3. I mean, if you’re bored a little bit, the upset bid sounds fun. Can you just be a little bit bored? We’re all just more unique special little snowflakes, or something like that.

kristina: One of these days, I’ll be somewhat prompt and on the ball and beat Chris to the punch here so I don’t see his picks first. Either way, Western Kentucky, why the hell not?

Chris: There was a day, sometime back when someone in Nashville thought this was a good idea (probably the same ass that designed their court! Hey basketball’s almost here…). And that seemingly good idea is about to bite them in the boat driving a$$. Western Kentucky gets the upset and their weird mascot gesticulates in a way that makes us all uncomfortable. Anchor down, right through your boat Vandy! I hate that you hired Bryce Drew…SO JEALOUS!

Home Team Road Team Game Time Network Watch Online
Auburn #18 LSU 5:00 PM ESPN WatchESPN

You know what happens in this game when its over right? Apparently someone is getting fired and then Art Briles, Bobby Petrino and Lane Kiffen all get hired to be the loser’s new coach. Don’t believe me? Just ask the media. I hope that Auburn loses so Lane ends up at Auburn. Can you imagine that next year during the Iron Bowl?! Oh that would be glorious.

Scale of Watchability: Defcon 2. I mean something has to give right? Les vs Gus. Tiger vs Tiger Eagle Hybrid. It’s got it all people! But you’re watching the Mizzou game so stream this and once our game gets out of hand (mid first quarter) maybe make the switch.

kristina: I’m going to say LSU but really not sure on this one. I need to watch more football, clearly. (Hey, we have space on the DVR!)

Chris: I still love Lenny Fournette and have much faith in Les, so I’m sticking with the Purple Tigers. Also, they have a real Tiger and all Auburn has is a bird that may or may not use this moment to escape the clutches of the toilet paper throwers and heads to wherever it is that eagles go once they are free of their human overlords…

Home Team Road Team Game Time Network Watch Online
Kentucky South Carolina 6:30 PM SEC Network WatchESPN

It’s early in the season, but reading up on this game it seems to have a “well, the team that doesn’t suck the worst will win” vibe. Not to mention throwing it into google also, as a top return, features an article about the random clowns showing up lately. Guess the clowns have won the internet. (Not that they haven’t owned it since the beginning: see every comment section ever.)

Scale of Watchability: SEC Defcon 4. Watch it ‘cause football, but there’s probably a Die Hard rerun on or something. (Too soon for a Christmas movie?)

kristina: For entertainment’s sake, Kentucky.

Chris: Bring on the two teams that probably think they’re better than Mizzou but aren’t! Honestly, the only notice I’ll give to this game is to see who won. And I guess that’s South Carolina. Don’t worry your little heads Wildcats, basketball is a but a week away and you can forget all about this silly little game with the oblong balls that go through big Hs.

Home Team Road Team Game Time Network Watch Online
#10 Texas A&M #17 Arkansas 8:00 PM ESPN WatchESPN

Well will you look at this! After three weeks both former Southwestern Conference members are undefeated and ready to spend time over the next few weeks saying that they’re as good, if not better than their SEC Western boss Bama. You’re not. But A&M and Arky have had some fun games in neutral site venues so let’s hope this game matches up to the past.

Scale of Watchability: SEC Defcon 1. Put on the blinders, pour the bourbon and strap in for the SEC game of the week.

kristina: Yeah, I have to agree with my fellow lazy fan, I have no love for anything Arky. So by default, A&M.

Chris: Man, I really don’t like either of these teams and when the season’s all over I’m guessing the pollsters won’t either. Being 10 and 17 the second to last Saturday in September just doesn’t do much for me. That all said, I think A&M gets the win because honestly, I have no idea. Arkansas and Bert both bug me. Both are big, red and boring, basically the opposite of Clifford. He was so big, he had no idea…ah youth.

And there you have it, the week in the SEC and the most in depth and important preview you’ll read.

Have a great Saturday and enjoy the games and pageantry that only college football can bring.