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Punisher: War Zo(u)ne

"79, brah. 79!"

Plot Summary

After Truman Castle's house is burned down by a pack of rabid bulldogs, he unleashes his wrath upon the first thing he sees: a swarm of hornets from Delaware.

My Review

3 Stars (out of 5) "You're killin' it, Smalls"

This was an anticlimactic shoot-em up with zero message and even fewer "give-a-shits." I didn't hate it. I didn't love it. I didn't fully understand the point of it.

"But Alec, Drew Lock's mesmerizing performance was Heisman worthy. I mean, bro, he had 402 yards and 5 touchdowns… at the half!"

Yea, I don't think that means what you think it means, bro.

"Mizzou put up a team-record 79 points! 79, brah. 79!"

Again, I don't think that means what you think it means.

"Dude, 79, am I right? Uh huh huh. Nice."

That definitely does not mean what you think it means. Wait, what the hell do you think "79" means? (Please don't @ me)

Anyway, I can't for the life of me scrounge up enough effort to over-analyze what amounts to nothing more than a bargain bin find at your local Walmart. Any statistic birthed from this game comes with one mighty big asterisk: *FCS. But, I'm here to do a "job", so… here you go.

Why This Game Was Worth Watching

1) A much needed palette cleanse

2) Points are nice

3) 79 points are nicer

4) Clay Travis

5) Doubles as the rare Anti Anti-Bullying campaign video

6) SEVENTY-NINE, BRAH!

Why It Wasn't

1) It was Delaware State (see Roger Sherman)

Summary: Unnecessary, yet fun… up to a point. Like, point 58. But I don't want to judge. If you enjoy sitting down for 3 hours while your buddy defeats Mario Bros. on invincible STAR mode then this was the game for you. 5 stars, am I right? Though, if you find that particular act of "recreation" repulsive after no more than five minutes, you probably won't care much for what Saturday's exhibition had to offer. I fall somewhere in between. Hence, my 3 star rating.

Visual Summary: (Third-string tight end punishes defender in 2nd quarter following first-career reception)

What do you think? Rate the game below using the Smalls-o-meter and find out what the rest of Mizzou Nation thinks.

Rock M Review Ratings

*You're killin' it, Smalls (60% or more Mizzou fans rate the game positively)

*You're killin' me, Smalls (59% or fewer Mizzou fans rate the game positively)

Watch:

Genre: Action revenge smut| Rated NC-79 (for running up the score and countless brogasms)

Starring: Truman the Tiger

Featuring: Tyler Hanneke

Produced by: Josh Heupel and DeMontie Cross

Directed by: Barry Odom