After Truman Castle's house is burned down by a pack of rabid bulldogs, he unleashes his wrath upon the first thing he sees: a swarm of hornets from Delaware.
3 Stars (out of 5) "You're killin' it, Smalls"
This was an anticlimactic shoot-em up with zero message and even fewer "give-a-shits." I didn't hate it. I didn't love it. I didn't fully understand the point of it.
"But Alec, Drew Lock's mesmerizing performance was Heisman worthy. I mean, bro, he had 402 yards and 5 touchdowns… at the half!"
Yea, I don't think that means what you think it means, bro.
"Mizzou put up a team-record 79 points! 79, brah. 79!"
Again, I don't think that means what you think it means.
"Dude, 79, am I right? Uh huh huh. Nice."
That definitely does not mean what you think it means. Wait, what the hell do you think "79" means? (Please don't @ me)
Anyway, I can't for the life of me scrounge up enough effort to over-analyze what amounts to nothing more than a bargain bin find at your local Walmart. Any statistic birthed from this game comes with one mighty big asterisk: *FCS. But, I'm here to do a "job", so… here you go.
Why This Game Was Worth Watching
1) A much needed palette cleanse
2) Points are nice
3) 79 points are nicer
4) Clay Travis
5) Doubles as the rare Anti Anti-Bullying campaign video
6) SEVENTY-NINE, BRAH!
Why It Wasn't
1) It was Delaware State (see Roger Sherman)
Delaware State went 1-10 last year with a 1-point win over another team that went 1-10. Here's what happens when they play an SEC team pic.twitter.com/ZD8NAzNe4g— Rodger Sherman (@rodger_sherman) September 24, 2016
Summary: Unnecessary, yet fun… up to a point. Like, point 58. But I don't want to judge. If you enjoy sitting down for 3 hours while your buddy defeats Mario Bros. on invincible STAR mode then this was the game for you. 5 stars, am I right? Though, if you find that particular act of "recreation" repulsive after no more than five minutes, you probably won't care much for what Saturday's exhibition had to offer. I fall somewhere in between. Hence, my 3 star rating.
Visual Summary: (Third-string tight end punishes defender in 2nd quarter following first-career reception)
What do you think? Rate the game below using the Smalls-o-meter and find out what the rest of Mizzou Nation thinks.
Rock M Review Ratings
*You're killin' it, Smalls (60% or more Mizzou fans rate the game positively)
*You're killin' me, Smalls (59% or fewer Mizzou fans rate the game positively)
Genre: Action revenge smut| Rated NC-79 (for running up the score and countless brogasms)
Starring: Truman the Tiger
Featuring: Tyler Hanneke
Produced by: Josh Heupel and DeMontie Cross
Directed by: Barry Odom