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The Lazy Fan’s Guide to Week 7 of the SEC

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It’s Homecoming!!!!

defcon

Welcome back readers to another fun filled thrill ride of information overload you don’t need and quite possibly don’t want. This week the SEC has paired down its games and we have a fantastically furious five. That should make this the most well thought out piece we’ve done this season, less work, better quality. That’s typically how this goes. We’ve been doing well this season with our picks and our snark is on point, so what happened last week?

Let’s see how we did…

Picker Results Overall Records
kristina 9 correct, 4 incorrect 49 correct, 25 incorrect
Chris 9 correct, 4 incorrect 59 correct, 15 incorrect

Well coming out of the bye week we didn’t exactly excel, but we continue to be above .500 with our picks and that will get you into the playoffs in the NBA and if that’s good enough for them, that’s good enough here at The Lazy Fan’s Guide. Is it basketball season yet? Can we just stop with the whole football thing? Is it time to move one? Oh. No? Well then let’s proceed with the column…

To the games!

Date Time Home Team Away Team Location TV Streaming
Saturday, October 21st 11:00 AM Mizzou Idaho The School that INVENTED Homecoming SEC Network WatchESPN

It’s homecoming at Mizzou, and you know what, we invented that. GIVE US OUR PROPPERS! Idaho you’re lucky to be even invited to this game. The parade, the atmosphere, the obscenely early kick off…ugh. I assume for the alumni that come back home, the Friday night before the game is the equivalent of the Wednesday night before Thanksgiving. One giant bar crawl through their favorite haunts that ends when the sun comes up. The 11:00 AM kickoff is going to be brutal my friends, brutal. But this could be the next (and maybe) last win on Mizzou’s schedule, so get up, it’s game day!

Scale of Watchability: Defcon 1! 1? Are you nuts? Hear me out…it’s the only 11:00 AM SEC game, and it’s going to end before the next game so really, what else do you have going on? Park yourself into your favorite sitting device (I’m a big indoor hammock guy) and let the black and gold of both teams wash over you.

Paired Drink: I don’t know if this has a name, but we’re going with a Pineapple and Rum drink. Get your favorite rum (Bacardi Silver always works for me), get some Dole pineapple juice, you know the giant can, mix it together, garnish with tropical fruit and voila! Booze, fruit, it’s got all the food groups.

kristina: Meh, use an actual pineapple. Let’s be honest, we’re all really just waiting around for the basketball game to start. (Uh, except that would be Sunday apparently! Damnit.) There are way worse ways to blow forty dollars, right? I really, really don’t like this pick at all, but Mizzou. We can’t lose to Idaho, right? (Uh, pretty sure we can?) Least it’s something to watch early and finally doesn’t coincide with kiddo soccer.

Chris: Mizzou only lost by 6 to Kentucky two weeks ago and possibly had the game stolen by the reffs? And the rest of the SEC is bad?! Then they played Georgia close for 22 minutes? Well folks, that can only mean one thing, 6 game win streak and a bowl appearance! Who’s on board? Not the guy. Nope we’ll beat Idaho, but let maybe slow down on the Sunshine pumping. Really, the focus this weekend is the ass whooping Mizzou is going to put on Kansas at the Sprint Center this Sunday. Prediction, at half time, the FBI raids the KU locker room and everyone is arrested and sent to jail!

Date Time Home Team Away Team Location TV Streaming
Saturday, October 21st 2:30 PM #1 Alabama Tennessee We have a basketball team? CBS CBS Sports

All the #voluntears in this one, let them flow! So one of the articles previewing this game mentioned is there anything good going for Tennessee, and the answer was their punter. First, we feel your pain, and second, lol, ours is better. (Um, we didn’t look at the stats to verify that, as neither of us are Bill c., but the golf swing tips the edge to Fatony. Our old friend Toppmeyer picked Alabama to win 56 to 0. Nothing about this game is going to be pretty for the Vols. (And it’s wonderful!) But hey, Jones gets essentially another week as who’s going to put an interim in vs. ‘Bama.

Scale of Watchability: DEFCON 3. On one hand, you get to watch a really good football team & watch Tennessee lose, on the other, it’s not going to be close, and that’ll eventually just get boring. “Oh look, another ‘Bama TD, carry on!”

Paired Drink: Chug a really lite beer every time Alabama scores. You’re going to be drinking a lot. Anything besides Bud Select 55. That’s just too watered down.

kristina: Like this is even a choice. Alabama. So what, when we play Tennessee, it’s just going to be a punting contest? I’ll probably have this on though, just for the hell of it. Or, as usual, the kiddo soccer league will be running way behind schedule and we won’t even be home.

Chris: THIRD. SATURDAY. IN. OCTOBER. It’s the most important cross divisional SEC game of the year every year regardless of how putrid one team is. It’s going to be a massacre, and Tennessee may just fire Butch Jones after Bama scores in the first 9 seconds. Bama is going to roll and I will laugh and laugh and laugh.

Date Time Home Team Away Team Location TV Streaming
Saturday, October 21st 3:00 PM Mississippi State Kentucky We should have hired Ben Howland SEC Network WatchESPN

It’s a good thing this game is happening at the same time as the Alabama vs UT game because no one is going to pay attention to this game between SEC teams that aren’t good and look worse knowing that the SEC is pure dross outside of the top of each division. Both fanbases would really prefer to focus on basketball at this point.

Scale of Watchability: Defcon 4. This is something you do at commercial breaks of the Bama UT disaster. This is not good, but if it were basketball, it would be certainly more interesting.

Paired Drink: That third shot of Jack you take at the end of a LONG night. Why? ‘Cause you forget it, doesn’t do anything but cement what’s already happening to you and you won’t remember it until you see pictures the next day…like this game.

kristina: Moar cowbell. Why aren’t we playing this basketball game on a Saturday?

Chris: Oh Kentucky, two weeks ago you barely got by Mizzou and that’s probably gonna be it. State wins this game and Kentucky fans can enjoy the fact that Rick Pitino is just falling all over himself to look like the biggest ass known to man. Seriously, dude, shut up.

Date Time Home Team Away Team Location TV Streaming
Saturday, October 21st 6:15 PM Ole Miss #24 LSU Andy Kennedy needs a Tailor ESPN WatchESPN

Nothing like sports to make fun of the transitive property, so of course, LSU beats Auburn right after beating Florida after losing to Troy. Makes perfect sense. So Ole Miss fans aren’t a fan of Orgeron’s comments, cue SEC head coaching change drama. So Ole Miss’ new mascot is the Landshark, though it doesn’t appear to have been revealed yet. New (interim) coach, new mascot?

Scale of Watchability: DEFCON 2. The predictions for this one are all over the board, so it might be close? We’re here to (attempt to) entertain, not to try and be accurate.

Paired Drink: Eh, why not, in honor of the mascot change, Landshark lager. (Uh, if it’s even still available.)

kristina: Huh, think I might have picked Ole Miss if I had paid attention and knew it was a home game for them. Whoops. And at least then we’d disagree on something, ‘cause all the picks the same is boring! LSU, since my counterpart has text proof. Damn cell phones. Though he’ll probably break his at some point soon, and poof, no more evidence.

Chris: LSU, you guys are trip. You lose to Troy, weird, you beat UF, sure, but then you stage the largest comeback in SEC history and beat Auburn, AT AUBURN? Well, cheers to you. Again, no idea what’s happening here. Nope, not a clue. But I have a feeling that the 24th ranked Tigers (HOW?!) get by Ole Miss and in 24 months when LSU fans really, really want Coach O fired, they can look back at this streak of wins and realize, that’s where things went sideways.

Date Time Home Team Away Team Location TV Streaming
Saturday, October 21st 6:30 PM Arkansas #21 Auburn Mike Anderson Sent a Press Release SEC Network WatchESPN

Auburn, what did you do? Was this all just a plan to ensure Ed O gets to keep his job at LSU, so you can then go back to beating them yearly? Is this all some scam that you and Florida came up with? I hope so. And Arkansas, man you guys just not so good at the whole football thing it appears.

Scale of Watchability: Defcon 4. I mean, you have to watch something right? And at this point we should be knee deep in the most boring band wagony World Series ever. So, enjoy?

Paired Drink: Kool Aid and Vodka, the red kind. Why? Because Coach Bielema looks like the Kool Aid Man…OH YEAH!

kristina: Sounds like somebody is still upset the Nats are done for, but hey, you finally got rid of Baker! Uh, want our coach? (No, really, take him.) Auburn, but let’s not have a repeat of last week. How’d you let that happen?

Chris: At some point someone probably thought this would be a good game. They were wrong! This is no way to close out an evening on a Saturday, no way at all. Auburn is going to win in Arkansas and all inflatable mascots should be shot into space.


So where did we end up? These look like winning picks to me, we’ve got the whole spectrum covered. Make us proud gamblers, and then you know, shoot some residuals are way, k?

Picker SEC Winners SEC Losers Non Con Winner (if selected)
kristina Mizzou, Alabama, Mississippi State, LSU, Auburn Tennessee, Kentucky, Ole Miss, Arkansas NA
Chris Mizzou, Alabama, Mississippi State, LSU, Auburn Tennessee, Kentucky, Ole Miss, Arkansas NA

Thanks as always for reading our ramblings dear readers, we appreciate it deep down in places we dare not admit to. Hope you enjoy your Saturday, and let us all join hands and rejoice the soul shattering beating we are going to put on Bill Self and the Jayhawks Sunday afternoon. Sound good? Great, see you then!

Happy Homecoming!

(Editor’s note: We’re changing things up next week in honor of the best holiday, so pairings will be candy.) I know, try and contain your excitement.